~~Please, please read the author's note. It's highly important. You'll understand the gif on the side if you do.
When James was fast asleep, I took the pen and paper from the desk near us and sat on the chair.
I know you need some time to heal but in all honesty, I need some time to heal as well. For the next three days, I’ll give you letters filled with all my secrets that I’ve kept from you. I hope you’ll forgive me by reading all this because some of these secrets come from the deep bottom of my heart. This could even heal me too. Maybe I could get something out of this. Maybe I’ll learn something about myself that I never knew about myself. But in all seriousness, I’ll tell you the main reason why I rejected you.
When I was 14, my father died from a mass murder in Boston. I was heartbroken because my father was responsible for sculpting who I am right now. Without him, I would’ve never been a tomboy, never been so enthusiastic about food, never been a great football player. I had depression for the next year and everyone was questioning about my absence. This is where Felicity is dragged in. My family, being so close to Felicity’s family, invited the family to my dad’s funeral. So obviously, Felicity was the only one to know about my father’s death. And because we are enemies now, it didn’t help me get better.
When I was 15 or 16, I was cleaning the garage and I found my mother’s piano and my father’s guitar. I cleaned them out and placed them in the studio in our basement. I taught myself how to play and I felt a connection with my dad when I played the guitar. So, everyday, I would come home from school and play the guitar. Music was my priority at the time. I focused on my guitar and I’ve become better by the day. Music was my everything and now, I’m almost healed from the scars of my father’s death. That’s why I contribute so much of my time towards music. Even though I’m not famous, music made me feel good about myself. It cured me. But I found out that it didn’t heal me completely.
Remember that day when I pretended to be a bodyguard of yours? I went to the bathroom to change and I saw Felicity. It was my worst nightmare. She threatened to tell everyone, to tell the whole world on television about my father’s death if I don’t move out of her way. She figured out a plan to ruin me and my future. She was controlling me and I felt helpless because I couldn’t go to you because you were her goal and I couldn’t go to my mom or James because they were on a different continent. I was on my own. So, I made the stupid decision to do what she told me to do and step down to give her the title of winner. I know I’m stupid and ignorant. But I felt really regretful for what I did and I need to make it up to you.
So, I guess I can say that I’m not fully okay from my father’s death. I don’t know how to heal myself but I guess time is the best answer. I hope you will forgive me overtime after reading this letter.
Yours Truly, Emma
I slipped the letter into an envelope and jotted down the address of his. Sneaking outside, I placed the letter in mailbox. It should take a day or so because Thalia’s house and Niall’s flat is a couple of train stations away.
Sneaking back inside, I placed my head onto my pillow after knowing that I was done. I soon droned into a deep slumber.
By the next day, I felt both relieved and depressed. Relieved that Felicity is now long gone in bed with whoever she’s with. Depressed that Emma is gone again and that I lost her connection.
I mean, she lied to me, kept a secret from me. It makes sense to say I don’t forgive her yet right? If we were to be in a relationship right after I broke up with Felicity, who knows how much she’ll lie right into my face? It was a reasonable decision to say I’m not ready yet. I still don’t trust her, no matter how much I love her. A great relationship is one that the couple trusts each other completely. If Emma can prove somehow that I can trust her, then I’m going back to her. They say that if someone loves you truly, they would do their hardest to get back with you after you let them go. I’m going to test the saying out.
I lied on my bed, looking up to the ceiling thinking about everything and how hectic my life is at this point. This is all a mess and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Hungry, I shuffled to the kitchen to set up a peanut butter sandwich. The flat seemed very empty. The boys weren’t here and the flat was now super quiet. I took the knife and stabbed the peanut butter jar to pick up some of that nutty goodness. Crunching the nuts and savoring the flavor, a doorbell interrupted me.
Sighing, I got up to peer through the peek hole, making sure no crazy fan is behind the door. No one was there but all I saw was a white envelope.
Must’ve been the mailman.
Opening the door, I quickly scurried outside in the freezing weather to snatch up the letter. I locked the door closed and sat on the couch.
On the other side of the envelope was a pretty cursive handwriting that spelled out “Niall.”
Who was it from? It could possibly be from a fan, seeing that my address is now visible for the whole world to see because of the stupid paparazzi.
But then again, management always collects the fanmail and assorts it to each boy to read to whom it was directly sent to. They would give it to us. The mailman is One Direction’s private mailman so he checks if mail is sent to us from personal friends or if it’s from a delusional fan who sneaks some kind of bomb in a box.
I opened the envelope slowly, making sure not to rip the sides.
Unfolding the letter, I started reading from the top. My eyes trailed downward and every word I took in, it gave me a closer hint that it was Emma.
Every word was like another swing with a wedgehammer towards my heart.
Every word was another crack in my heart.
Every word healed my heart however.
She hurts my heart by telling me her past, such a dark history that is a lot for me to take. I’m thankful for my family, my childhood. Now that I’m an international popstar, I can’t even grasp my childhood again without a screaming girl or a camera that flashes. It’s my second nature for me but sometimes, I just want to scream it out, sometimes I want to just go back to my old self, where I didn’t have to worry my reputation 24/7, my appearance, how close I am with a girl.
The fans are great but sometimes, I need a break.
But, hearing Emma’s past, it just breaks my heart from all the things she had to go through with Felicity in her mind, blackmailing her. Emma’s fears of Felicity became true someday.
She’s tearing me apart, but she’s healing me too.
I don’t know if that makes sense but my heart is nodding.
Emma’s opening up to me. She never told me about her father’s absence, and here she is, telling me about her darkest depressions. And she’s just pouring her heart out onto the paper with one simple pen.
A pen could be so powerful.
One pen took me into this gameshow. One pen helped Emma send this message to me.
One pen could hold so much power. It’s amazing how much such a tiny object can change your life.
Emma said that this was the first letter. There are still two more to come.
I’ll wait for them. And maybe, just maybe,
They will fully heal my broken heart.
If you don't know, this is an early update. You guys only lifted it up to 19 but I forgave you. I really want you guys to do something for me. Please, I will read you story and give you some feedback if you want me to.
So, I joined a casual 1D watty awards set up by a girl named @BiebsStyPayHorLikSon. She's a really nice girl and I'm a nominee for her contest. Apparently, your fans have to vote for your book by commenting "I vote for ..." This is where you guys come in. I really really want you guys to vote for me and I know that my true real fans would do this for me. I'm giving you this chapter as a gift because until someone actually voted up to 20, I would have given this chapter later. But please vote. In the external link, (under the cover of my book, next to the word "report") if you click it, then it will take you to another book called 1D Watty Awards in the chapter "Best Niall Nominees." If you can just take a few seconds to comment "Mismatched" I will love you guys forever. I really hope that you guys vote for me :)
Hope you like the chapter. Sadly, there will be only 24 or 25 chapters and it's pretty close to the end. However, I'm starting a new book called "Promise." It's a part of the series that this book is in and it's coming right after this book is done.
Also, I finished a book! But it's a short story. It doesn't take too long to read and it's a winter short love story! If you want, you can check it out. It's only 3 pages long and it's called "Season of White."
Okay, I'm done with my "emergency" message. Go and vomment this book!