I stop the water in the shower and step out into the steamy air. The mirror is foggy, so I wipe off a spot so that I can see myself. I shave my face baby smooth because I know Clark doesn’t really like it when my face is stubbly and prickly. Thats fine, he doesn’t tell me to shave, I just do it because I know he doesn’t like it. But thats what love is, you put someones wants and needs before yours.
“Hey Clark, wake up we gotta see that landlady today.” I call from the bathroom.
No response. He must still be sleeping.
I don’t know what time he came home, but I woke up wrapped around him. His hair was damp and it looked like he was shivering. I put the blankets on him before stepping into the shower.
I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked out of the cramped bathroom. Clark was gone from the bed, and the top bunk was stripped of his sheets. The closet doors were open and all of his clothes were gone except a flannel that was on the floor. What was going on? All of his stuff is gone, and we weren't moving out until at least 4 more days when the semester ends. Everything of his was gone, except that one blue flannel he wore on the day I saw him walk into the dorm.
I called him in a state of panic, I had no clue what was going on. He finally picked up on the 7th ring.
“Nolan…” he sighed.
“Clark, where are you? Why is all your stuff gone?”
“Nolan, I thinks its best if I…. wasn’t in your life anymore.” His voice was small and sad.
“Clark, no! No, why would you ever think that?” A small hole was forming in my heart, and it felt like I was punched in the throat.
“Nolan, I did something terrible you just-”
“I forgive you.” I cut him off.
“What? Nolan you don’t mean that-”
“I do! Whatever you did I forgive you.”
“Nolan, I-I um, Nolan oh my gosh I, I cheated,” His voice was shaking
You could’ve stabbed me in the stomach 19 times and that wouldn’t even compare to how I felt right now.
“well I just, Nolan oh god, I’m so sorry it’s just that..” I heard a sniffle on the other end, oh god.
“Clark, I forgive you.” Truthfully, I felt so betrayed, and the hole in my heart grew larger with every second. “And I love you so much. Please don’t just walk out on me-”
“Sorry pal, but Clark isn’t yours anymore.” a man with a deeper voice was on the other end now.
“Wait, who the fuck are you?” I demanded.
“Probably the guy Clark chose over you.” I could hear that assholes smirk on the other end of the line.
“Listen here asshole, I asked you once, now I’m going to ask you again, who the fuck are you?”
“Can’t you hear? I’m the guy Clark chose over you.” I could here Clark in the background saying ‘Sean give it back’.
So Sean was his name…
“Well Sean, you better pray to whatever god you believe in that I’m not able to find you, because when I do, I’m going to fucking crush you into the dirt. Watch your back you little worm.” I fumed.
“Okay, whatever big guy.” he chuckled before hanging up. Leaving me on the other end hanging.
I held the phone in my hand, staring at Clarks contact screen. His picture ID was of him in his red beanie and a brown scarf, his nose
I took that picture on a date we had in December. It was an especially chilly day, and we went to go ice skating outside. Clark was a total natural at it, he was already doing mini spins in the ice, while I was falling on my ass every five minutes. Clark just smiled at me, and held my hands while he helped me skate the laps around the ice with everyone else.
I think that was the day that I really feel hard for Clark. He was so understanding and caring.
I fell back into the mattress, a tear escaping from my eyes as my insides were eating me inside out.
“Okay, whatever big guy.” Sean chuckled before hanging up the phone.
It was Nolan on the other end, and he probably hated me. He probably hated every inch of me, wanted nothing to do with me.
I started crying as Sean handed me back my phone, and when he saw that I was crying, he hugged me.
“Shh, Clark its okay now. Now that you left Nolan you can be with me now right?” He stroked the top of my head.
Im garbage, throw me in the trash where I belong.
I don’t deserve Nolan, I never did.
Even though he was my old bully from high school, I loved him.
Even when he was being silly, and we would argue I loved him.
I still love him.
I don’t know why I slept with Sean, I honestly don’t know what came over me yesterday.
I pushed out of Seans grasp and took my cell from his hand.
“Clark, where are you going?” He called as I walked into the hallway. I didn’t respond, I just pressed the elevator button.
“Are you really going back to that asshole?” He followed me into the elevator car. “Clark please, stay with me!”
“Sean…” The door closed in the elevator, and I pulled him in for a hug. “I like you, you’re a good friend. But what I did was a mistake, and I know that because you’re such a good friend you can understand right?” I released my grasp and looked at him. His eyes looked dull.
“Clark, you can’t play with someone's feelings like that! I thought you liked me, I mean you’ve been flirting with me for weeks!” His eyes were watering now. Fuck.
“Nononono, don’t cry.” I grabbed his hands and the the bell rang as the doors opened. He looked at me pleading with his eyes.
“I’ll text you.” I walk out of the car, and into the lobby.
With all my stuff in the back seat of my car, I drove back to the college campus.
With a shaky hand I unlocked my dorm with my key. Stepping inside I could feel the heaviness in the air.
“Clark?” I heard Nolans voice, and the weight on my chest came back again.
I turned the corner and there he was, I honestly didn’t think things through. What could I say to him now that we’re face to face?
“Hey, where did you go?” He was quiet.
“I uh, I went to Sean’s apartment.”
“Oh, so you went there. I see.” He crossed his arms, looking disappointed.
“No Nolan, we didn’t… Look, I just made a huge mistake okay? I know you may never forgive me but I just want you to know I’m so sorry. And if you don’t want to be with me anymore I can totally understand that but I want to be with you-” fuck, here come the tears, “and only you, and I know im such a piece of shit.” I hiccuped.
He pulled me into an embrace, pulling my head down to rest on his shoulder.
“I already told you, I forgive you. I can’t even fathom how anyone couldn’t forgive a person like you Clark. You're not a piece of shit, oh gosh please don’t cry.”
“I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t help myself, I was sobbing now.
“Hey~ sweetheart look at me.” I looked up and he smiled at me, cupping my chin he leaned in and kissed me. “I believe you.” I could feel his hot breath on my lips as he whispered those words.
Standing on my toes I placed my hands on the back of his neck and kissed him again.
“I love you so much Nolan.” I whispered into his neck.
“I love you more than you will ever know.”
When I kiss Nolan, I usually get this funny, warm bubbly feeling in my chest, and the room spins, and I get dizzy until we pull apart and then I’m sent back to Earth. But this time it literally felt like there was a fire in my heart, and it kept getting stronger. Was I having a heart attack? My eyes fluttered open and I saw a warm yellow light coming from Nolans chest. I pulled apart and looked down at my chest. A light.
We were lighting up for each other, and Nolan was smiling so brightly. The light from out chests reflecting in his eyes.
“Damn” I giggled.
And we kissed again. But not for long, we had a meeting with a landlady.