The story of how Benjamin Zachary Cipher was born.


2. Part 2

     Girlie rushed out after Bill as a storm began to brew overhead.

     Weird. wasn't supposed to rain tonight. Why is it- Oh.

     "Bill, calm down," Girlie warned. She realized that the storm was the work of Bill.

     "Why should I?"

     A clap of thunder resounded through the hospital halls, answering his question. "That's why. If you don't calm down, the hospital will be as totaled as," Girlie stopped to count on her fingers, recalling Bill's wrecks, "your last six cars combined."

     "So you're saying I'm a lousy driver?" Bill scowled.

     "Your words. Not mine."

     Bill groaned in reply. "I am, aren't I? I'm a lousier husband though."

     "No, you're not."

     "I can't even help her." He gestured towards the hospital room where Prez lay.

     "You are not a lousy husband. You saved her from death," Girlie pointed out in protest.

     "And now she's suffering."

     "Bill. Stop. You are a great husband. And a great brother-in-law... most the time. And you will be a great father."

     "Father?" Bill scoffed at the idea. "How can I be a father? What do fathers even do?"

     "Don't ask me. I didn't have one," Girlie answered. She thought a second and corrected herself. "Well, I did at one point, probably, or else I wouldn't be here now, but no point in going into technicalities." The whole thing on her birth was somewhat fuzzy. She wasn't adopted, nor was one of her mothers that of a second marriage. Neither of them were artificially assimilated, and neither of them had an affair. Somehow, they were both naturally the mother, and Girlie accepted it, despite what Sex Ed. had taught her.

     "Girlie, I can't do this. I can't."

     Girlie then did the unthinkable. She grabbed Bill's hand and looked him in his eye. It looked like a cheesy romance movie, except the likes of a kiss were so low, they couldn't even be thought about.

     With her focus solely on him, Girlie said, "You are gonna be a great father. Wanna know why?"

     Bill almost pulled away, but he didn't. "Why?"

     "Because I believe in you."


     "Whole-heartedly. Also if anything happens to the baby, I will kill you in such a brutal way, it would make Steven Moffat cringe."

     Bill yanked his hand away and took a few steps back. Girlie had been joking (mostly), but her tone was grave, so it had sounded worse than her usual threats.

     Girlie's alarm on her watch rang, and Girlie, like nothing happened, cheerfully said, "Happy New Year," to Bill, who was still a bit freaked out by the teen's earlier warning.

     A nurse ran out of Prez's room and yelled, "The baby is coming!" Bill rushed in, pushing Girlie out of the way in his excitement. Girlie stumbled in after him and saw the baby, inching it's way out...

     "Ah! I think I'm gonna go blind!" Girlie covered her eyes. "That. Is. Disgusting."

     Between breathes, Prez growled, "Shut up. You are - ow! - the one who looked!"

     "I didn't know I'd see that! Ew! Is that where we all come from? Ew! Ew! Ew!"

     Bill elbowed Girlie in the gut, and she glared at him. As much as she understood how bad it was for her to be freaking out at it, she couldn't help it. The "miracle" of life didn't seem so miraculous to her anymore.


     In a matter of minutes, Girlie had a nephew christened Benjamin Zachary Cipher.

     Prez held him in her arms. "Look, Bill. He has your eyes."

     She was right, of course. One eye was yellow, but the other was a startling red that gave Girlie chills. Not that she really minded. She thought it looked cool.

     "Might need to get you an eye patch like me, little man," Bill told him.

     "Do you want to hold him?"

     "Me?" Girlie questioned. "I'm the klutz who dropped your nook. Seven times. In the past two weeks. I don't want to take Ben."

     "You won't drop him," Prez assured her. She handed her the newborn. "Hold him like that. There you go. Cradle the head!"

     "I'm doing it. Wow." Girlie was genuinely proud herself. Even with the accomplishments she had made, such as graduating high school at sixteen, and learning how to pronounce Raxacoricofallapatorius, she felt that not dropping her nephew was on the top of the list, no competition.

     "Oh, Bill. Look at what we brought into the world!"

     A thought crossed Girlie's mind, and being as she was, although it wasn't exactly clean, she voiced it with a sly smile. "You did bring him into the world, didn't you?"

     "That's what I just said."

     "Which means-"

     "Girlie, stop while you're ahead."

     "I'm just sayin'. I mean, y'all guys have done grown-up stuff."

     "Girlie!" Prez laughed. As much as she denied it, the fact she enjoyed her sister's innuendos and dirty remarks was quite obvious.

     "I'm sure she only means voting," Bill explained, offering Girlie a way out the topic, which she didn't take.

     "Riiiiight. 'Voting.' Bill Cipher for the win, right, Prez?"

     "I can't believe you just said that!" Prez's hand clenched her pillow, ready to toss at Girlie's head, but Prez changed her mind when she remembered the baby in Girlie's hands.

     "So, Ben, seems like you're my new protector."

     "That's okay. One day, he'll me to old to hold all the time. Then we'll get revenge."

     Girlie grinned, knowing full and well that Bill and Prez would forget, or at least forgive. Until then, Girlie had a human shield that doubled as entertainment by simply rising him in the air and singing The Lion King theme.

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