“You wanna grab some coffee?” I asked, as we came closer to a Starbucks. Both of us had been up really early, and both of us were really tired. I was going to sleep on the plane. No doubt about that. Hopefully Damon would do that as well.
I was starting to think that Caroline's advice actually had worked. I had felt Damon's eyes on my back all morning. And when I had looked at him, he looked like he was completely gone in his thoughts. I was desperate to know what he was thinking about. Was he really thinking about me? Could it be true?
I had also noticed the way Matt looked at me, when we were back before the security. I had kept my eyes on my shoes, trying to ignore his staring. It was uncomfortable. He was with Caroline. He definitely shouldn't be looking at me that way. Damon was supposed to look at me that way. And he did.
My heart rate had been way up high, ever since I had stepped down the stairs this morning. I was constantly nervous. I had no idea what Damon thought about my change of outfit. Did he like it? Did he think I looked like a slut? What did he think?
I had absolutely no idea. And I hated it.
“Of course. You know me,” he said, with a very charming smile printed on his lips. Something in his eyes had changed. But what was that? I had to remember not to rush stuff, and come to conclusions that weren't true. He wasn't just going to give himself over, just because I changed my appearance a bit. No, this was going to crave a fight.
And then there was the bet we had going. Normally I would've never agreed to those terms. But it was Damon, and I wanted him. That's why I had said yes. And by then end of the holiday, I would know how it felt to kiss my best friend. And I couldn't wait.
There was no way in hell he was going to keep up that journal. I hadn't been able to keep it up, when I first started writing. The only reason why I had succeeded, was because of my mother.
I wondered what she would think, if she was here now. She had always liked Damon. And our parents had been sure that we were going to end up marrying each other. But I wasn't sure they had actually been certain about that.
I was dragged away from my thoughts, by the barista.
“Hey, you two. What can I do for you?” She was smiling as if her life depended on it. I took a quick look at her name tag. Mary. And then I couldn't help but notice how pretty she was.
She had a complete model body. Slender, tanned beautiful skin, long legs, long arms and a beautiful face. Her blonde hair was up at the moment, but it was clear how beautiful it was. I wasn't sure if I could take Damon flirting with her.
But it was Damon. This girl looked fantastic, and he was going to flirt with her. He always flirted with all the pretty girls. And then he brought them home. And I would spend the night crying in my pillow, while I listened to the moans and groans coming from his room. At least he didn't have a bed to take her too here. He only had a bathroom, and I would be able to escape.
I noticed that he was looking at me, as if he was waiting for an answer to something. Oh, right, we needed to order something.
“The usual,” I said, with a small shrug. He looked at the barista again, and I looked away. I didn't want to see his flirty looks, and the way he would be leaning over the counter to flirt with her. No way.
“One café latte and a frappuccino,” he said. I smiled, as he remembered what I liked. Well, we had been visiting Starbucks a lot. Both of us were completely addicted to coffee, and I loved spending time with him. Lucky for me he didn't see our coffee dates as real dates. Just us hanging out. And that was also how I liked it. Except for when he flirted with the barista's.
“Coming right up! How long have you two been together?” I felt my cheeks getting red and I looked at my shoes. I was just waiting for his response to her. He would tell her that I was his little sister, and that he'd never do anything with me. But she could come with him, if she wanted to. His usual flirting move. But this time I wasn't okay with hearing it.
“Three years,” he said.
Wait, what? Did he tell her that we were together? I smiled as I looked at him. He kept his look on the barista. My heart was beating even faster now, and I felt completely happy. If only it was true. If only we were actually dating. That would be the best thing in my entire life.
Well, if he wanted to play a game, I would be on. Caroline had told me to let go of the old shy me. I needed to be a woman now. Mature, and able to seduce a man. So, if Damon wanted to play, I wanted to play as well.
“Wow, that's a long time. You must really love each other.” The barista looked happy. I pulled myself together, and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“We do,” I said, looking at him, the way I wanted to look at him. I didn't keep my emotions at bay. I let every single one loose, showing him just how much he meant to me. A smile spread on his lips, as he looked into my eyes, happiness going through his eyes.
He wrapped his arm around my waist, and gently pulled me on.
“Now, let's go get our coffees, honey,” he said. I smiled, as I felt his soft lips on my forehead. God, that felt nice. And I liked his arm around me. I relaxed completely, and even leaned a bit into him. This was right. This was how it was supposed to be. Did he feel the same as me?
We got our coffees and sat down on some couches in the back of the restaurant. We would be able to talk here, without the barista listening in.
I know I should have started questioning him about the whole 'pretending like we were dating' thing, but I didn't. I just played with my straw, feeling extremely nervous. This felt like a date. A lot more than it usually felt like, when I was with him. I looked up at him, noticing that he was staring at me, with a small smile playing on his lips. I blushed.
“What are you staring at?” I felt like a small school girl. Not like the 20 year old woman I was. Maybe because I wasn't a woman. I hadn't even kissed a boy, for Christ's sake. I was still the small school girl I felt like, when Damon was looking at me, like he was.
“You,” he said. I felt my cheeks turning even more red, and returned my look to the coffee. I felt my heart flutter. I wanted to be his girlfriend. Just like he'd said to that barista. His girlfriend. My heart sped up once again, at the thought of being his.
“What? Can't I look at you? Last time I checked, this was a free country,” he said, looking at his cellphone. What was he checking? Messages from someone? Or maybe just the time. Probably just the time. He surely didn't want us to miss our flight.
“I guess you can. I'm just not used to someone staring at me. It's not very polite, you know,” I said, still laughing. He never seized to amaze me. He smiled at me. Something in his eyes had changed. I just wasn't sure what it was.
“Well, get used to it. I like looking at you,” he said, finding his charming smirk. Wait, that smirk was something he used when he flirted with girls. Why was he giving me it? I shook my head and sipped my coffee, trying not to let it affect me. It couldn't have been. I didn't see clearly. That was it. Because Damon would never be flirting for real with me.
Sure, he always came up with inappropriate innuendos and flirted with me. But he never meant it, and I knew that. I'd seen him, when he was actually going after a girl. That wasn't anything like what he used to do with me. And even though I would love it, he probably never would.
I felt my cheeks turning red again, as I could felt his eyes on me. Did I have something in my face? Oh God, it had to be my make-up. I wasn't used to wear that stuff.
I had to bring something up. But what?
“So, why dd you pretend we were going out? I would've thought you wanted to flirt with her? She was cute,” I said, nodding towards the barista. She was serving someone else, smiling at them,exactly like she had smiled at us. She was the one, who had asked about us. We had looked like a couple. A real couple.
He shrugged and leaned back in the couch, relaxing. I smiled at him. He was wearing the same clothes as always. Black t-shirt, black jeans, black boots and his black leather jacket. He rarely wore anything else than black. Sometimes dark blue, and I had once seen him in a white shirt. That had been a sight for sore eyes.
“Nah. Wanted to have a bit of fun. As I recall, you played your part in it as well,” he said, raising one eyebrow. I bit on the inside of my chin, while I shrugged casually and leaned back as well. Stay cool, stay cool. What would be casual to say?
“It was fun. I liked pretending we were going out,” I said, trying to look innocent while I played with the straw. So not cool. God, this was already a disaster.
He didn't know what to say. That had the be the only reason he kept quiet and sipped his coffee. Not a word. His eyes indicated that he was somewhere far away in his mind. What was he thinking about? Us? Me?
No. That couldn't be it. He probably just regretted pretending we were going out. Now he couldn't flirt with the barista, or anyone else in the café. It had been his choice after all. Not mine.
“We should get going. There's not much time to the plane is taking off. Come on,” I nodded and we gathered our things and started walking towards the gate. On the way, I checked my make-up in a small hand mirror, relieved that everything was looking fine.
But then what had he been staring at?
“I'm really looking forward to this holiday,” Damon said, as we walked through all the shops. Both of us was in desperate need of candy, and we hadn't brought anything from home. It was kind of a tradition for us to share candy on the plane. Jenna and Alaric had always found it rather funny, but it was normal for me and Damon. Another thing we just did.
“Me too. I've always wanted to go to California,” I said, looking at some chocolate. I needed chocolate. This was going to be tough. Damon seemed to be thinking of something all the time, and I was getting insecure. I missed my hoodies, and I really wanted to cover up. I wanted to hide my body. Men in the airport were looking at me, and I was starting to feel very uncomfortable. I wasn't used to the attention, and I really didn't like it.
I wanted Damon's attention. Not all of the old and disgusting men in the airport.
“You are incredibly tense, Lena. What's wrong?” he said, lowering his voice. I bit my lip and looked into his wonderful blue eyes.
“I just don't like the way all the men are staring at me. I feel kind of... Naked. I miss my hoodies,” I said, not being able to lie to him. Quickly he shrugged his leather jacket off, and handed it to me. I frowned and looked at it.
“Take this. It'll cover you up a bit. And then people will think we're dating. And no one is going to take as much as one wrong look at my girl,” he said, and put the jacket around my shoulders. I blushed, but accepted his jacket. It smelled like him. Like alcohol, leather and... Well, him. It isn't something I can explain. It's just this special scent of Damon. And it made me calm down.
And I felt like I was back in the game. He wanted to pretend like we were dating? Fine by me.
I stood on my toes and pressed my lips against his cheek once again. Then I went back down and smiled at him.
“Thank you,” I said and then moved on to the chocolate. Damon followed me, not letting me out of his sight. Why was he being so protective of me? Normally he would've laughed, and said that I had nothing to worry about. But to pretend like we were dating, were something completely new. He'd never done anything like that before.
Both of us got our candy, and then we moved on to the gate. When we left the candy shop, I felt his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. Once again, my heart rate went up like crazy. It felt like his hand sent small electric shocks out from the places he touched me.
Like it was the most natural thing in the world, I leaned into him, enjoying his embrace. So this was what it was like to be Damon's girlfriend. Except for the kissing part. He hadn't kissed me, and probably weren't going to. Not unless he lost that bet. Then he would be kissing me. I couldn't wait. I really couldn't. I wanted to feel his lips against mine, and I wanted it soon. But I had to wait. Caroline would make sure that he would start seeing me as someone worth dating, not just a best friend, or a little sister. Everything would be fine. Hopefully.
“Thank you for doing this, Damon,” I said, as we got near the gate. I wanted to enjoy being in his embrace, just a bit longer. We both stopped walking, and turned towards each other. He wrapped the other arm around my waist as well, and pulled me closer. Our bodies were now touching each other, and I was sure he was able to feel my heightened heart beat.
“Everything for you, Lena,” he said and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. God, his lips were soft. I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his neck, making us look even more like the couple we were pretending to be.
“I really mean it, Damon. I felt really uncomfortable before. Thank you for helping. I know it must be a bit weird, pretending like you're dating your best friend,” I said, looking down for a moment. I felt the blush on my cheeks, but at the same time, I felt tears stinging in my eyes. Now he was going to come with some sort of point, that proved to me, that I was never going to be more than a friend. And that would break me.
“It's not weird. I like it. My jacket looks really nice on you,” he said and smiled at me. I looked up again, surprised by his statement. He liked it? Seriously? Maybe this clothing thing were a bit more effective, than Caroline had said. He already seemed to be flirting a bit with me.
“And I would do anything for you, Lena. You know that,” he added. He was smiling at me, a small sparkle in his eyes. Oh God, we were so close. I felt his entire body against mine, and all I really wanted to do, was to kiss him. But I couldn't do that. I didn't want my first kiss to be completely rejected, by the boy I really loved.
“Now, if you had kissed a boy before, I would kiss you. To proof to people that you were mine. But I don't think your first kiss should be of that reason,” he said, moving one hand to push a strain of hair behind my ear. I blushed and looked away from his eyes. If I kept looking, he would notice. He would see that I wanted him to kiss me. And then he would probably be scared. I couldn't let my self forget, that this was just an act. We weren't together. Yet.
“Let's go to the gate,” I said, moving my arms from his neck. Even though it felt like it was the most natural thing, to hug him like that, I had to get a bit away. I wanted to kiss him too badly. It was too much to me. He nodded and placed a kiss on my forehead.
His lips felt warm and soft on my skin. God, how I wanted to feel those lips against mine. Not just against my forehead.
I got out of his arms, and started walking towards the gate, him following behind me. Maybe I was walking a bit fast. But Damon had long legs, and had absolutely no problem following me. We were silent, when we reached the gate. Matt and Caroline were already there, holding hands and sharing spit. And somehow I wished that was me. Not with Matt, but with Damon.
Matt and Caroline's relationship wasn't healthy at all. As far as I understood, they weren't even exclusive. They were just fucking and snogging all the time. But at least they were together. I didn't want that kind of relationship with Damon. I had seen him in those relationships before. He had been with girls, lot's of girls. And he hadn't been exclusive with any of them. That was what he had told me.
And I didn't want to be another one of these girls. Just someone he could fuck whenever he wanted, and when he got bored, he fucked someone else. No, that wasn't something I wanted. I wanted him to feel the same as me. To care about me, to want to make me happy with him.
It was going to be a long time, before that was going to happen. But hopefully it would happen. That was the whole idea with this vacation. That was the whole idea with Caroline's plan. Why did I even agree to all of this?
“Now boarding passengers to flight 4590, California.”
The woman's voice on the speakers were annoying. Completely monotone and somehow still flirty. How did she do that?
We gathered our things, and found our boarding passes, as we started standing in line. Damon was right behind me, holding his one hand on my hip. The feeling was unfamiliar, yet comfortable. It felt nice. I felt protected.
The woman looked at my ticket with absolutely no feeling and let me pass on. Then she smiled at Damon, as she took his ticket.
“Hello handsome. Going to California?” she asked, a flirtatious smile on her lips. He smiled back at her, the same kind of smile on his lips.
“Well, yes, I am,” he answered, getting his ticket back. I rolled my eyes at them, feeling a bit hurt that he would flirt with her.
“I'm going with my girlfriend, as a matter of fact,” he said and then walked over to me, kissing my cheek, “let's board, sweetheart.”
My heart fluttered at his words. The second kiss he had placed on my face. I had to remember, this was just an act. He didn't care for me in that way, he never would. And I had to remember that. I couldn't let my self forget the real reason why we were going. I was going to have him. We were going to be together.
The act was going to be a reality. That was what Caroline had promised, and she usually got what she wanted.
“You're with someone like her? Somehow I find that hard to believe,” the flight lady said, just as we were about to board the flight. Damon turned around, bringing me with him. His hand were still resting on my hip, and I had no way of escaping his embrace. I really didn't want to hear what awful things she was going to say.
“And why don't you believe that?” he asked, pulling me closer to his body. He was making it perfectly clear that I wasn't leaving his side. Fuck. Maybe my first kiss would happen today.
“Well, first of all you deserve someone way better than her. I mean, look at her. Not sexy enough, at all. And second of all, I don't believe that act the two of you have going. You're not together. You didn't even kiss her. So, why don't you just give up this act, and come with me to the toilet on the plane? You know you want to.”
The rest of the passengers had already showed their tickets, and were standing in line to get on the plane. As always, they had to wait for everyone to find their seats.
“First of all, bitch, she is perfect. Don't you dare say that she isn't good enough, 'cause she is. She is mine, and she's more than I deserve. Way more. Second of all, I don't know why you would think this was an act. Because it isn't. I love this girl, more than I have ever loved anyone else before. So no, I'm not going to the toilet with you. I'm not the type to fuck sluts. Now, I suggest you do your job properly, instead of flirting with costumers, that clearly are in a relationship.”
Damon was furious. I had never seen him like that before. All of his body was tensed up, and his grip on my waist was getting tighter and tighter. He always got angry when people said bad stuff about me, but I had never seen him like this. He looked like he wanted to kill her. I leaned into him, letting him protect me.
The lady opened her mouth to say more, but Damon didn't want to hear it. He started walking towards the plane, dragging me along. I couldn't help but smile a bit. He'd protected me, and he had actually sounded like he meant it.
“You do not listen to what she said, Lena. You are good enough,” he said, as we went to the plane. Most of the passengers were already on board. We quickly found our seats and Damon put our bags in the overhead lockers. I wasn't really tall enough to do it. Then we sat down and got comfortable, listening to the security. I had made sure I had my diary, pen and headphones with me. It wasn't a long way to California, but I felt like I needed to get a lot of things out.
“I don't know, Damon. Maybe she was right. There has to be a reason why I'm still... You know. Innocent,” I said and shrugged, not looking at him.
“No! Why do you believe people like that? She obviously just wanted to hurt you and to make you feel like shit. There wasn't any truth to her statement. Maybe except for the part of us dating, but that doesn't matter. Don't believe her. I meant what I said. You're perfect,” he said, forcing me to look at him. I blushed and tried to look away, but his fingers were firmly holding my chin in place. How could he say something like that?
“Damon... You know how I feel. And I'm missing my hoodies. I'm missing being able to hide away from girls like her. If I hadn't been dressed like this, there had been no reason for you to pretend that we were dating. You would've been flirting with her, and as soon as this plane leaves the ground, you would be with her in the bathroom, having sex. Maybe this was just all a mistake,” I said and hugged his jacket closer, trying to hide my body. It was way too big, and almost felt like my hoodies. The only thing missing, was the hood. I had to live without that.
“How can you say that? Elena, you look amazing. This isn't a mistake. And I wouldn't have been on the toilet with that girl. We're going on vacation. I don't want to start fucking people when we're together. I didn't mind pretending we were dating. Not at all. I would gladly do it again. You do not believe her, Lena. Just forget what she said,” he said, gently brushing my cheek with his thumb. I blushed and was finally able to break away from his gaze.
I felt the familiar feeling of the plane leaving the ground, and started feeling safe. Damon was with me, and we were going on vacation together. And maybe our relationship would take flight. That was the plan. I couldn't let my self get down because of this.
“Okay... Thanks...” I said, opening my journal. I knew he would leave me alone, when I opened it. My journal was completely private, and he respected that.
Here I am, on my way to California with Damon. Yes, Damon. We're going on vacation together again, but this time will be different. Caroline is here with us, and so is Matt. This was actually Caroline's idea. At my 20th birthday, she made me promise that I would do something about the whole Damon thing. Somehow I promised her that she was going to help. That's why I'm sitting in the plane, only wearing some sort of red tanktop and a part of very revealing shorts. Yes, I went through a make-over. All for the sake of getting Damon.
Anyways, she made sure that Damon and I will be sleeping in the same room, when she invited Matt. No way Matt and Damon was sharing a room. They can't really stand each other. No, it's clear that this would be the best way of sharing the two rooms. As far as I'm concerned, there isn't even two separate beds. We're going to share a bed, and I'm a bit scared. I'm actually going to do something, and try to get together with him. Caroline has taught me a lot of things about flirting and stuff, and I'm going to try them off this vacation.
I think it's going well. When we walked through the airport, men kept staring at me. That's why Damon pretended to be my boyfriend. I'm still wearing his jacket, actually. He held me, and kissed my cheek and forehead. I hope he'll someday kiss my lips. But I didn't want my first kiss to be pretend. I want it to be real. And I want it to be with Damon. Somehow he also seem different. He's been way more flirty, and even though he had the chance to sleep with the stewardess, he didn't. He kept our pretend relationship, and told the girl off. It was amazing.
We made a bet. If he can keep a journal throughout the entire holiday, I have to kiss him. If he don't, he has to kiss me. So, either way, I'm going to get my first kiss this vacation. I can't believe it's actually going to happen. It was his idea to make a kiss the terms. And to be honest, I don't have a clue why I agreed. But I did.
I wonder what mom would say, if she could see me now. She has always been fond of Damon. Our parents always spoke of us being married when we got older. But I'm not sure she would've liked it, if she knew what he was actually like. Mom never saw the girls he brought home.
I wish she was here. I miss her so much. She would know exactly what to do, with this whole Damon thing. She would listen to me talk about him, let me get everything out, and then she would be able to help me. She would make sure that even if he hurt me, I would be okay.
But she isn't here. Caroline is, and she's going to help me. She just isn't mom. She'll never be able to talk with the same experience mom had. And she'll never understand me, the way mom did. The only person that understands me, just as she did, is Damon. And I can't talk to him about all of this. Imagine me telling him that I was hopelessly devoted (I watched Grease yesterday, sorry) to him, and that I had no idea what to do about it. He would run like hell.
Because that's what Damon does. As soon as one of his girls has started talking about feeling with him, he ran from them. And I don't want to loose him. But I have to take this chance. Caroline told me to either do something about it or to move on. And I chose to do something.
That's why I'm wearing make-up, wearing these clothes and I'm not wearing any kind of hoodie. I'm only wearing Damon's jacket, as a protection against all the looks. It smells like him. Even though he's sitting right next to me, I like being able to smell him so close to me. I wish I could do that more often. I really do. Well, maybe that's going to happen.
I don't know, Diary. But I will find out. Wish me luck.