Darker side of friends


1. New chapter

I never thought you'd find out I did that. And I certainly never thought you'd truly care. We flip each other’s switches, turning them off and on, on and off. I want you in my life because your face, your touch, reminds me of the monster I've become. You’re mask of innocence was shattered the moment I met you. Equal exchange is important to create a working relationship; you use me just as I use you. You take the part of me that is so dark, so malicious that it seems to be from the depths of hell, coaxing it into the light. With infantile weakness I need you to feed my anger, my hunger and my desire.

You're better than drugs, I breathe you in and you are consumed, altering me from within. It feels like you're pulling teeth; it’s a bittersweet feeling. I can see a side of me I've never known and in my head reality is horrendously skewed. The disconcerting delirium fans the flames of my rage. My mind feels like it's gonna bleed, fucked up and spun out in our room. These fantasies, or are they reality, are composed of a very fine tuning. First I long and then I lust for your twisted games, needing you to release my relentless rouge.

?Before I met you I was penniless and a victim of betrayal and lies. But now I'm rich and powerful, your king on the chess board. I will always want you; I'll try to break you. My only solace is your brutality of truths. There is no love here, just an uneven trade. You hold the key to the “me” that I was destined to be while I in turn reap your body of its fruits. At first it seemed successful bartering but now I see you had planned it this way all along. Never did I think that I would be caught in the way you got me.

I'll be yours until my dying day but I can hardly stand you. You're powers are like an alluring dream that has washed over me and taken my sanity. Dreams that are so unreal but I can't face the facts for my story shall never end. I have no belief in any alternate path for me but I believe that I'm a ticking pipe bomb and I have no rights. I feel the pressure is building in me, I feel the pressure making it harder to breathe. With my fist in the air I shall proclaim my war cry and succumb to my hated demons. Will you come with me? Will you stay with me? Will you die with me? If you loved me you would be here with me, locked in this torturous realm.

It's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional. It sure as hell will never end but we'll deal, I'll deal. I love you for everything you ever took from me. I hate you for the way you smile when you look at me. I love the way you dominate and violate me. I hate you for always saving me from myself. I love you for never once giving me my way. I hate you for always choosing me and not someone else. I love you for never delivering me from pain. I hate you for always pulling me back the edge. I love you for always driving me insane.

?You're the one thing I can never live without. If you loved me, you'd let me go. Criminal tongues conspire against the odds, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You have the piece of me I wish I didn't need, yet you have my clarity. It's true that we are all a little insane but this beast you've molded me to be is encompassed in madness. You've taken over over time. I love to hate you. I am your sacrifice.

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