I can't exactly remember how I died, although I know it was a brutal accident. Yes, I am dead. No, I am not a zombie. No, there is no heaven or hell. It's just this never-ending blackness where you roam about. You have no memory, no thought process, no emotions; you're just completely nothing.
Some of us are lucky; we can regain our memories and our thoughts and sometimes, some emotions. It's very slow, however, kind of like living. When you're born, you don't know what's going on and you have to adapt to life and allow your memory storage to grow. You must learn the ways of life and what's what.
I guess we're called "ghosts." We live in complete darkness. The more you remember, the more color you see. Like I said earlier, some see more than others, so some remember more than others. Most of the time you'll find comfort in the memories you see, but there are also some that bring terror or confusion. Some will remember who they were, while others don't. Some don't remember anything at all and they grow awfully lonesome. One day these "ghosts" might, while others may not.
I'm starting to remember what living and breathing was like, which then allows me to see the world from a different point of view. Since I am dead, obviously I cannot speak, hear, touch, smell, breathe, walk, et certera. Seeing, like I started to explain, is different. You can only see the world from what you know and remember. You don't watch people move on with their lives. It's more like watching a tape from your past.
You may be wondering what types of things are seen. For example, I see a young, cold, pale, body with only a few mourners surrounding it. This is usually the first memory you get. You then realize it was your death. Some people say they see young children laughing and playing and recall it was them with their friends when they were little.
My favorite memory is this person. I see them sitting, standing, sleeping, crying, cooking, cleaning, screaming, playing...They are beautiful. And not just any kind of beautiful. It's the kind of beautiful where you get a feeling and warmth and a soft twist in your stomach. The kind of beautiful where you can't help but gaze with some sort of goofy smile. The kind of beautiful where they can't seem to escape your mind. Their smile is so bright, it makes you believe that stars don't exist and there is nothing more satisfying than to hear them laugh.
Some call this love.
I'm not sure if they loved me back...I try so hard to remember who they were and why they were in my life. If I could turn back time and somehow stop myself from dying, I would. Just for them. Just for this one person and to see them smile again.
The darkness scares me...but this person is the one thing that makes it all better.