“Blair…” Asher sighs when our lips are separated for a second. I ignore him and press my lips to his again, almost sighing myself when our hips gravitate together. He tries again, “Blair”. I can’t stop. I need this, so badly. When we kiss, when we touch, I can forget it. Forget all of the thoughts that run through my mind. I can even forget the dreams that make me scream myself awake in the middle of the night. My fingers are just running along Asher’s zipper when I feel him push me away.
“What is it?” I ask, confused. Asher looks at me with slight frustration.
“Blair, when I say stop, I mean it.” He huffs. I stare at him, gobsmacked. He certainly hadn’t wanted to stop other times when it had suited him.
“But I thought you…”
“No,” he cuts me off, “I don’t. Not right now.” Not right now? What does that even mean? I can’t even begin to think of the countless times Flynn has taunted me over…that. I immediately feel disgusted in myself, cheap. I feel like the rich popular girl that has to push herself onto her boyfriend. But why should I be feeling like this? I shouldn’t be, but Asher somehow managed it. He must recognise my pissed of face because he suddenly kisses me and says the sweetest thing I think he’s ever said in the four years we’ve been dating.
“I want our first time to be special Blair, not some after school quickie. You’re worth it” I can’t believe he’s just said this, but it’s one of the many reasons I’ve kept my claws in him this long. He’s my distraction, and he’s perfect. The most popular girl in school dating the most popular guy in school, I always get what I want.
“You’re right. How did a girl like me get a guy like you?” I ask him. He smiles broadly and leans down to kiss me.
“Very easily” he mutters. Our lips are inches apart when I hear the familiar sound of high heels on wood.
“Blair! Are you home yet?” I can just make out my mothers muffled voice through the rich walls of our massive apartment. I shove Asher aside and run my fingers through my brown locks as I walk down the hallway.
“Mother” I smile. She’s already settling into the kitchen as if she was never gone, champagne bottle open in one hand and a flute glass in the other.
“Hello dear, how…oh. Hello Asher, I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be home other than Blair” she says, rather surprised. I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be home either. I guess when your boyfriend asks if you need a ride home from school and then asks to come up for a ‘study session’ you can hardly say no.
“Ms Pemberly, sorry to surprise you. Blair and I were just finishing off an assignment last minute. I’ll just grab my coat” Asher’s a natural liar, and gets away with almost everything. Which is why it’s not surprising when my mother smiles broadly in response.
“No no, I was just about to ask where Blair wanted to go out for dinner. You’re welcome to join us Asher” She always does this, leaves with barely any notice for some important corporate meeting and then returns, acting as if nothing happened. As if she was here all along. Apparently speaking to the rulers of different countries in a room with glass walls and fancy furniture is more important than spending time with her daughters. Or should I say daughter. When she’s spending time with anybody at home, it’s golden child Lorrie. Since she’s the one with the aspiration to follow in my mothers footsteps, why would anybody pay attention to the daughter that has no idea what she’s doing.
“Oh no, I actually have a dinner with my father, we’re discussing the research of his from today” Another reason my mother adores Asher. He plans on being someone important, which is more than I could ever aspire to be, according to my mother. If I ever did want to be the centre of my mothers attention, I’d have to blow anything Lorrie does out of the window. I could be lying on the floor dying and if Lorrie came in saying she got some promotion, I’d definitely be left for dead. They’d probably go out for dinner.
“Well bring him along. We’re meeting up with Lorrie. She’s finally got enough time in her schedule to come out for dinner with us.” My mother beams.
“Wait what? Wasn’t it just going to be the both of us mother?” I asked. This is the first time I’ve been able to get my mother to dine with just me. I wanted to talk to her about those dreams I’ve been having, and the feelings. Surely they’re not just some random things, there has to be a reason for them.
“Next time Blair. So Asher, what do you say?”
Asher gives me as much of an innocent look he can manage to muster across the table and then turns his attention back to Lorrie who’s speaking about something important, as always. I shift slightly in my dress and try not to shove a piece of foie gras in my sisters mouth. We’ve been at this restaurant for almost an hour and it’s been spent with all eyes on Lorrie. The only time I’ve spoken was to ask for the caviar sushi. I run my leg up Asher’s and he snaps his attention away from Lorrie to shake his head at me and then he’s back, captured by her brilliant stories. Seeing Lorrie at the head of the table with her perfectly styled blonde locks and serious face is just a cherry on top of the jealousy. I wasn’t always jealous of her, there were times when she was quick to smile and laugh with me. When she actually paid attention to me, complimented me whenever I did well in something. There were times when I was in awe of her too. I wanted to be like her. Then she got older and I guess she got sick of me, instead of complimenting me when I did well, she tried harder to beat me. Eventually she did. It was my father that paid attention to me after that, until he left.
“…there’s too many people” I hear when I tune back into Lorrie’s discussion with the rest of the table.
“There’s too many people at your work?” I ask. When Lorrie sighs inwardly and looks at me with her cold blue eyes, I realise I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
“No Blair. There are too many people in the world. If you ever paid attention, you might not have to ask so many stupid questions” I raise an eyebrow and realise soon after that the next thing I say is just as stupid.
“There can’t be too many people in the world. It’s the world” I can almost taste the hate she has for me right now. She hates it when people interrupt her, especially me. Everyone sits silently, I feel as if I’m at school and I’ve just started an argument in a classroom. Only my mother’s here and you’d think that Asher or Mr Swanston would speak up.
“Blair, the world’s only so big. Obviously at some point the human population is going to overpopulate. Especially with Mr Swanston’s continuous findings, I have never felt purer since my visit to your new infirmary. In fact, how is your research?” Lorrie asks, somehow managing to direct everyone’s attention away from me. As always. She can’t stand seeing her other sister have anyone’s attention, even Nate. Not that she has to worry about him. Asher's like a hooked fish when it comes to her. But honestly, overpopulated? Is Lorrie really talking about the world as if she can control the population of people? It sounds like she’s pretty certain she can. She’s powerful when she wants to be, but she can hardly turn the whole world into China. I can imagine it though, Lorrie knocking on doors and telling parents they’re to get rid of all their children but one, and they can’t have more. Ever. Eventually, I’m sure that we would have to make more people. The population would be sure to die down, and then, children everywhere. When Lorrie finally tells the table she’s leaving, my mother fusses around her for a few minutes and Asher suddenly seems to remember I’m there. And the words that come out of his mouth are the complete opposite of the romantic words he said earlier today.
“Your sister…she’s amazing”