Girlie & David

Behold; a Lilo and Stitch remake with dirty jokes, Gravity Falls characters, and David Tennant!


6. Chapter Six

     Girlie cautiously stepped beyond the door into an empty room. There were beds lining the walls, but other than that, there was nothing. It seemed she was the only soul in the room. In reality, there were a bunch of little boys, cowering under the beds.

     "Hello?" she called, listening to the echo. "Hello? Are there any kids in here?"

     Christopher, who had been pounding his head into a brick on the wall, heard her and scurried over to where he could see her. He weighed his options. He could go to her, allowing himself the ability to leave safely. But he'd end up stuck with her.

     Still, he could always break her little fangirl heart.

     He decided quickly what was best. He dug in a nearby dresser, discarding his leather jacket for a long, brown trench coat. He exchanged his plain shirt and pants for a snazzy looking suit, that, to be honest, was a bit tight. Then he ran out to her.

     Startled, but attempting to make it work, Girlie smiled. "Hi."

     "H- Hi..." He surprised her with a big hug.


     She pulled him out with her, towards the front room, where Grenda and Prez were sitting on some chairs, talking.

     "Oh, yes. All our children are sane," Grenda was saying. Then she saw the boy Girlie walked out with. "EXCEPT THAT ONE!"

     She and Prez quickly ran and separated the two, pulling them apart. Prez, who was holding Girlie back by her armpits, screamed, "WHAT IS THAT THING?!"

     "A human... I think... But he was dead this morning!"

     "He was dead this morning?!"

     "We thought he was dead!  He was hit by a truck, and he had a different face!"

     "I like him!" Girlie exclaimed. "C'm'ere, boy."

     The child began to make his way to her, barely hindered my the big woman struggling to keep him back. Prez jumped up on the chair, holding Girlie high up. But she soon crashed down.

     Sighing with resignation, she asked, "Wouldn't you like a different kid?"

     "We have better children, dear."

     "Not better than him! His hair has magical properties!"

     "People don't have magical hair, dear."

     "He does!"

     "Does it have to be this one?" Prez whined.

     "Yes," Girlie said as the kid, still dangling in mid-air, ran his tongue over his teeth, seeming perplexed, which was understandable. They were new. "He's good. I can tell."


     "We don't have him in the registry. You'll have to think of a name for him."

     "His name is Tennant. David Tennant."

     Grenda began, "That's not a real name." Prez protested, waving her hand. "In Scotland. But here, it's a good name. David Tennant it is." She wrote it down. "There is a two dollar license fee."

     Girlie popped up at the counter as Prez handed over the money. "I wanna buy him!" She tugged on Prez's shirt. "Can I borrow two dollars?"

     Prez rolled her eyes, snatching the green away from Grenda and handing it over to Girlie, who immediately handed it back. 

     "He's all yours," she said with a smile, stamping the adoption papers.


     "You're all mine..." October snarled from outside.

     "Well... what's he doing?"

     "Shh! Keep quiet. He's listening for us."

      In reply, Mari Anne whispered, "How good is his hearing? I mean, can he-" She was cut off by October, who snapped and wrapped her hand around Mari Anne's throat. She began making choking noises. 

     David ventured out the orphanage, and October immediately pressed the aiming laser on her gun, smiling at its little hummmmm...

     He acknowledged the little red dot that rested on his chest, but he simply smirked up at the two.

     "Why don't you run?" She set her finger against the trigger, ready to shoot.

     David called inside the building, "Girlie, sweetie."

     "Coming! I'm coming!" She ran out and excitedly threw her arms around her new friend.

     "Stop!" Mari Anne screamed, grabbing the gun and pointing it up at the sky, just as October squeezed the trigger. She stood in front of her, flailing her arms around for emphasis. "I have just determined this situation to be far too hazardous!"

     "Don't worry. I won't hit her." She picked her up and tossed her aside before taking aim again. 

     Mari Anne plugged the barrel with her finger. "No. That girl is an important part of repopulating the sluts! She may become one in the future!" 

     Keeping a finger in the gun, she shoved a mini slide projector in October's hands. "Here! Educate yourself!"

      She clicked through the slides. "This is... horrifying..." She clicked again. "Oh! I know that guy! Tried to get the goods without paying. What part of prostitute didn't he get?"

     This got a nice eye roll from her partner. 

      October dropped the projector. "Look at him. Using a little girl for a shield. THIS IS LOW, EVEN FOR YOU!"

     David stood on his head, waving his perfect butt in the air, taunting them. "WooHoo!"

     This definitely had the effect he had hoped for. October quickly lost her temper and screamed, rushing down the hill side. "I'LL TEAR HIM APART WITH ALL BOTH MY BARE HANDS! I'LL RIP HIS DICK OFF!"

     Mari Anne rushed after her. "Have you lost your mind?!"

     David began muttering darkly in Gallifreyan, causing curiosity from the young girl next to him. "What is it, David?"

     Grenda came out, and Mari Anne yanked October over into the shrubbery. "We. Cannot. Be seen."

     Grenda glared at David. "Those aren't real words."

     Girlie stood up for him immediately. "Yes, they are."

     "Then what did he say?"

     "Prezzie doesn't let me use words like that."

     She then proceeded laughed with David. 

     From behind the bush, Mari Anne was attempting to talk some sense in to the short-tempered October. "You can't shoot, and you can't be seen. Look at you!" She dropped her voice to a hushed tone. "You look like a whore."

     "I am..."

     She ignored this. "We have to blend in."


     Later that day, Girlie, Prez, and David were walking along the sidewalk. "Okay, I've got to get to work," Prez said, handing Girlie some money. "Stick around town and stay out of the roads, okay? I'll meet you at one."

     David began looking around, and peeked in the window at the sex toy shop they were standing in front of. He tilted his head at the movie playing on a screen which featured a woman whose boobs were obviously fake.

     "Okay. I guess I should get going." Prez lowered herself to Girlie's level, blowing a raspberry against her cheek, which coaxed a giggle. 

     "What about David?"

     Prez made a disgusted grunt, turned away, and left.

     There was the sound of bells chiming, and David turned his attention to the street corner, where a group of girls were riding. Girlie gasped. "My friends!"

     They spotted her and shrieked, pedaling swiftly to get away, but Girlie got there first.

     Ashley hissed, "What do you want?"

     "I'm sorry I bit you... and pulled your hair... and punched you in the face..."

      "Apology not accepted. Now get out of my way before I run you over."
     David walked over, and Ashley squealed.

     "I got a boy. His name is David. David Tennant."

     "That is the sexiest thing I have ever saw."

     "Yeeeah," two of her Populars agreed.

     David was silent a moment, contemplating the ways in which he could totally shatter her heart with fangirl feels. He shoved her off the bike and hopped on, along with Girlie, riding away. 

     Mari Anne and October were sitting nearby, watching the scene (while Ashley sobbed loudly). They were in lame disguises, Mari Anne in a Queen shirt and John Lennon style glasses, October in a Halloween costume she found in the trash that made her look like a slutty nurse.

     "Oh, great! He's loose!"

     With a devious smile, October explained, "His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to conventions, where he can put his face on over-priced merch, make people question their lives, and steal everyone's heart... only to destroy it."

     David and Girlie sped around the island, skidding to a halt every now and then with a displeased groan from David.
     After a while, they stopped atop a rock. Girlie washed the waters flow around. "It sucks to live in a small town where no one ever comes, so we can't have a con."

     David twitched and fell off the bike.

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