20. Zealous and Zany
After the letter from Emma, I tried to think things Emma’s way. How she would feel.
I was never scared of love. It made me forget about more important things. So, I just avoided it. I tried not to focus on love. My focus was my singing career and I’m glad I focused on it. My concentration got me to the top of the world, one of the most well known teen bands.. But never, was I scared of love.
I had my first kiss at a young age, with a girl whom I never saw again, already had a girlfriend before and have friends and bandmates who are dating. For goodness sake, Zayn’s getting married!
Even though I don’t have as many disadvantages as Emma, I tried picturing my life. It’s hard because Emma isn’t a guy and she hangs out with only people of the other gender.
Why is Emma so complicated?
It struck me. I love Emma because she’s complicated. It’s not easy being with her because of all the drama in her life and how her decisions changed her entire life. If she stayed friends with Felicity or stuck with makeup and shopping, she may have not captured my interest. She caught my attention because she's different.
Emma gave me a hint about her hesitance in accepting me. She doubted us. But now she realizes her stupidity and it’s just a clear path for her mind: be with me. I’m glad all the evil doubt in her mind has vanished. At least all the loose stones are no longer in danger of crumbling, bringing the confusion that was our “relationship” to an end.
Again, I was sitting behind the door, legs folded, thinking about when the letter will come. It was around 3 when the mailman rang the doorbell. I grabbed it from the mailman. I eagerly found the long awaited letter and opened it quickly, starting to read.
This is the last letter, ain’t it?
I wrote this final letter with all my feelings poured onto it. This letter was mostly to help me sort out my feelings towards you and what my heart is trying to tell me.
I’m not sure how you’ll react to this because I don’t know how you feel about me. It’s really hard to say it (although I’m just writing it) but… I love you with all my heart.
This is not puppy love. This is not some schoolgirl crush. I’m not kidding around. I’m serious. Although I’m not experienced in love, I’ve had crushes before. Yes, I’ve had crushes. I’ve had teenage hormones towards a couple of guys, all who saw me as a fellow guy.
Not a girl, like I am.
With them, I’ve only had a little flip in my stomach. Not even butterflies or anything like that.
With you, it’s a whole different story.
My stomach turns and flips. A herd of elephants stampede around in my stomach. Yes, stampeding elephants. Whenever I look at you or talk to you, my stomach feels like I’ve ate a handful—no, four handfuls—of jalapenos. It’s like a little fire dancing in my stomach.
I lose my train of thought. I can't think of anything but you.
When I hear your contagious laugh, my spine tingles. When you make me laugh, my love for you only grows.
Only you make me react like this. Has any boy done that to me? No.
I have feelings for you and I’ve accepted it. It’s not like I can make these tingles and elephants disappear, can I?
It's gonna stay awhile.
I think I’ve realized something. One can never fight love. It’s constantly on your mind, it’s constantly my enemy. But once I accepted it… A huge weight has been lifted off my heart, and I feel like I’m halfway there, even though I don’t even know if the feeling is mutual.
I don’t just like you. I’m in love with you. It’s not even for your fame. I’m not a gold digger or using you for the fame. Sure, I want to become famous one day. That doesn’t mean I should date you. That’ll probably decrease my fame because people will think of me as “Niall’s girlfriend,” instead of “Emma Burton.” It makes me seem shallow.
I love you for you.
Emma loves me. My fingers felt numb. My whole body froze. I can’t feel anything. It was like my mind went on “shut down mode.”
She loves me. It’s not some fake love that people use to use as an advantage. I wasn’t a “stepping stone to fame” to her. To the world, I was Niall Horan, member of hit boy band One Direction. To her, I was just Niall. And she loved me for that.
I felt like my insides were boiling with zeal. I couldn’t believe it.
Now, I’m not sure how you’ll react. Maybe you’ll feel happy that I love you. Maybe you’ll feel guilty because you don’t love me back. Maybe you’ll feel shocked. I don’t know. At this time, I’m clueless. But I hope you love me back because I’ll be devastated.
These are my feelings for you. I’m not sure if you’ll reciprocate them back. This is my last letter. I hope you’ll cherish it and consider my horrible secrets I deceived. Please forgive me. I’m not as worried if you don’t love me back. Even though it’ll be hard for me to move on, if you’re not the one for me then someone else in this world is. I’m nervous because I’m trying everything I can do in order to cut off all communication with you. Please just tell me if you’ll forgive me.
With Warmth, Emma
I looked at the letter. I knew my feelings towards her the first day I met her. She wasn’t perfect but she was special to me.
She was unique, zany, and funny. She remembered the song we sang together on the day we met in the studio. I’ve always desired to be hers and here she is in this letter saying that she’s mine. My whole body tingled with much warmth.
I thought back about she betrayed me and I considered not returning her emotions. Then I knew I would be lost without her and she is my ray of sunshine. I knew what I had to do. I love her. And I reciprocate my love towards her back.
She loves me. I return her feelings.
And I forgive her.
Here's the promised chapter. This one was hard to write because I have a huge headache and I'm extremley tired from studying yesterday. I was literally forcing my fingers to click the keyboard when I was writing this.
Thank you SO much to my friends, @MagicalEpiphany and @Bacon_Forever for helping me write this chapter. I couldn't have written this one without you two. I wish I can dedicate it to both of you, but I can only dedicate it to one and it's unfair :( But thanks so much. Follow them!
Song Challenge: I love this song :) I've been listening to it a lot.
"Make me your Aphrodite."
Dedication to @one-divergent (I love her username) because she got this correct!
Don't forget to comment and vote! :)
It's almost the end of this book XD