A large spaceship drifted through the deep, dark nothingness of reality sluggishly. Inside of the monster of a ship, a large courtroom lit up, revealing a council of six, at the head of which being a young woman with blonde hair and silver eyes with a tall dark-haired man at her side.
"Read the charges." The woman announced.
"October Oaks, scout of the Time Council." The man began, staring down the ghost in front of them. "You stand before this council accused of illegal interspecies prostitution."
A collective gasp rang out through the courtroom.
"How do you plead?" The woman asked.
"Not guilty!" October replied snappishly. "My prostitution is entirely theoritical, completely within legal boundaries!"
Prodding her further, the woman - Billie Cipher was her name - spoke again. "We believe you may have actually slept with somebody."
"Slept with someone? Ha!" Her speech was getting more and more exaggerated. "Prostitution is highly degrading! I would never, EVER -"
She was cut off by the sudden clang of metal, and the appearance of a slowly uncovering glass pod. She saw the feet of what was inside and tried to save herself.
" - do it more than once!"
The metal cleared away completely to reveal a small child in a leather jacket and jeans. His blue eyes looked to the council. They were whispering amongst themselves.
"What is that monstrosity?" The man, Rassilon, whispered.
"Monstrosity? What you see before you is my son, the first of a species revival! I call him Christopher Eccleston."
The child inside looked around at the council as October spoke. "He is bulletproof, fireproof, and can think faster than a supercomputer. He can see through the dark, and fend off waves of fangirls three times his size! His only instinct . . . to break every heart he sees!"
The ghost fell over in laughter as Billie scowled. When she spoke it was almost sadly. "So it is a monster."
"Hey, just a little one." October smiled slyly.
Rassilon slammed his fist on the council desk. "It is an affront to nature. It must be destroyed!"
"Calm yourself, Captain Rassilon. Perhaps he can be reasoned with." Billie turned to the child. "Christopher Eccleston. Give us some sign that you can understand this." Her voice turned desperate. "Show us that there is something inside you that is good."
The child cleared his throat, and the entire council leaned towards him. There was silence, and he spoke. "FANTASTIC!"
A gasp rang out, and a fat bald man wearing gray next to Billie and Rassilon lost his lunch. "A Time Lord." Billie whispered, shocked and disgusted.
"I didn't teach him that!" October stated.
"Place that idiot prostitute under arrest!" Rassilon bellowed, and a pod appeared around October.
"Idiot? I PREFER TO BE CALLED SEXUAL GENIUS!" She protested as she disappeared.
"And as for that abomination," Billie sighed, "it is the pure product of a deranged practice. It has no place among us. Captain Rassilon," Rassilon stood, "take it away."
"With pleasure." Rassilon cracked his knuckles.
Two guards carried the struggling child into a prison cell and attached him to a chair. A needle took some fluid from him, and the guard handed the vial of it to a girl with blonde hair - Pacifica Northwest. She took it, huffed snootily, and walked off.
Rassilon walked up to Christopher Eccleston, a smug smile turning the corners of his mouth upwards. "Uncomfortable? Good. The Time Council has banished you to exile on a desert asteroid. So relax, enjoy the trip . . . and don't get any ideas. These guns are locked onto your genetic signature. They won't shoot anyone . . . but you."
He poked a finger at the boy's face, and Christopher Eccleston bit it. Rassilon let out an enraged shout and pointed a cold gun at his forehead. "Why you . . ."
Pacifica cleared her throat. "May I remind the captain that he is on duty . . ." She nervously stepped away from Rassilon.
The man returned his gun to its place and glared at the boy for a moment. "Secure the cell!" He ordered, lumbering out. The door slammed shut behind him as he walked into the control room and sat behind two drivers.
He looked at his hand where Christopher Eccleston had bit him, and showed it to the drivers. "Does this, uh . . . look infected to you?"
The smaller ship blasted away from the massive one.
Christopher Eccleston looked back and forth between the guns curiously. "Hmm . . ." He freed his hand and pulled out a sonic screwdriver, pressing its button. The two guns shuttered. He giggled and pressed the button over and over.
Pacifica rolled her eyes and turned towards the child. "Quiet, you."
He glared at her before pressing the button one more time. The guns shot towards their new target.
The alarm went off in the cockpit, and the driver immediately saw what was wrong. "Dead fire, in the cell bank!"
"Open the channel."
Pacifica, shaking, stared at the hole where she had sat only moments before and looked to Christopher Eccleston in a shock. The child let out a dark chuckle before clicking the sonic screwdriver one more time, opening the door.
"He's loose on Deck C!"
"Red alert! Seal the deck!"
The child used his sonic screwdriver to free himself, and shut down all the laser beams as he went. He made it through every door, using his sonic screwdriver only when totally necessary.
"Guards, converge on door 7!"
Multiple armored men made their way into the corridor, looking for the little Time Lord. They spotted him almost immediately. "There he is!"
He dodged all their fires and scrambled into the air vents. One of the guards quickly contacted Rassilon. "Security to bridge, he's in the ventilation system!"
Rassilon heard the tapping of little feet almost immediately, and shot three times at the ceiling, missing each time. "He's headed for the power -" too late. The lights all flickered off, " - grid."
Suddenly, there was a burst and the ship was rocked. "What was that?" He glanced out the large window.
"I . . . don't think he's on the ship anymore."
"Confirmed! He's taken a police cruiser."
A red shape zoomed past the window, a child laughing inside.
"Yeah. He took the red one."
The rest of the police cruisers followed the wayward one through space. Christopher Eccleston cussed them out as he dodged the laser beams. He fired back, zooming into the mass . . . but it wasn't long before he crashed into another cruiser head on.
"Hm?" He glanced at one of his propellers. It was broken and in flames.
"We've got him! WE'VE GOT HIM!" One of the policemen crowed to his colleagues.
Christopher Eccleston giggled darkly and pulled out a dangerous-looking lever.
"Overdrive activated. System charging." A female voice declared as he turned it to where he could push it in.
One of the pilots gasped. "He's engaged his H drive!"
Rassilon started a call. "Mission command, that crazy trog is about to make a jump!"
"CLEAR TRANSFORMATION! AWAY FROM THAT SHIP!"
The other police cruisers all broke away, leaving the red one struggling to continue working.
The red one took off with an explosion large enough to rock the mother-ship.
Rassilon sighed and fell back into the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Get me the Time Council."
An enraged Billie Cipher marched into the main council room. "WHERE IS HE?!"
One of the computer workers turned to her. "He's still in hyperspace."
Billie reached the bottom of the stairs. "Where will he exit?"
A large screen popped up, calculating a region of space.
"Quadrant 17, Section 005, Timeline 51. A planet called . . . Eearth."
"I want an expert on this planet in here now!" She watched the projection move towards a blue substance. "What is that?"
"Water. Most of the planet is covered with it."
"He won't survive in water. His molecular density is too great."
There was a collective sigh of relief. However, a small island appeared on the screen. "No..." The projection settled on it, and Billie rolled her eyes. "Of course." She sighed. "How much time do we have?"
"We have projected his landing at three hours, forty two minutes."
"Ugh . . . we have to gas the planet."
"HOOOLD it!" The council turned to face the girl that had just walked in. "Hold everything. Earth is a protected wildlife preserve." She pulled out a picture of a scantily-clad human girl. "We've been using it to rebuild the slut population which, need I remind you, is an endangered species!"
(Quick note from Prez Cipher: If our dirty jokes bother you then don't even BOTHER continuing to read, it will most likely get worse XD)
"Am I to assume you are the expert?"
"Hohoho, I don't know about expert . . . ah . . . ahem . . . Agent Mari Anne at your service."
"Can we not simply destroy the island?"
"NOOOO! Crazy head!"
Billie stared at her in shock.
"The sluts' food of choice, primitive alinoid lifeforms, have colonies all over that planet." She handed her a slidey thing.
"Are they intelligent?" Billie asked, viewing the slides.
"No. But they're very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid strikes their planet, they have to begin life all over." The slides were handed back to her. "Fascinating, isn't it? With this I've been able to study -"
"What if our military forces just landed there?"
"Well, that'd be a bad idea! These are extremely simple creatures, Miss. Landing there would cause mass mayhem and planet-wide panic."
"A quiet capture would require an understanding of Christopher Eccleston we do not posses! Who, then, Miss Mari Anne, would you send for his extraction?"
Mari Anne was silent for a moment, thinking. "Does he have a brother? Close grandmother, perhaps?"
The door to the prison ward clanged open, and in strutted Billie with Mari Anne close behind. The prisoners scratched at their glass walls as Mari Anne continued, getting increasingly nervous.
"Friendly . . . cousin? Neighbor with a beard?"
An elevator moved upward. In the cell they stopped at was October Oaks, who read a newspaper article. Her eye twitched and she blew it up, ectoplasm splattering everywhere.
The door clanged open, and Mari Anne jumped. October looked up, chuckling darkly and uttering a jibberish like greeting.
"I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you." Billie said, trying to sound friendly.
"I designed this creature to be unstoppable."
"Which is precisely why you must bring him back."
This shocked to ghost. "What? Me?"
"And to reward you, we are willing to trade your freedom for his capture."
October sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Eccleston will not come easily. Maybe a direct hit from a plasma cannon will stun him long enough to -"
"Plasma cannon granted. Do we have a bargain, Miss Oaks?"
October grunted and nodded.
Mari Anne tried to argue. "But . . . but . . . it's a delicate planet! Who's gonna control her?"
Mari Anne chuckled nervously as Billie left the room. "Good one, your Highness, I -" she realized she was gone - "you're not joking!"
"So tell me, my little friend." October approached Mari Anne slowly. "In which poor, pitiful, defenseless reality has my monstrosity been unleashed?"