Going to write a looong chapter, cause I'm home and I love to write! :) I'll maybe even post two chapters today and then take a break, for a week maybe? :)
''Please, eat something.''aunt Sarah insisted, but I didn't even touch my fork.
''You won't have the energy to study if you don't eat,''She said, taking her plate to the sink.
I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to do anything, exepct die. I really had losed all the hope I once had. My wrists were freshly cut and suprisingly didn't hurt at all.
''I'm not hungry,''I said, standing up. I grabbed my bag.
''I'll take you to school,''Sarah talked, taking her keys that were placed on the white marmor table.
We went outside and I froze. It was him. He wasn't with his car, just standing a few meters away from me.
''I don't want to see him,''I whispered to Sarah, as I hurried to open the car door.
''Lisa, just hear me out,''I heard him say, but I closed the door and didn't want to even look at him. It hurt too much. I heard my aunt talk to him and finally sit into the driver's seat. As we started driving, I saw he walked away, his gaze locked in my eyes. I had to push myself not to cry.
As I drive towards the school, that just a few days ago made me actually happy cause I got to be with her in it. Now, it's just a dull building filled with more hell. Lisa looked broken, fuck it, she was. And just to know it's because of me, makes me even more angry with myself. If that's even possible. And, I swear to God, if I see Audrey at school, I'll fucking end her.
I just wanted to explain what really happened to Lisa, but she wouldn't let me. She had a well reason and honestly, I don't blame her. But I couldn't get a ounce of sleep today, it looked like she didn't either.
I park my car and lock it. I shove my hands into my pockets, that once used to hold her. I still love her, more than anything. I see that she gets out of her aunt's car and says something to her. She starts walking towards the school, her gaze on the concret she's walking on. I want to, so badly, go tell her the truth. But I don't want to make her cry, I've done it too much already.
''Hey man,''Nathan talks behind me and I'm really not in the chitty-chatty mood so I just walk, ignoring him. I don't care if I'm being an asshole. What's there to save, anyway.
But he catches up and doesn't leave me alone.
''What's up?''He asks, sensing something in my being.
''Nothing.''I simply reply, looking ahead.
''Have you been crying?''He asks again, probably seeing my red eyes and messy hair.
''Yeah, is it your buisness?''I snap at him.
''I was just asking,''he mumbles, seeing I'm not in a good mood. I shrug and move into the building, catching Lisa talking to Kelly, whilst taking some books out of her locker. She's wearing jeans and a top underneath her cream cardigan that flows over her shoulders. On her feet she has a pair of wine-colored converse, that match her top perfectly. Her hair is up in a beautiful bun, with strands of her hair falling to her cheeks. She looks extremly beautiful and I can't even think straight. I can't lose her.
Before I even have time to think, I walk over to them, my palms sweating uncontrollably. Kelly walks away, thankfully not even seeing me.
As I move to her, she doesn't see me at first, since she's still searching for books in her locker, that once held a photo of me and Lisa.
She turned around and froze, just like this morning.
''Please, Lisa. Let me tell you the truth.''I almost beg, looking into her dim blue eyes, that have lost their natural glow.
''I don't want to talk to you,''She speaks, the words coming out of her mouth cutting me like a knife.
''I know, but I need to tell you what really happened,''I don't give up and pray to God that she'll let me.
''Leave me alone, please.''She says, and moves, nearly brushing my shoulder, but I see that she fears to even touch me. It's then and there that I realize, winning her back wont be easy. But fuck it, I'm going to win her back. There's no way I'm letting her go. I'll make it up to her, I swear.
As I try to concentrate on what the teacher is saying, my mind just wont funcionate. I can't get him out of my mind, it's like he's a shadow following me everywhere. When I saw him today, his eyes all red and hair messy, I couldn't listen to him any longer. I was about to cry and I didn't want to. I didn't want to listen to him, either. I didn't even care.
To make things worse, he's in the same room as I right now. Sitting diagnolly from me and I just want to run away and never see him again. Though I know I couldn't do that. I loved him too fucking much for that. It's funny in just 5 months you can fall in love so deeply. I wish I hadn't.
The bell rings and jumps me out of my thoughts.
''Want to grab lunch with me, so you can tell me what happened?''Kelly asks, standing in front of her.
''Sure,''I reply, applying a huge fake smile on my face. Thankfully I leave before he does, so I don't have to face him again.
As we sit down, I see him sitting a few tables away from ours, all alone and not even touching his food. He just stares at it, not even moving.
''What happened?''Kelly asks, I didn't want to talk about it this morning.
I don't know if I can now. Even saying his name hurts.
I stay silent for a minute, and Kelly gestures for me to speak.
''Ryan and I broke up.''I almost whisper, eyeing my red manicured nails.
''What? Oh my god, I'm so sorry,''She says, squeezing my hand.
I remain silent, praying that she wouldn't ask what happened.
''Why?''She still asks, and I realize I have to tell her. Kelly gets what she wants.
''He, um..''I start, but stop, due to the lump in my throat.
Kelly takes a bite from her sandwhich and waits for me to go on.
''He made out with Audrey,''I finally say the words out loud.
Kelly nearly chokes on her food.
''What?''She says, placing her sandwhich on her tray.
''What an asshole,''she says, standing up. I'm confused.
''What are you doing?''I question her.
''Going to give the boy a piece of me,''She says and I quickly stand up.
''Kelly, don't!''I say, hurrying to her, but it's too late. She's in front of his table, and he looks up, immediatly into my eyes. I quickly gaze down.
''The fuck did you do, bastard?''Kelly almost yells, getting the whole's school's attention. Great, I'm screwed.
He remains silent, everyone is gathering around us.
''You made out with Audrey, huh? All of you fucking ass guys are so full of yourselves! Think that you can do anything and us girls have to come back crawling to you every time!''She speaks loudly, making me jump. She also earns cheers from the crowd around and behind us.
Ryan stands up.
''It's not what you think,''He talks to both me and Kelly.
''Oh come on, hold your fucking excuses! They're just pure bullshit anyway,''She curses and the crowd goes even more wild.
''I didn't even kiss her,''Ryan speaks, tension heard in his voice.
''Sure you didn't,''Kelly laughs and I wish she would stop.
''This isn't even your buisness, it's mine and Lisa's,''He talks, almost angrily and I can't help but shiver when my name escapes his lips.
''You hurt my fucking best friend and it's not my buisness? God, you have some nervs!''She doesn't stop, and I step in front of her.
''Enough.''I say strictly. Confusion lies on her face and I give her a look, saying that this has gone too wild.
She leaves the cafeteria, leaving me there with Ryan. Alone, with a bunch of strangers examining what we'll say next.
But nothing comes out of my mouth, only tears escape my eyes and I run out of there, storming into the girl's bathroom.
I cry there until, what seems, the end.
I deserved everything I got from Kelly and it suprised me when Lisa stepped in. That means she still cares and felt bad for me. And when she looked directly into my eyes, after Kelly had left, I had to take everything in me together and not hold her. But then, she ran off, tears escaping her gorgeus eyes.
I ran after her, but she closed the bathroom door too quickly for me even to say something. Nathan finally dragged me out of the hallway , after waiting for her to come out for an hour.
I open the front door, a huge house looking back at me.
After hours of endless thinking and destroying everything in my room, I finally calm down. I hear the front door open and close, and my parents make their way in. After a while, my mom calls me.
''Ryan! Come to eat dinner.''
I really don't want to face them this moment, all I want to do his hold her in my arms. But she isn't here. And it breaks me. I never break, even when I broke my hand a few years ago. I didn't cry, not one single tear escaped my eyes. She's effected me more than anyone else ever could.
''I know your up there! Come on!''My mom still calls, and I drag myself up off the floor. I slowly walk downstairs.
''I really don't know what to-''She starts, but stops when she sees me.
''What happened to you?''She gasps.
I don't respond, just stand there.
''Are you okay? What happened Ryan?''She questions again, moving closer to me.
''Not like you would care,''I mumble. Great. I'm an asshole to everyone.
''Why do you think that, sweetie?''My mom asks.
''Because it's true.''I admit, staring into her eyes.
''No, it's not. We love you,''She says.
''Then you wouldn't be busy entairtaing other people when you have your own son that you forget every day.''I talk, and she sighs.
''It's not like that. Tell me what happened,''She insists.
''Me and Lisa broke up.''I say, and she hugs me.
I love that girl so much, it hurts.
REALLY LONG CHAPTER WROTE THIS LIKE 2 HOURS OHMYGODD