I gently place Alice in her container ,shove Jace's phone into the waist band of the panties underneath my gown ,than storm out of the room, every inch of me aching , and screaming for me to stop . I scan each hallway as I pass it looking for , him . I get to the elevator/ vending machine hallway and he stands at the door of the elevator looking down , face red and fists still clenched .
"What the hell is wrong with you !" I scream .
He turns facing me completely .
"You wanna know what's wrong with me !?"I stare at him giving him the look of yes I want to know .
"You ! That's what wrong , you say they aren't mine but they are , Alice Sanders and Andrew sanders , are my children and I will never do anything to hurt them because they are the only thing on this Earth that are mine , clearly you don't want me , but at least let me see and touch my children please ! " i cross my arms and look down , ashamed .
"Just say something Aubrey , please . " he begs . I look up a tear sliding down my cheek .
"Jace , I want you , I want you to be a father and to see your children but I just don't think , I really just , " my thoughts get mixed together , and I try to keep going but can't . I grip my stomach with my knees weakening .
"I'm going to my room , feel free to go home I'll get a ride from someone else . " I pull his phone from my waistband and throw it at him , than I turn on my heel and travel down the hallway to my white hospital room .
Dr. Williams was sitting with baby in arms Lilly no where to be found , I walk in arms around stomach .
"Where's .... Lilly ? " I ask looking around . He looks up at me smiling .
"Her mom came and got her . Don't worry she's in safe hands a nurse walked her down there . " I nod and walk over to my boring bed and sit down .
"Something wrong ms.bown ? " he ask to swaddling Andrew .
"No . " I mumble staring at the white tiled floor .
"How is Alice ? " he ask me with enthusiasm .
" she's very well nurse says most likely Tomorrow I can take her home . " I look up at him putting on a fake smile hoping he won't notice .
"That's very nice . " he gets up and walks over to me with baby in arms .
"Doctor may I ask that I have some time alone with Andrew ? " I ask him with another smile .
"Oh yes of course . Just click the button on the side of your bed if you need help . " he lays Andrew in my arms and darts out the room the door slamming behind him . Making Andrew flinch a bit but stay silent . I move so I am sitting with my back against the headboard and then all like that everything in set of me breaks . I'll pull my knees to the edge of Andrew ignoring the sharp pain in my stomach then tears start to pour over the surface of my eyes .
"Why am I such an idiot ? " I say aloud with tears streaming down my face and on to Andrew . He moves a bit .
"I'm sorry I'm so sorry , I am a terrible mother and you were only born hours ago . " I cry more and then I see Andrews lip quiver and he begins to wail . I pull him close to me and bounce the over part of my body as both of us cry.
"I'm so stupid ! So fucking stupid how could I trust him . Your father ,baby he is a cheater a dirty cheater . " I cry louder ,and pull him closer as he wails Louder .
"Shit !" I scream . Andrew wails and makes a coughing noise, but I ignore it .
"Fuck my life ! Fuck it ! Everyone ,I don't care anymore !? " I shout at the emptiness then I see the door swing open and there stands Jace wide eyed . He slowly creeps in the door, shutting it ,as I try to stop my crying and care to Andrew . I look down as Jace comes closer still looking at me as if I grew wings .
"Aubrey ? " he questions from what sounds as beside me .
"I'm fine Jace ... Aren't you suppose to be home ? " I state my voice shaking .
"I wasn't going to leave you , or them ... " he places his hand on the still wailing Andrew and I jerk to move him from Jace , but he grabs my elbow tightly .
"Aubrey please let me see him . " he begs , I sniffle then finally give up and hand him over to the Jace that had now taken his place on the bed with me . I sniffle again place my hands to my face and lean my head back .
"I'm sorry . " Jace whispers from beside me. I take my hands away from my face and I see his blue eyes sparkling at me with lip slightly poked out .
I shake my head , " I'm sorry Jace , but how can I trust you after this is what I don't understand . " I look at him for a second still struggling to situate the still wailing Andrew .
"Aubrey , I want you , all of you , I want my kids , this started off as a mistake but i don't want it to end like that ! Okay , I want us to be a happy family . Forever Aubrey , please . " he gets close to me and I slowly close my eyes .
"I just don't know . " I say finally . I open my eyes again and look over to him , he looked hurt , in pain and at that moment I had to look away .
"Congrats little man your first shit diaper . " Jace says loudly , I quickly turn back to him thinking he just made a reference to this little outbreak but then I noticed he meant Andrew had a legit shitty diaper . I laugh a bit and Jace stands up walking to the container / bed every infant is in around this place , and sets him inside unraveling his blanket .
"Do you want to do it ? " he ask me . I slowly get up and walk over to the bin . I unbutton his little onesie and slowly undo the diaper almost puking at the smell .
"Ew that's fucking gross as hell ! " I shriek . Jace laughs then grabs some near by wipes and a new diaper . I grab a wipe and ew it was gross , Jace takes the wipe from my hand and finishes it off and replaces his onesie , then holds him up in the air to kiss his forehead .
"All better little ass kicker . " Jace laughs and puts him back in a cradled position .
" you look tired baby . " he states pushing my hair behind my ear I couldn't object ether of these things because I was tired so all I do is nod .
"Before you go to sleep I think he's gonna need to be fed . " he moves his arms up a little bit . I nod then grabbed the tired looking Andrew from his arms and walk back to my bed sitting in the same position as before and putting Andrew underneath my shirt as Jace sits down on the edge of the bed staring off into space .
After I fed him I pull him from underneath my shirt and hand him to Jace .
"Goodnight little man . " I say sweetly kissing Andrews little cheek .
"Goodnight beautiful . " Jace says kissing my forehead , I nod and lean back .
"I love you . " Jace whispers . I shake my head , this doesn't mean where good again . I think to my self as I drift to sleep .