sentiment.

❝I wanted to die, I truly did. But now that I've found you...I don't.❞ ~ ~ ~ Seventeen-year-old Dee Williams is sick and she could die at any moment. With the knowledge Dee sets out to do everything she wants to do before she gives up; but what happens when she meets Dean Howard who wants to join Dee on her journey?

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2. one.

one.

 

My eyes blink rapidly as I try to open them but the sun that is blaring through my curtains makes my eyes cower. I cough a few times to clear my throat and once my eyes decide they want to wake up I scooch back and sit up staring out of my large window. I dreamed once that I would ace all my classes, go to university and get a great job with lots of money and then I could buy a penthouse in a major city, the one with the best view.

I wished a lot of things could happen and now that I think about it half of them I would have never been able to do anyway but the other half I would have been able to do if I didn't have pneumonia. There are some perks to being constantly sick but none that will help me get through my life. I get out of class a lot but that doesn't help me get a job and earn money. Barely anyone will hire me because of all the sick days I would have to take off.

Mum knocks on my door as I check the time, 10 a.m. "Morning sweetheart." Mum says cheerfully. I love how mum is always cheerful because it cheers me up and I suppose that is why she does it, to cheer me up. But even if she didn't do it for that reason I still like it, it makes me feel happy and that is all I want.

I swing my legs over the side of my bed. Something tickles my throat and I begin to cough, and hard. Mum rushes over and makes sure I am in an alright position to cough and not gag. Once it is over I smile up at mum and thank him for helping me. "Are you sure you want to go to school today?" This is a question that mum asks every day before school and my answer is mostly yes because I like going out of the house.

"Yes. I will be ready in half an hour and see you downstairs." Mum nods and she leaves without another word. She knows when I dismiss her I really mean it; I don't want her to stay and fuss over what I will wear and then help me into it. I can do it myself and sometimes she forgets that and turns very protective.

I stand from the bed and cross my carpet with a slight limp; I must have been sleeping funny on my foot. It is hard to get in a comfortable position to sleep so when I find a moderately comfortable position I am fast on.

My wardrobe is filled with clothes, when I was diagnosed we moved to a house closer to the hospital and with that I got a bigger room and a walk in wardrobe. Mum took me out a few weeks after being discharged from hospital and let me buy whatever I wanted. She said it was a new house thing but I really knew that it was a pity bargain for me.

I choose a blue skater dress that has a lace type pattern printed on it and then scout around for something to put over it. Eventually I find a grey bobble kimono type cardigan that is loose fitted on me. I throw both items onto my bed and grab a pair of skin coloured tights from my draw. I throw the clothes on.

Walking back into the wardrobe I find my penny loafers from New Look and grab my black Aztec backpack. I practically skip out of the wardrobe as I make my way out of my room and down stairs.

Mum sits on the sofa watching the news peacefully. She never gets to have a moment to herself and I wish I could just sneak back upstairs and give her ten more minutes of blissful peace but before I can turn she has noticed I am here and need breakfast. Mum rushes around and makes me boiled eggs and a strawberry smoothie. My favourite meal as a kid was boiled egg and soldiers but I can't have the toasted soldiers due to risk of choking.

Once I have finished eating mum washes up while I grab my bag and then step outside into the fresh air. I hear bird chirping and I want to hit something. The sound of life make me sick, birds have a better life than me. Sometimes I just hate going outside just because of that little fact. 

I sit in the car and drop my bag to the floor heavily. The car smell fresh like mum just cleaned it which she probably just has because when she isn't looking after me she is cleaning and being busy or worrying about dad. 

The whole of the car journey I just stare out of the window. I stare out at the trees and the green fields that go on for miles. Our house is surrounded by country and that really helps me. I like the quiet and the scenic side of life. I am attached to my camera and I want to do photography as a career.

If it is possible. 

I love the way the colours combine in a sunrise. Or how the clouds fade. Or how tree have loads of branches all branching off of each other going on and on. Everything is infinite, everything but me. 

Mum pulls into the school's car park and slides into a spot near the school. "Have you got everything?" She says while turning the car engine off. "Tablets, tissues, phone book, school book, lunch money?" I nod as I watch people walk around the front of the school heading to rooms or just meeting people at trees or posts. 

Being the first day back at school after Easter people would be hyped and excited for a new term. This will be my last full term of school; Summer term will be my last in more than one way. If my plan goes correctly it will only take a term or maybe less to complete all I want to do and it is my senior year anyway. I turn eighteen soon and then my list will be complete on my eighteenth birthday. 

Then I can finally be in peace. 

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