I walked around to the back of the shop and stormed upstairs and flung myself onto the bed. Why does this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this!?
I mean, i accidentally ran into him for god sake. I didn't know it would be a damn problem to do that. Well excuse me for falling on your fake ass boyfriend Shannon.
I rolled my eyes and thought back to the moment when I was looking down at Zayn… Yeah, my heart fluttered and my breathing picked up heavily but that doesn't bean anything. I was just shocked to run into HIM. If I would have known that I was going to run into Zayn while running from Niall with his hat, I would have gone another way, but I didn't know- and what the hell does she mean, 'It sure looks like more than falling?' Really? Yeah, me and Zayn are defiantly gonna have sex with clothes on out in the public eye. That is exactly what we were doing.
I mean how stupid and jealous does she have to be to think crap like that? Like, even people who would be just passing by would have known that I had fallen onto him when I accidentally ran into him.
I gave up on thinking about Shannon being a complete idiot and thought of the crap I am probably gonna get from Zayn. 'Why did you yell at her?' 'Why did you yell at me?' 'Are you that jealous or something?' Yeah I am so jealous of your fake girlfriend. Why on earth would I be jealous of a fake relationship? It's kinda hard to believe you 'actually like her' now she just two day's ago you were telling me how you disliked Shannon strongly.
There is not point in even stressing about something like this because I don't like Shannon and I basically kicked Zayn to the curb. The only reason I am staying here is because I have nowhere else to go. If I try to ask on of my 'friends' they will ask for rent and I don't have a job except this one and I don't have a car. As rich as my friggen parents are- I am poor and no matter what I do, they won't be proud of me. They haven't even bothered to call me…
They don't care. Why should they? I am a totally waste of a human being and they probably wish I was a son that way my dad could have a kid he is proud of… I'm just some messed up girl who doesn't even like herself. Someone who hates herself. They don't want me back… When the faire is over, I'm over. They won't take me back because I still won't be the daughter they want me to be and they will just look at me crazy if I turn up at their doorstep and wave to me as I walk away with all my stuff as they tell me "C'est la vie." or in other worst, 'shit happens. Have a nice life.'
I single tear rolled down my cheek as I realized how much of a failure I actually am… My parents don't want me, I have no real friends and Zayn was right… I can't keep a relationship because if I don't like myself- how is someone else supposed to like me?…
I was interrupted from my thoughts when I heard people com in downstairs. I sat up just as I saw Zayn come up the stairs with Shannon following behind him…
She was laughing with him and when she saw me she stopped. Zayn looked over in my direction.
"Oh- hey Hannah… I didn't know you were here-"
"I said I was coming back here. Don't worry though, I'll leave so you and blondie here and fuck like jack rabbits." I said getting up and grabbing my phone and jacket.
"Oh come one- that's not was gonna happen!" he defended.
I looked over at blondie who looked shocked and upset by what he said and I smirked, "Yeah, whatever." I snapped at I walked past them and downstairs leaving the shop.
I don't know where I was going but I wasn't going to stay there while they had sex. Not really my thing. If I wanted to watch two people have sex then I would google for some porn. Sorry, I'm not some creep who likes that crap.
I got to the actual fair an not the back of the back of the buildings and just started walking. I walked a full circle around the faire but I didn't stop. I just kept walking. Yeah, it's not safe to walk around in the dark alone but I don't even care at this point. Hell, I wish someone would take me cause at least then I will have a legit reason to stay away from Zayn.
When I was gone for about 40 minutes Zayn called me but I declined the call. Not even a minute later I get a text message from.
Zayn: Where the hell are you?
Me: Leave me alone.
Zayn: No, you need to come back. It's like 11 at night. Where are you?
Me: Sorry but if I wanted to watch you and Shannon have sex then I would have stayed.
Zayn: We didn't even have sex. That's not even why she was here.
Me: Don't care. Leave me alone.
He replied back but I didn't even bother looking at it. Eventually I have to go back because I can't sleep outside or crash at Niall's. I decided to just do another round then I would go back to the shop.
I was almost done with the circle when I saw Zayn. He was running from each side of the walk road looking for me and I froze. I knew I would have to deal with him so why not now?
He stopped when his flashlight landed on me. His eyes got wide and he came running to me and crashed his body into mine squeezing me tightly in a bear hug. As much as I tried to push him away, I couldn't. He wouldn't budge and the hug is getting annoying. As much as I wanted to hug him back- I didn't because I am not going to be a second choice. No matter how much I was attracted to him, I won't admit it out loud.
He finally pulled away from his hug and put his hands on my shoulders, "Hannah, you have been out walking for over an hour- why the hell didn't you come back?"
"I had no reason to. You were with Shannon and I wan't going to hang around for that and whatever you two were gonna do-"
"We weren't going to do anything, love? She came over cause she needed flower for a cake her uncle needed. Her uncle asked if he could borrow some and I said I didn't care and he sent her with me."
"She was obviously expecting something else."
"I wasn't. I don't want her-"
"That's why you keep spending so much time with her?"
"I was painting her shop again. I had one wall left to do and when I finished I was speaking to her uncle Mike. He was asking how I felt about Shannon and I told him straight up they I don't like her like that. At all. That I am in love with someone else."
"You didn't need to tell him that."
"Why? Because it's true? Because you don't want to admit to me that you have feelings for me?"
"I do not!"
"Then why did you kiss me? Why did you cling to me the other night when we fell asleep in the same bed?"
"I don't know!"
"Well then lets go. Maybe you can figure it out soon."
"There are other girls out there. Nothing special about me."
"There is everything special about you… You just don't see it."
He turned and began walking back to the shop and I followed slowly behind him. As much as I dreaded going back, I had to. Then I had to deal with him all day on Saturday and Sunday…
Yeah, maybe I should admit how I feel about him but I can't do that with how things have been going… I can't because of who he is. He say's he loves me but so far I have seen almost no proof. And he even said it himself, 'nobody can like me if I don't even like me.' I don't even love myself so how can he love me?