I slowly opened my eyes to nothing but light and for a moment stopped breathing, thinking my time had come, but slowly my eyes adjusted and I realized someone had moved a light to shine right on my face.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I looked over and saw Brandon standing by the windowsill.
He hasn't left my side.
In June, I was diagnosed with cancer, for six months I have been in and out of the hospital, treatment after treatment.
Nothing has worked.
About a week ago, I accepted the fact that I didn't have long to live, shortly after that I was put into palliative care, the pains in my chest becoming too horrible to bear anymore.
As soon as he heard of where I was, he rushed to my side, ignoring the nurses when they told him he couldn't be with me after visiting hours. He spat back saying that he was family and had a right to be here.
Once he realised I was awake, he came to my side and pushed the button that made my bed sit up, my limp body tingling in response to the movement.
He gripped onto my hand and looked deep into my barley open eyes.
Looking into his eyes now, I can remember why I fell in love with him.
It wasn't because of the way his hair sways in the wind or how he smiles when he's trying to keep a secret.
It was how he made me feel, like nothing else mattered except me, like I was the only girl in the world. We believed nothing could ever tear us apart, what we didn't account for was one of life's many burdens, cancer.
I could have looked into his eyes for days had it not been for me coughing and ruining the moment.
I curled over onto my side, pulling my hand to my face.
"What do you need? Can I do anything?" He gripped onto my hand and sat in the chair that he had been glued to for weeks before I convinced him to go home for a few days.
"Water would be great" I breathed out as I spoke, any and all energy had completely faded from my body.
Without moving from the chair or letting go of my hand, he urgently reached over to the small bench conveniently located behind his chair and grabbed the small cup of water he had poured before.
"Here" he placed it in my free hand and looked down as I sipped from the cup. I didn't have to look at him to know he was crying.
I let go of his hand and stroked his face, wiping away the tear that was about to fall from his cheek.
"I- I heard the doctors before when they were talking to you" He uttered without moving his head. I tipped the bottom of his chin so he was facing me, I could see the trail a tear had left behind.
"They said that at any time, I mig-might pass" I barley whispered. My stiff body tightening as I breathed in and out.
"It's okay, everything is going to be okay." He tried reassuring me. The difference between me and him was that I had come to terms with my illness a long time ago, Brandon still had a full life and just didn't understand what I was going through. No matter how much I loved him and he loved me, he couldn't understand how much it hurt to look into his eyes knowing that soon I would be gone and all he would have left is the pain.
"Brandon" I whispered, the pain in my head growing every second, my aching body stopping me from being able to talk properly. Everything I say comes out sounding slurred, Nic never seems to mind though.
"I Love you" I said as I breathed out, I slowly pulled my right hand up to his face and pulled the piece of fluff that had been sitting there since I woke up.
He just laughed.
"What am I going to do without you" He tried to sound strong but his voice cracked on the seventh word. Only a moment after that, my heart monitor started beeping quickly, my chest aching with a pain so unbearable I thought I could die from the pressure. Brandon shot straight up and ran to get a nurse, I could hear him yelling from the corridor as I tried to focus on my breathing, it wasn't working. All it was doing was making my migraine worse and my spine ache.
Before I knew it a nurse was beside me sticking fluids into the tube connected to my arm.
I knew I didn't have a lot of time. I don't know how I found the energy, but I felt a tear streak down my face, Brandon entered the room, his face red and puffy.
As soon as the nurse was finished, she told me to prepare myself, that I didn't have much time and that any moment now I could pass. She didn't want to leave my side but I forced her to, wanting to spend my last moments with Brandon.
I knew my body couldn't take that much stress, so did Brandon.
"I don't want you to go Mel, You can't leave me" He cried, holding my body next to him, I wanted to hug him back but my muscles just wouldn't let me.
He laid me back down and sat back in his chair, I heard the bolts squeak as he did.
"Gaining a bit of weight Brandon?" I asked as sarcastic as I could, he laughed anyway.
"Well there isn't a lot of space to run around in this hospital.
I smiled instead of laughing, knowing that if I even attempted to laugh I would end up dry reaching. I titled my head to face him.
"I love yo-" I tried to say but my mouth wouldn't let me, oh god, this was it.
I felt myself fading, I tried to speak but I couldn't make out the words. I felt my organs shutting down, my consciousness drifting.
"I love you too Mel" I heard Brandon's crying voice say before I drifted off into the oblivion.