What if i was normal?

"I was once normal, I swear." The voices filled her head, causing her to do the things she read about, had seen, never wanted to happen to her. She had been infected by the need for perfection and the pain of not being it.


1. A little girl inside my head.

We sat drinking our hot chocolate until Liam drifted to sleep.

“This is my chance” I whispered to myself. Slipping out of Liam’s arms, I tip-toed towards the bathroom trying not to make the base boards creek in the process. I got to the bathroom unnoticed and I knew this wasn't a good idea, but I needed to. I wandered towards the toilet turning the sink on as I passed; I needed noise to block the sounds I was about to make. Leaning down, I tied my hair back into a bun to not get it messy.

“Well here goes nothing” I knew I was the only one who could hear me, but for some reason it was always easier when I could talk, even If it was to myself. It only took a few seconds for it to work; now my head was in the toilet bowl. I felt gross but better knowing that this would help me. The sink was still on so I walked over and washed my face, rinsing my mouth with Scope and walking out making sure to clean up any evidence.I headed back to the living room where Liam was, and quietly slipped back into his warm embrace.

"Not feeling well babe?" He asked in a husky voice.

"No, i'm fine" I pecked him lightly on the cheek.

'Okay well we should get off to bed" he gave me a smirk as he talked. With that we walked hand in hand up the stairs to his small bedroom. I had been staying with Liam while my parents were on a trip for work, I was suppose to be at home, but his parents were gone to so it worked. As we reached his room he pinned me to the wall, locking our lips together. I pulled away and spoke,

"Not now babe." I couldn't do this I was too fat in my eyes to ever let him see me with my shirt off, let alone naked. We had been swimming a few weeks before and I wore my bikini, but I noticed I was the only one there with even a bit of flab. Since that day, 3 weeks ago I haven't eaten a thing, and if I did I made sure it was back out of my body within a half hour.


* * * *


We were heading out to the boys first event since holiday break.

"You ready?" I asked, our fingers intertwined. 

"Sure am" he said smiling.

"Well lets go then!" I was excited not only for him but for me, I know it sounds selfish but I truly was. We stepped out of the limo, along with the other boys and their dates; then paparazzi's cameras started flashing and questions started to be asked.

"Perrie! is it true your going on tour?" a man in a press hat asked.

"Yup its true! I leave in about 2 weeks along with the rest of Little Mix!" She spoke excitedly.

Louis pecked her cheek lightly, "We're all gonna miss her though." 

 Liam had been pulled away by a pretty lady in a beautiful red dress holding a microphone as I was answering a few questions.

"Liam, how is your relationship with this lovely lady here?" smiling she waved her hand at me.

"It's been great! We are inseparable!" he spoke with eminence joy in his voice.

"And you Brinley, you look beautiful. Have you lost a few pounds?" as soon as she said that my face lit up, that's the one question I needed to hear all night.

"Thank you! In fact I have" I said smiling. We finished talking to a few other people and had a few pictures taken before we headed inside. We neared the dressing rooms, waving a short goodbye to a few friends. Everyone entered a large room filled with makeup and clothing.

"Brinley?" I was confused as I was pulled to the side. "What's up Brinley?" Liam asked with a hint of concern in his voice. I knew he was talking about the weight loss, he had always said he never wanted me to loose any weight.

"Nothing baby, I promise" I lied, I never lied to him before I started this. I could see he didn't trust me, his eyes were filled with distrust.

"Okay, but promise me you will start eating more?" He grabbed my waist and pulled me in close, kissing me lightly on the lips.

"Boys you're on in 5" A guy from behind the door yelled. They all started to walk towards the door, but before they left he whispered to me,

"I don't want you to hurt yourself, I couldn't stand it." and with that the boys walked out of the room and the pain began.

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