June 14, 2013
Today would've been Kay and I's sixth bestfriend anniversery. Lately I have been in the studio recording new music. These are probably the most honest songs I've ever written. This is going to explain how I've been feeling lately. Why I act the way I do. Why I have been trouble. It explains my side of the story. It says who I really am. I'm letting my beliebers into my world. I'm showing everybody how vulnerable I really am.
I miss her.I seem to never be able to get her off my mind. I want her. I want her in my arms while she's sleeping protecting her. I want to hold her when she first wakes up and before she goes to sleep. I want to hold her while she's sad and needs somebody to comfort her. I want to feel her kisses. I don't want anybody else to feel her lips anywhere on them. I want to kiss her. I don't want anybody but her. I want to feel her touch. The special touch that sends jolts of electricity through my body.
Kayla and I have talked once a day everyday but not for long. Maybe a ten minutes at the most. We used to be able to talk for hours and never get bored of one another. We haven't seen each other expect for pictures on the internet. We haven't facetimed or skyped but maybe soon.
As soon as the statement got done ringing through my head my laptop rang signaling somebody was calling me through skype. Speaking if ghe devil it was Kayla.... even though she's an angel. I clicked answer and her beautiful face popped up. It looked like she was in our house in the bed that we slept in together underneath the covers laying on the pillows.
J- Justin K- Kayla
J: Hey Kay
K: Hey Jus... I miss you
J: I've missed you too
K: I just called to see you... I mean I've seen pictures of you but I like seeing the Justin behind the scenes... it's more real
J: I understand and by the way you look beautiful
K: Thank you
J: Do you know what today is or was
K: Today IS our sixth bestfriend anniverserary
J: Sorry I couldn't of been there
K: Me too
J: So what have you been up to lately?
K: Not much... just dance and recording some stuff... you?
J: Still on tour but I've been in and out of the studio lately writing and recording new music
K: Am I going to be able to hear it soon?
J: Depends am I going to hear yours?
K: Very soon
J: Then sure
K: How is everyone there?
J: Good... How's Mom-Mom doing?
K: She's great actually... just chilling around the house
J: How's dance?
K: Hard but I've been training a lot more than usual.... Nationals is next week... I'm a little scared for it
J: Is that an invite to come?
K: It's whatever you want it to be Jay
J: I'm proud of you; you know that? I know that you've been through a lot and what I did didn't make it any better but your still so strong
K: Thank you
J: I have to go but I'll talk to you soon
K: Okay bye love you
J: Love you too
~~~~~~ End of Conversation ~~~~~~
I unlocked my phone and went on twitter scrolling through my timeline. I saw that a lot of people were sending me links to something on iTunes. Then I saw a tweet that shocked me.
"@kaylawintersupdates: KAYLA DROPPED A SURPRISE NEW ALBUM 'RED' ITS AMAZING"
"@kaylawintersupdates: GO BUY RED BY KAYLA"
"@kaylawintersupdates: KAYLA SUDDENLY DROPPED AN ALBUM WITH NO PROMOTION!! #NEWMUSIC"
"@kaylawintersupdates: ITS AN AMAZING ALBUM!!! #kaylasdreamers"
I clicked on the link and bought her new album. It was free, I don't know why she did that but she always says that it's not about the money. I sat in my room for a hour and a half listening to this album. Every song was so sad. I knew that these were about me and the relationship we had. All of the songs were beautiful. You could tell they were written from the heart. The ones that really struck a nerve in me were Teardrops on My Guitar, Last Kiss and Resentment.
I didn't know I hurt her that bad neither did I want too. I walked out into the kitchen area and everybody looked at me.
"Have you heard it?" Mom asked.
"Yes, I didn't know I did that much damage to her... I didn't mean too" I whimpered feeling tears rise in my eyes.
"It's okay Justin... it's a part of life" Fredo comforted.
"The album was amazing though. I've never heard so much emotion from her ever" I stated.
"I know.... we're all really proud of her. Have you talked to her yet?" Nick questioned.
"Yeah, this morning she called me on skype and we talked for a few minutes" I answered.
"Well get ready for the show tonight" Scooter said then walked off the bus heading into the arena.
I took a shower putting on some sweatpants and a white tanktop then sprayed on cologne. I walked into the arena ready for soundcheck.
Right now I'm backstage at Ellen getting ready to go on. I'm dressed in white shorts, a black tank top and a red,black, and white plaid shirt over top. I slid on my red vans with black laces and walked to the side of the stage.
"Please welcome the beautiful Miss Kayla Winters" Ellen announced.
I walked out onto the stage then waved at everybody giving Ellen a hug then sat down in the red chair.
I had just got off stage and back to the tours bus when my phone kept buzzing from notifications from Twitter. My beliebers had kept telling me to watch Kayla's interview with Ellen that she did today. I opened my laptop then got on youtube searching 'Kayla Winters on Ellen 2014'. I clicked on the first video and watched.
(E: Ellen K: Kayla)
E: So how are you?
K: Good how about yourself?
E: Good but first lets talk about your new album that has just dropped today
E: You didn't promote it, didn't give any hints about it, we knew you've been in the studio lately, how come you never said anything about it?
K: I don't know.... I just wanted it to be a surprise I guess
E: Well it certainly was.... I was listening to the album before the show and it was absolutely amazing... I was speechless
K: Thank you
E: So you've been burning up the dance floor lately
E: Your such an amazing performer.... so I heard Nationals is coming up.... am I allowed to come
K: I mean if you want too of course
E: Who else from your team is going?
K: Scooter, Pattie, Fredo, Nick, Alison, Justin, Carin, Aubree, Maya, Alec, and Brooke
E: Justin? Can we talk about him?
She looked back to where Carin was standing and she nodded her head
E: Are you guys still dating?
She looked down and fiddled with her thumbs
E: Is the album about him and the relationship ya'll had?
K: I guess so... some are about him but some of them are what others could relate too.
E: Can you name some that are about him?
K: Red, Better Than Revenge, Should've Said No, Last Kiss, and uh Resentment
E: I like all of them but Better Than Revenge because it makes you seem all bad-ass but Resentment is my definite favorite
K: Mine's Last Kiss
E: Have you guys talked?
K: Yeah we actually skyped this morning before I came here
E: Really? Is he doing good?
E: Are you guys planning on getting back together?
K: I don't know... maybe... we haven't talked about that
E: Well lately you've been hanging out with Jaden Smith.... what do you have to say about that?
K: We are just friends I promise on my grave
E: Well then who do you want? I'll get him for you. You don't even have to tell me now you can tell me backstage
She squealed in shock.
E: What I'm just trying to help you out. Girl power!
K: I'm not looking for a relationship right now
E: Do you know that a lot of boys sre intimidated by you
K: That's a lot nicer than saying there not interested in me
E: Oh trust me honey... they want you... and not just for relationship
K: Ewww Ellen staahhpp! that is so nasty. I'm too young for that stuff
E: So you have an announcement for us?
K: I will be releasing another album this August and I will be having a concert at the Revel in Atlantic City, New Jersey for my album Red
E: That's amazing!! Why another album so fast?
K: Well this album is very mature for me and younger kids so I'm writing one just for them
E: Ahh...Well that's all the time we have. Thank you for being here today.
K: Thanks for having me
E/K: Bye Guys
They both got up and went through the crowd dancing to the music and audience. Kayla was giving out signatures and taking pictures.
~~~~~~~~ End of Video ~~~~~~~~
I opened up Twitter and clicked new tweet.
"@justinbieber: Yes Jayla is not together but we're still best friends #alwaysforeachother"
"@justinbieber: Hope you guys aren't too disappointed #dreamerslovebeliebers"
"@justinbieber: Instagram page will still be there but we're just not together
I searched Jayla and pictures of us that we posted on instagram or twitter or that paparazzi took were all over and everybody was saying that they don't understand why we aren't together and that they thought we were perfect.
Honestly I know I'm not perfect but when we were together I felt as if I were. Our relationship wasn't perfect but we knew that. I have many flaws but when I'm with him/her they all go away. If I'm sad I don't have to fake a smile. I can be myself around her/him. I don't have to put on a mask. I'm at my happiest when were together. I miss my smile. It's been gone for a long time and I know it's not coming back for a long time.