Come, Little Children
I'll take Thee away
Into a land of enchantment
Come, Little Children
The time's come to play
Here in my garden of shadows
Turning up the volume I started waltzing around my room delibaretely stepping on my freshly washed clothes (fresh and fresh, I think it has been about a week... gran washes my clothes and then lay it on my bed - neatly stacked. I guess I am supposed to put it in my closet but I never get it done, I just throw it on the floor before I go to bed. In the end my floor is packed with clean clothes that are not so clean anymore). Eric the Parrot had come home last night at 2.00 AM - I still have no idea where he goes when he goes - and had woken me with his loud screeching, while jumping all over my face (and he's no miniature bird... Eric the Parrot is a 25 inches big fat motherfucking bird and weighs correspondingly) demanding that I made him a toast with cheese and plum jam (I did in the end make him one but only after a lot of sighing and protest). He was now sitting on my head swinging back and forth according to the beat of the music. Eric is an "Ara macao" or a Green-winged Macaw - not the typical bird for a wizard but then again I'm only a squib how was I to know the difference. I'd had him as long as I remember. Some of you may think he must be old by now but he can live up to an average of 50 yrs + Eric has phoenix genes far back so he might end up becoming loads older than that.
"TURN OFF ZIS MUSIC, DUDE!!!" and did I mention... he can talk.
I pressed the red button on the speaker causing the music to stop. I scowled at Eric - I love music and he doesn't.
"What's your problem, Eric. Can't we just turn down the volume?" I asked with a hint of irritation.
"NO MUSIC" he screamed back at me.
"Woah, snitzel Eric. You don't have to scream like that, I am right here" I waved my hand in front of his eyes to make my position clear.
"I know that, stupid" he nipped at my forehead.
"What are you two so aggitated about?" gran's face showed in the open doorway her brows furrowed making her already wrinkled face even wrinklier (new word! - sounds cooler).
"Nothing" we answered simultaneously.
Gran shook her head and disappeared again.
"Okay, Eric. Get down. We need to plan" I said and Eric jumped down from my head and onto the messy desk.
"I thought we'd hit the Hamiltons over by the playground on Magnolia Road. Gran's told me that we shouldn't go too close to the Dursleys hence they see us" I pointed out the roads on the map hanging over my desk. I'd gotten it a few years back when Eric and I first began pranking the neighbourgs. Harry's been with us once or twice but he wasn't that psyched about the idea of getting caught.
"Zat zzounds just peachy. What're we gonna hit 'em with? Just the regurlars?"
"Yeah, big time" I smiled and began packing my tote.
Added to black totebag:
1 pack of toothpaste
3 large packs of vaseline
1 pack of Livesavers (candy)
1 pack of chicken boullion
A set of handyman tools
"Ready?" Eric asked once again perched on my head.
"Yeah. Let's get going"
Walking from our house to the Hamilton's didn't take long - even though I was walking slowly as to not be seen (Eric had flown, a girl with a gigant parrot on her head is pretty hard to miss). Once there I checked the driveway and garage = no car + no lights on = noone home. I then went to the back door hidden inside the garage away from prying eyes and took out my lock picking set. The door wasn't exactly Fort Knox so getting in was the easy part. I then hacked into their security system and replaced the outside videotapes for the last five minutes with a copy and sat it on repeat for the next hour - that should give me time enough. I put down the tote bag and went to work from room to room, Eric a hovering shadow beside me.
I spend a lot of time spying the neighbourgs and pranking them would make the spying a lot more fun. Last time I bombed the Hamilton's they blamed their kid Malcolm and he was grounded for a month. You might assume that spying on your neighbourgs in a place like Little Whinging would be boring and dull but it actually isn't.
Mr. Polkiss is cheating on his wife with the maid and his secretary, everyone but Mrs. Polkiss is aware of this. He also enjoy golfing and baseball. Mrs. Polkiss is - like almost every housewife in Little Whinging - a neurotic cleaner who only really care about her family looking perfect to the world. Their two kids Piers and Melony hate eachother and continuesly destroy eachothers belongings. Piers is also Dudley Dursley best friend and together with him, Malcolm Hamilton, Dennis Smith and Gordon Greggory Grey they bully everyone who comes in their path.
Julia Smith is suffering from bipolar depression ever since her husband left for work never to return and constantly take various drugs. The Hamilton's dirty secret is that Malcolm is actually adopted and I pride myself with being the only one except of course Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton who knows this. I am also highly suspicious of Harry Floyd - he might be a serial killer.
You see? Spying on your neighbourgs isn't all that bad. Especially when you're accompanied by a big talking parrot named Eric.