Opening the doors to the hallway to my homeroom and head towards my locker. Over the holiday I left all of my books here so I had an excuse to not study or do anything productive. You are probably saying to yourself, you complain about wasting life and wanting to go but you don't want to make any point of the life you have?
Well I am here to tell you that it is my life to live and I will live it the way I want. If I feel this way about wanting to go away why try hard in school. Why would I try when I am just going to leave all of this behind anyway? I am thinking logically while you are thinking impulsively. There is a difference.
My locker door isn't covered in this year’s hunk or my crush or even my friends because when I am gone someone is going to empty my locker, most likely my mum or my friends and they will cry because they can see their selves on my locker door, some place where certain people keep pictures of close ones plastered cheaply to the door. I don't want any tears but I know there will be.
My locker door has a mirror and a pocket which I attached to the door. Yes I just said I have nothing sentimental on my door. But I do have something in it. Am I going to tell you? No. Not just yet, I don't trust you enough for that step yet.
I grab my books for the day and slide them into my bag. When I close my locker door I am met with the close up face of Susana, one of my friends. She is happily smiling so I happily smile back at her. None of my friends know my plans and I don't think I ever want to tell them. They do not know what I am feeling inside and that is how I want it to be. They would tell my mother and everyone would prevent me from completing my wishes.
That is not the way I want this to go.
"Morning Susana." I say as I make sure my locker is locked and start walking towards homeroom. It seems they have decorated over the holiday as there are new posters advertising prom and exams and some of them are just of our student body president that haven't been taken down since she was elected.
The walls are now a more pristine white and so are the floors. There is a horrible smell of bleach from all of the cleaning they would have done over the holidays. I notice the janitor stood outside his closet and approach him. I sometimes have conversations with the janitor because he is a cool guy. He works here for extra money in the day and works nights at a jazz bar cleaning tables and sometimes performing. I've been before.
"Dee!" Finn smiles and hugs me, messing with my hair as I pull away. I suppose I see him as an older brother. But Finn and I have a pretty good relationship and I enjoy talking to him. We have a few of the same interests and hang out at the weekends when I escape the grasp of my mother’s clutch. "How are you sunshine?"
"You know I resent that nickname." I smile as I say the words and hit is arm playfully. He puts a few things in his cart and then looks back up to me. The bell rings. "Right, I'm going to go but text me later?" Finn nods and Susana drags me into homeroom.
I slide into my seat and stare out of the window. Susana is deep in conversation with Marlene, my other friend, while I day dream. Only when the teacher coughs do I turn to see what is going on. Mr. Mathers is my homeroom teacher and English Literature teacher as well. He is alright and he says he understands what I am going through because his wife died from pneumonia.
I suppose he knows how I feel but from the outside. I suppose she would have told him how much it hurt. I class Mr. Mathers as my counsellor as well because I don't go to the school's one because she just whines at me and acts like she gives a crap. She doesn't understand what I am going through and Mr. Mathers understands a lot more than she does.
Mr. Mathers reads out the school announcements about prom tickets, exams coming up and the dinner menu. We all listen closely to the menu only to find it is full of cabbage. Disappointed noises erupt around the room and Mr. Mathers just laughs at us.
I cough a few times and they are strong coughs Mr. Mathers makes eye contact things go quiet and I see eyes trace across the room to me. Susana taps me on the shoulder and I turn. She asks me if I am alright and I just nod. Everyone freaks when I make a small cough sound and just because of this stupid condition. I hate having people coo over my every moment.
The door opens and eyes are taken from me towards the noise of an opening door. We all expect the principal or another teacher but we are greeted with a good looking guy. My eyes almost pop out of my head at the hot guy. He wears a flannel shirt that has the buttons almost popping. His jeans are skinny which makes me swoon. I want him to turn around so I check his ass. His hair is brown and styled up and to the side. Everything about him is amazing and perfect.
He adjusts his back on his shoulder and approaches the teacher. Everything is silent and he is probably shaking helplessly because all eyes are on him and his now revealed arse. Susana winks at me and I giggle silently.
"I'm new here." I hear him say in a lovely masculine voice. It is an American accent so he hasn't moved far but why move this late? Mr. Mathers nods towards me and I freak but then realize that he is nodding towards the seat next to me. I gulp a little and then irritate my throat, freaking out I cough a little but that isn't enough.
I erupt into a fit of coughs. Marlene and Susana are up on their feet Mr. Mathers is making his way towards us. All eyes are back on me. My stomach hurts with both embarrassment and a stabbing pain I get when I cough. When I pull my tissue away from my mouth I see red speckles of blood and my heart drops. "Let's get you to the nurse." Mr. Mathers says in a concerned voice. I nod and Susana and Marlene each help me get up and out of the room easily.
Not only am I ill again but I just made a fool of myself in front of a really cute guy that knows nothing about me. I couldn't have made a friend who didn't know this about me but look what just happened...why does this have to happen to me?