Every day is the same: I wake up, get ready, go to school, try to survive and get back home. And Each time I wake up I question what I am doing with my life. Today was just like every other, at least that's what I thought. I quickly took a shower, jumped in some clothes and ate a sandwish. My dad was already gone for work, actually he's not home often. In the beginning it was hard, I was on my own all the time, and I felt like breaking because my dad is all I had left. Not that my dad really looked after me like father should. He would forget my birthday, refused to bring me to school and he didn't care whenI had a bad day. Actually I was on my own for most of the time. I was used to it, but I wished things were different.
I walked out and took my bike. Luckely the weather wasn't that bad and I arrived at school in less then fiveteen minutes. I decided to wait to the last minute so no one would be at the bike stall, and when everyone left for class I quickly put my bike away and ran into the school. The hallways were already empty so I could walk to my classroom in peace. I did this every day. It was a habbit I got since I realised I coudn't handle getting pushed around every class change anymore. I wanted to walk down the halls without bieng scared someone would let me trip or throw things at me. I didn't say anything back though, because I was scared. Scared that was how I felt most of the time. I didn't let them see it though, I always pretended I didn't care. If it comes to pretending I'm happy, I'm the best actor you can find.
I knocked the door and walked in. It surprised no one that I was late, I always came into the class a couple of minutes later.
No one turned around to look at me, they never do, unless it's to shove me. The teacher already began talking about the lesson of today, but I wasn't very interested, history just makes me want to sleep. In the middle of the class there was a knock on the door and a woman walked in, followed by a guy, not just a guy, the must handsome guy I had ever seen. He was tall, had chocolate brown curls and sparkling green eyes. I had to force myself not to stare at him. I noticed the class starting to talk and all the girls were staring. The new guy took place in the classroom and there was no way not to notice how crazy the girls went about the new guy. I was pretty reliefed it was him that the people were talking about, I knew most of the time I'm the one who the people talk about, but it's not in a good way, it's never in a good way. The new kid took the attention away from me so I finally got some peace. I started scribbeling in my notebook: words, poems, songs, things I love to write but nobody can know, they would laugh at me. And nobody ever sees these things because nobody sits next to me. I was always forced to be in the front of the classroom, but as soon as the teacher realised that the people in the class gave me a hard time they moved me to the back with a desk for my own. I don't complain about it, at least the leave me alone for most of the time.
There rest of the day went peacefull, I got bored and caught myself looking at the new kid, and I didn't even knew his name. I knew nothing about him, but somehow he made my day a little brighter. As soon as class ended I walked out and tried to go to my locker as quickly as possible but I wasn't quick enough, Greg, one of the ''cool'' guys, pushed my harshly against the locker and he wasn't done yet. I knew he was talking to me, but I looked at the ground in fear, wishing it would be over soon. And then he let go off me and I fell to the ground. This wasn't new, I went trough this a lot of times and I got used to it. No one really cares actually, why should they? It's not their problem, as long as they are popular and happy. Greg wasn't the owly one who gave me a hard time, most of the time it was Milo. He was on the football team and a lot of the 'weaker' kids feared him. He was tall, with strong muscles and somehow he got away with everything he did. I just tried to advoid him. But when I couldn't I knew what was waiting, and no one ever stood up for me.
I quickly grabbed my books out of my locker and headed for the lab. This was the only class I had a place in the front row, and it was a class I acually liked a bit. The teacher was mister Sparrow, an older man, almost bold but one of the most friendly teachers in this school. 'Today you all get to know your labparter, you are going to work together for the rest of the year so I thought about it for a long time.' Mister Sparrow said. He started to read his list and I waited for my name. '...Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles.' Wait what? Did he just say Harry? Harry, that must be the new kid, so he's gonna be my labpartner. I didn't know how to feel about it, one side of me was so exited, but on the other side it also made me very nervous.
As soon as everyone was seated I looked over at Harry and he smiled. 'Hi, You are Louis right?' He asked. I smiled, 'Yeah...' The rest of that class we spended on doing little proofs but I actually had fun and Harry even made me laugh when he let a small proof almost explode. It got a little akward when he caught me looking at him, but I just couldn't help it. He didn't seem to mind it though. When I looked around the class I saw the jealous looks of the other girls, ofcourse they were talking behind my back and making fun of me, but right then, I didn't really care. I had a feeling that me and Harry would get along well as labpartners. 'What's that?' Harry asked as he pointed to my notebook. 'N-nothing.' I quickly put it away before he could ask more questions. 'Do they play football in this school?' Harry asked. I slowly nodded. 'Yeah, ofcourse.' I quickly answered. I just hoped he would keep talking to me but instead he turned away from me and started flirting with the other girls. What did I expect? That he would be friends with me? I'm so hopeless. Harry could easely get every girl in school and it seemed like every girl was interested in him. He would propably start dating one of the pretty cheerleaders. This school may be English, but when it comes to streotypes, it looks a lot like a school in an American movie. Wich roll am I in that movie? The nerd? The loser? The loner? Propably all of that.
Walking down the hallways of the school always scares me, there are so many people around that like to humiliate or hurt me, and I don't even know why. I'm different, but is that a reason to do such things to me? I want to know how it feels to be popular, to walk around without fear, knowing that everyone likes you, knowing that people got your back. Now I just try not to be noticed. But sometimes I close my eyes and I imagine how it is to be popular, to be loved be everyone els. Then I shouldn't be scared to go to school? I would have plenty of friends intead of just two that I barely see. I shouldn't care about homework because everyone would stand in a line to make it for me. It all seems so awesome but it will never happen. As soon as I would leave this school I would propably just work at a music shop. Because music is my getaway. No one knew about it but I loved singing and I loved it to write songs. Unfortunatly No one even cared about my hobbies.
Lunchbreak is something I hate the most, I try to find a spot on my own, far away from everyone els. And then I saw him, Harry. He was sitting at the table with the footballplayers, ofcourse he joined the team. It would be just a matter of time before he stops talking to me, or even worse, starts beating me up. I was snapped out of my thoughts because someone stood right in front of me. It was Milo, one of the footballplayers, he dates every girl in school, I don't think you can call it dating anymore. 'Hey fag, are you drooling over the new kid?' He said. I got my look of his face and looked at the ground. 'I'm not gay and I'm not drooling!' I shouted. The next moment I was picked up and punched in the stomach. Before I could say anything els, Milo just left. I quickly got back on my feet again. If someone would see me like this they would make fun of me and I hated it when I got pointed at or got called names. I ignore them most of the time but sometimes what they say, leaves scars on my heart.
I didn't know how long I was goint to take this, ofcourse I was lying, I am gay, and Harry for sure makes me drool, but no one has to know, if they know I'm gay, everything will get even worse. I decided to go look for Alice and Mark, they were outside under a tree. they were the only ones smiling when I joined them. 'Having a harsh day?' Alice asked. I sighed. 'It's okay, it doesn't matter.' I looked over and saw the guys of the footballteam walking outside too. Ofcourse Harry was with them again, followed by some cheerleader girls. I never get why they like those girls so much, they aren't the brightest and they are all mean not to say bitchy. 'You like the new kid don't you?' Mark said as he caught me looking. 'He's good looking, but I don't stand a chance so forget about it.' I murlmered. 'You know Louis, one day you will find your prince charming.' Alice said. 'I don't think so.' I sighed.
The bell rang and again I waited for the halls to get empty. Alice and Mark inmidiatly left to their class so I was waiting on my own. We once became friends on a schooltrip, too bad I had no classes with them, it would make school a bit easyer. But I just had to take things the way they are.
As soon as I got myself together I stood up and walked cirkles around the school untill class started again. As soon as I took place, we all got a letter. My heart jumped, a trip to Paris? No way! that means constant bullying, what if they put me in the same room as one of the guys that hate me? Wait, every guy in this school hates me. The only people that are nice to me are Alice and Mark, but I don't have class witht them so I only see them during the break. I rubbed my forehead, only two weeks before we leave. I decided to think of a reason not to go, but then I realised I I wouldn't go, the bulllying will get worse when school starts again. I just had to go with them and hope for the best.
As soon as school was over, I waited for everyone to leave before I went to my bike myself. Unlike others I didn't have my own car so no matter what weather it is, I will always go to school by bike. Just when I was about to leave I noticed my tires were flat, great...Now I need to walk. Not that this was the first time. I just dragged my bike home. On my way home I passed by the graveyard where my mom rested. I missed her so much and I just wished she was still here. I would never forget the day I found out she had canceR. I kept hoping and hoping she would get better. Even when I saw she was getting worse quickly I kept hoping the she would get better. But she didn't, and I lost her. My mom was the person who always kept me standing. She would talk with me or sing with me, or we would go shopping together. My interesest in music is what I got from her.
My dad still wasn't home, so I put the letter for Paris on the table and I just went upstairs and laid myself on my bed, thinking about Paris. I didn't want to go, but I I wouldn't go I would really regret it right when schools starts again. I rolled myself in a ball, wishing that my life would be easy, that people would understand, but sadly, that's not my life.
Days passed by and nothing really changed for me. The only thing that changed was that Harry got really popular in no time and soon enough I was just his labpartner and he only talked to me when he really needed to. After only a week he became head of the footballteam, and every girl of this school drooled over him. He was liked by everyone. It was strange that he got so popular in just a few days.
I didn't know why but it kind of hurt me to see Harry making out with a girl in front of the big tree. It was clearly that that wasn't love, it was just a hot guy making out with a hot girl because of popularity. Why did I thought that Harry was different? He's just another douchebag. Someone poked me and I looked to my side to find Mark. 'Staring at the new kid?' He asked with a smirk. I shook my face. 'No, I'm just disgusted he's already making out with the biggest slut in school.' I answered trying to stop looking at them. 'Just ignore them, Harry's no good that's for sure.' I nodded but something about Harry jsut got my attention. When he walked into the classroom he gave me a feeling I can't discribe. I just wished I could tell what it was. 'Just let him be, in a couple of days he's propably already making out with some other girl.' Mark said.
Mark was right, two days later Harry was making out with Clara, one of the cheerleaders, it wasn't really a shocker though. I tried just to ignore him, as long as he didn't start to bully me it didn't really matter. And I still had Mark and Alice, no matter what happens they would always be there for me.
Like always I joined them on the grassfield during lunchbreak. 'Are you guys going to Paris next week?' I asked, hoping they would say yes, but instead they looked at me in confusion. 'Paris? Are you going to Paris?' Alice asked. I slowly nodded. 'Sadly yes, but now I know you guys aren't going I hate the idea even more.' I sighed. 'Don't worry, I sure it won't be that bad.' Mark said. 'Yeah, and Paris is the city of love, I think it's beautiful there.' Mark added. I knew they tried to sheer me up but there was no way to make me feel better about this schooltrip. 'City of love? I don't know if you noticed but I'm not really loved.' Alice pulled me in for a hug. 'Don't worry Lou, you will find your prince charming.' She said as she let me go.
The next days I tried not to worry too much. It's only two weeks, it won't be that bad. When I came home I was alone, again my father won't be back for three weeks. It wasn't new though. I just made a sandwish and sat myself on the couch. This week wasn't so bad after all. The girls were busy trying to get Harry's attention and the guys tried to be better than Harry. Even though he had no idea he still helped me. After eating I took a quick hot shower before climbing into my bed. The only thing I had to worry about was getting trough that stupid schooltrip. I just needed to stay close to the teachers and keep myself quite. I rolled myself in a ball, luckely I was very tired so falling asleep wasn't that difficuld.