It's literally the last weekend of faire and I have been freaking out. Me and Zayn were still going strong but what happens next? I have no where to go.. I tried calling my parents but they literally told me to find somewhere to stay and when I knew where I was staying I could get the rest of my stuff. That they don't care if I have changed or not, they don't want me back.
It was 6:45 and we had to wake up in a few minutes but I have been awake since five and I haven't been able to fall back asleep. I have only been able to lay in Zayn's arms and cry. I know I can't ask him to take me in because that would be too much pressure. I have enough money saved up from what he gives me every weekend to stay at one of the live in hotels. If I can get a job then I will be able to stay there. I just have to find a way to get to one- shit… this is just so damn stressful and I can't help but cry more. I have been crying for the past hour and I know that no matter what, Zayn will know that I have been as soon as he wakes up. There is not point in even trying to hide that I have been. The problem I have with him seeing me like this is he rally has seen me in a stressful stage. He has seen me in a distressed stage and an upset stage but not a crisis like this…
The even worse part of all this will be to leave Zayn behind… I have come to fall completely in love with him… He broke through my protective walls surrounding my heart and now he has it… He hold my heart in his hands. I have given it to him to do whatever he pleases with it. If he breaks it then he breaks it. If he throws it away then that's what he does… There is nothing I can do. I have made myself so vulnerable to him and can't myself away from him. I don't want to leave him but though he say's he loves me, I can't really be 100% sure of it… We have never really said 'I love you' to each other. He has told me he loves me in a way but never directly told me he loves me. What if he doesn't love me the way I love him?
I sobbed even more into his chest. At this point I was shaking as the tears came spilling from my eyes. How could I let myself do this? I didn't want to fall in love but I was never really given a choice… This is what was meant to happen and I can't stop myself from loving him more and more very minute of every hour of everyday. I love when he tells me how beautiful I am and how I can make the sun shine through the clouds on a rainy day… How I am his ray of hope in a dark hopeless place he can't escape.
I love how he can take the words right out of my mouth before I can even get the chance to say them. He always knows the right things to say and he hates when we get into our stupid little bickerment's but yet he loves how I look when I am angry. He say's he loves when my little hands ball up into fists and how my cheeks get really red.
He knows exactly how to get to me and I have let myself allow that. I know that if any other guy tried that, they would fail miserably. Only Zayn has been able to get through to me. He has been the only one to be able to change me back to my old habits and ditch the bad fake ones. He has brought out the real me and I thank him for that everyday.
How will I be able to see him when we are apart? He has said how he is going to travel to America to do the faire's as son as this one finishes but how will I be able to go on without him? I won''t be able to live without him in my lfe and I have not a clue how to tell him that…
I watched his as he stirred in his sleep completely oblivious to me sobbing onto his bare chest. When he wakes he will realized that I have been crying and that will me cry even more. I don't know what I am gonna tell him- there is nothing to tell him but the truth. And no matter what, I have to try and be strong because that is what he has taught me.
Everything he has taught me has become a daily routine for me. If I have a problem then I immediately go to him and we talk about it. If I want something ten I talk to him about it. Everything that is in my life revolves around him and I am glad for that.
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!
Zayn turned over and shut the alarm clock off and turned the lamp on before rolling back to me. He opened his eyes and saw that I was crying and he frantically sat up to se what was wrong.
"What's wrong beautiful?" he questioned worriedly.
"I-it's stupid," I sniffed.
"Please tell me?"
I sat up and brought myself onto his lap and wrapped myself around him while he held me, "I'm scared Zayn…"
"You're leaving… my parents don;t want me… I have to find a hotel to stay in and-"
"Whoa- beautiful, calm down," he said pulling my face to the front of him. "There is no way in hell I am gonna let you live in some hotel, okay? I will stay here with you in a damn tent before I let you do that-"
"You can't do that- you have a dream. YOu need to go to American and go to the faire's and follow it-"
"Hannah, you are my dream. That dream of going to the faire's in AMerica? That dream died when I won you over. You became my new dream. You are my life Hannah…"
"Yes," he smiled.
"I- I love you…" I whispered.
His eyes got wide and a huge smile spread across his face, "I am so in love with you Hannah." he said pressing his lips to mine.
I kissed back and more tears fell from my closed eyes. I truly loved this man and I want to spend everyday with him…
"Come with me?" he whispered into the kiss.
I broke the kiss and pulled away to look him in the eyes. He was being honest and I could tell, "Zayn I- I-"
"Please," he begged.
More tears were on the danger zone of falling from my eyes. I couldn't speak because if I try I would choke out the words and cry more. I know that as soon as I give him my answer more tears were gonna fall… There is only one answer I can truly give him. The only answer that I know to give him… I nodded once and he smiled and squeezed me tightly in a hug and pushed me down to the bed and continued to hug me… Who knew that loving someone could change my life forever?