4 month later
I'm going to do it. I can't live like this anymore. The thoughts of Carmen are killing me. I want to be with her again. I am with Annie yes, but Carmen still is the one for me. I thought I could move on. But I couldn't. I couldn't move on. I tried everything. I just want to be with her again.
Yes I love my fans and family and friends. But living like this, it's unbearable. Even if I go to hell I'm going to see my girl again. I can tell her how I feel and how much she means to me, how she will always be the one, the beautiful, smart and perfect girl. Every guy should be happy with her.
I stood at the edge of a huge building. I was in London I should do it properly. I was scared as hell, can't deny that. But love means a lot. And even death can't tear us apart.
I looked over the edge again. Could I do it, I knew I should, I knew I wanted to. But I wasn't sure f I got the guts for it.
I wanted to take the final step but a door behind me startled me and made me do not so. I heard a heavy panting.
"Don't." the female voice breathed again. "What ever you do it for. It's not worth it." the voice spoke and I was scared to turn around.
"You wouldn't understand. The one I love died, I'm going after her. You couldn't understand." I said and tears started to prick in my eyes. She still was a touchy subject.
"I have lost someone too, not on the way of dying. That boy mean everything to me. but I never saw him again. Really she doesn't want you to kill yourself. She could never forgive you, nor herself" the words startled me, and I took a step away from the edge.
"How would you know, she would understand."
"I see she is a caring person. She wouldn't want you to give up on everything. Not your friends not your family. it would even hurt her more when she knew it was her fault." I knew the words the girl spoke were true. Carmen was a caring person.
"I think you're right." I stepped away and turned around to thank the girl who saved my life. But as I looked in her crystal blue eyes, I knew what would have happened if I died. I wouldn't see her again because she was just here, here on earth.
"Niall?" Carmen asked confused. But before I knew it she hugged my tightly. "Niall!" she cried. And I was sobbing already.
"Carmen," I whispered into her hair which got slightly more blond. She whispered something back. But it was muffled but my shirt.
"I missed you." I said as I pulled back and kept her on arm distance. I looked at her and she gave me a confused look. Which I didn't understand.
"You're not dead? I'm imagining this aren't I." I looked at her not sure what to think.
"What are you talking about Niall, why should I be dead?" She asked with a laugh. And I was confused.
"T-the note you left, you said you were dead." I said in confusion, she interrupted in a hysterical laughter. Did I say something wrong? She laughed, but quickly stopped as she noticed I wasn't laughing with her.
"No, it didn't. I wrote that I left the house you silly. I already thought you were ignoring me." She looked sadly down. "Only because I told you I was in love with you. I'm sorry about that anyway. Can't keep things for myself, can I." She joked and I looked at her softly.
"I was in love with you too, I tried contacting you. I'm sorry I didn't." I looked at the ground, Carmen bumped my shoulder.
"We got over it didn't we. I have a friend who's a directioner. I've heard you have a new love haven't you." she winked and I rolled my eyes. 'Yes I do but I'm still madly in love with you' is what I really want to say.
"Yeah. You know Annie. I think fate wanted us to meet again. anyone for you in your love life?" I wanted her so badly to say no. But I already thought she would say no, she wasn't really the type for boyfriends.
"Actually. Yes, and you may know him. We were together in the past. But you weren't very fond of him." the first one to come in my mind Jordy. I mean. Who wouldn't.
"If I know a name I do? maybe." I said. Wait we haven't see each other in a year, and we're just talking like I wasn't about to kill myself.
"Jordy, he's so sweet. It was like fate wanted us to meet again. We hit off the moment I stepped into our apartment. Just like the old times." she smiled and I didn't like the way she smiled so in love.
"Our?" I asked. Anger boiling up inside me. He is taking her away from me again. Just like when we were younger. I really hate that.
"Yeah funny story. Need to tell you some time. But Niall. Why were you trying to kill yourself?" she asked, her voice filling with concern.
"I-I.." I knew I should lie about this one. I couldn't just tell her. 'It's unbearable to live without the love of my life, funnily you are her. And I am just dating Annie so I can lose the feelings I have for you.' yeah don't think so either.
"J-just the pressure of being famous. I don't think I would've actually jumped." I shrugged and Carmen smiled at me proudly. She flung her arms at me and hugged me. I smiled and rubbed her back. Carmen is back.
"So how's life going?" I asked her. We walked on the busy streets of London. I wanted to buy her some ice cream so me being me, needed to take her to the most amazing shop in the world. A.k.a re-calling memories.
"Just exciting I have a job, I'm living with my boyfriend." that one hurt. "and I'm studying, and I totally love life right now, I'm having less attacks and I think it's because of Jordy. Do you remember him?" she asked.
"Yeah, yeah. I remember him. I still don't like the lad you know." She rolled her eyes and hit me playfully. I stopped in front of the ice cream shop and Carmen could remember the place.
I opened the door for her and I was hit by the lovely smell of ice cream. She stepped in and I did the same, closing the door behind me.
We quickly ordered and sat in the back of the shop, me trying not to get much attention.
"So I think we should hang out sometime. Like a double date." she said and I actually didn't like the idea of it, yet I did. I wasn't ready for them kissing in front if me, but yet it was a date. I could imagine it was just the two of us.
"Yeah. We totally should. Friday evening. I know a nice club." I said. she smiled madly she took out her phone.
"I'll inform Jordy."