19. Mismatches and Musings
The next day, I waited for the next letter. I became so desparate, I sat behind the door.
Around 2, I heard a doorbell. I shot up onto my feet, opening the door swiftly as I snatched the mail from the mailman’s hands. I shot a small “thank you” under my breath as I slammed the door. I sat onto the couch.
Throwing the other mail away from my face, I finally saw the same hand writing I saw yesterday.
Opening that with no hurry, I delicately held it and read it.
This is the second letter and I’ve decided to stay at my cousin Thalia’s house for the next week because I want to go sightseeing here. I haven’t been in Ireland for many years and I should look around. After all, my mother’s side is from Ireland.
I smiled, remembering the fact that she was half Canadian and half Irish. She mentioned it briefly in her interview but I still remember it.
"I'm sorry for my poor attitude but I'm tired and I would rather be playing some videogames."
That cranky attitude always intrigued me towards her. Maybe it was her time of month, because she doesn’t really act like that all the time but I loved her no matter what state she was in.
Anyways, this and the next letter will be mostly about my thoughts and feelings. The first letter was mostly about my past and I think I’ve covered all of it. That was basically my biggest turning point.
Going back to the point, these three letters will cover three concepts. My past, being my first letter. My thoughts, being this letter. And my feelings, the most powerful being the next letter.
Not only did I reject you because of blackmail, I also had clouded thoughts that confused my thoughts towards you.
Honestly, when I first saw you, I thought we were never gonna happen. You, with girls throwing themselves on top of you, and me hanging out with boys everyday was what I imagined impossible together.
You were popular with the girls and I was popular with the boys. Can you not see how many things that could go wrong?
But now, I realized how stupid I was.
If you want some love advice, I suggest you do not come to me. I will ruin your love lives.
I chuckled at that. Out of all the serious feelings I have for Emma, I will never forget her humor.
But I’m being serious here. I was stupid. I thought that ‘opposites attract’ was just a bunch of crap. But this whole time, us two, opposites have been getting closer than what I imagined when I first met you. I didn’t expect us to be so close and I was still stupid to think that we will never happen. Now with Felicity combined, I was completely sure that “Nemma” wasn’t going to happen. I guess I’m still stupid and ignorant at my age. And it’s true.
I haven’t experienced love at all in my whole life.
I’m still a virgin.
I’ve never been asked out.
I’ve never had a boyfriend.
I’ve never even have a freaking first kiss yet.
Do you know how embarrassing that is? And it’s even more embarrassing that Felicity used it against me into making everyone thinking I’m gay. I have nothing against gay people but I am not gay and I don’t want to be. I have teenage girl hormones too.
At least, I can control them.
Now, that I met you a summer ago, I have to rethink everything.
For the past month ever since I ran away from you, my brain was only functioning with one word, “Niall.”
I’ve been thinking about you. Worrying about you. I haven’t seen any recent activity ever since I rejected you and I knew something was wrong. I knew it was my freaking fault.
I admit that I’m the stupidest girl alive when it comes to love.
I hope this letter meant something to you. I don’t know love, Niall. That was the point I’m trying to get to you.
Did school ever have course called “How to love?” No.
My mom and my brother was on a different continent. Were they there for me when I had these weird gushy feelings every time I was with you? No.
Did any of my friends know anything about love? No.
So I’m was afriad I was going to hurt you when I’m with you. I was afraid.
I’m scared of love.
I’m not used to it. Don’t you get it? I never socialized but I can laugh all I want with my guy friends.
When I talk to guys, they would talk to me about sports and videogames.
When I talk to guys, they don’t talk to me about gushy love and dates.
For once, I wish I was more of a girl than a tomboy.
Hope this letter means something to you. Hope you understand how I felt. And most importantly, I hope you forgive me.
With lots of love, Emma
I put the letter down. I was speechless. That was so intense. It was deep.
I stared at the paper. The words blurred from the tears glinting on my eye. I sniffled and put the paper away before any of my tears hit it.
I might forgive her. She’s really putting her everything into these letters. She is really trying to get me back.
I see what I will do after I see my third letter. For now, I need to clean up. I look like a mess. I definitely need a good sleep after reading such a deep letter.
I'm so sorry for a quite short chapter. I worked on this last night right after I posted the previous chapter. It's very deep though, so I hope you understood it.
Please vote for me. More information is in the author's note for the previous chapter. I would love it if you do.
"They'll never take my body from your side"
Dedication to @thewildgirls because she found out the song :)
Thanks for reading. Don't forget to vote and comment.