Married against her will

My parents and his parents decided that we would get married. On my wedding day, I met him for the first time. I knew what I had to expect. My new name was Emma Tomlinson and I hated it.


17. Chapter Seventeen - Love and hate

Louis never found any evidence. Harry had to stay. The day that Sara would be buried, I dressed in black and I went to church. I didn't care if people saw me or talked behind my back. I wanted to show my sorrow for her and it felt more right to be there. Many of the workers were there and also her family. I sat at the back of the church and looked down at my hands. It was as if everyone was wondering what I was doing there, but when the priest began to talk, they put more attention on him.


Sarah's mother was inconsolable. She stood a long time at the grave and looked down at the coffin. I wanted to say something to her, but what? When I came up to her but she looked just cold up at me and I saw the hatred in her eyes. 
"Are you satisfied now?" 
I began to cry and shook my head. 
"No, I never wanted this to happen." 
Her mother didn't care. 
"You would protect her, you would see that she had a good life and now she's dead." 
I wiped away the tears. 
"I know, but I ..." 
I felt a slap on my cheek. I was about to lose the balance and saw her father standing there. 
"Get out of here." he exclaimed cold. "You aren't welcome here and no one in your family is ever welcome to us."


Niall took the ice bag and forced me to sit still. 
"Your eye gets swollen if you don't ..." he exclaimed, and I gave up. He took the ice bag against my eye and my cheek. "What were you thinking when you went there?" 
I swallowed. 
"I just wanted ..." 
Niall cut me off. 
"You belong to the family Tomlinson and many hate you and Louis. They don't know you, but they know what the family can do." 
I sighed and met Nialls eyes. 
"How can I do to prove that I'm not like the others?" 
Niall smiled weakly. 
"You will never be able to prove it. Those who hate you have reasons why they hate you. It's just for you to accept it and live on."
It stung and I grimaced. Niall grinned slightly and seemed almost amused. 
"He was mean to hit you." 
I agreed. 
"He could have warned me or given me a chance to explain." 
Niall laughed and shook his head. 
"I feel more sorry for your face. Your beautiful face don't deserve to be abused." 
I was startled and stared at him. 
Niall paused and blushed slightly. 
"I just meant that it's a shame that ..." he paused again and looked at me. I saw a change in his eyes and it was as if the whole atmosphere changed. 
"Thank you?" I whispered. Niall thought I was beautiful? Or was he just being nice? I didn't know what to think, and he seemed almost embarrassed that he had said those words.


After a moment of silence he raised his hand, the one that not holding the ice bag, and caressed my other cheek. He looked into my eyes and smiled uncertainly. 
"You're beautiful Emma. Right from the first day I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." 
I blushed. He smiled warm towards me and his hand was so soft. He watched me in detail and let his hand slowly slip through my hair. 
"You're so perfect in every way." he whispered. "Louis doesn't understand how lucky he's to have you."
I held my breath. 
"He doesn't want me." I got out. I regretted it almost immediately, but Niall didn't listen carefully to what I said. 
"If I had been Louis, I had given everything to you. My love, my money and my life." 
I fell silent and just stared at him. Was he in love with me? That thought had never appeared in my head and for me he was Niall, just a friend. Yet it tingle in my stomach and I felt how he influenced me. What was happening? I hesitated to say anything more and Niall seemed to hesitate to even move his hand. He lowered his eyes and looked down at my lap. 
"It's just as well that I tell you it all." he whispered. "I love you so much it hurts. Hadn't it been for you, I had run away from here, but it's you who gives my life a meaning."
He lowered the ice bag and swallowed. 
"Emma, don't get mad at me, and you don't need to worry. I wont try to win your heart and I wont force myself on you. I'm your friend, but you now know what I feel for you." 
I sat quite still and all thoughts just spun around. Niall loved me, he really loved me. He didn't only said it, he really felt it throughout his body. He was the only one who loved me and I could hardly believe it.

"I'll follow you back to the house!" 
Niall stood up and walked away with the ice bag to his small freezer. I couldn't let go of him with my eyes and I didn't get out a single word. I hated the silence that occurred, but I found no words to speak out loud. Niall had confessed his feelings for me and I treated him wrong, but what could I say? It couldn't happen anything between us, because I was married. Niall was employed on the farm and I couldn't have a relationship with him. Or could I?


When I got into my room, I was still shocked. It was as if my whole world was spinning around and I didn't get a foothold. I realized that everything had changed and nothing was as it should. Harry was a killer, my husband was gay and Niall was employed. I was just a piece in a game and I couldn't do anything about it. What did I feel? What did I want?


I couldn't fall asleep that night. Before me I saw Nialls face and I couldn't get him out of my mind. I saw all the things that we had done together and everything that I had told him. He loved me anyway, with all faults. I had Niall to set up to changing Louis. Why did he set up? Why hadn't he said against me or told me he loved me before? Had I then made ​​different choices? What would I do now?


In the morning, I stood by my bedroom window and I saw Niall in the yard. I saw him without a shirt and he was working with the mower. I saw him walking back and forth. I saw his wonderfully sweaty body and I saw his muscles tense. He was really good looking and actually he had many qualities that I just liked. But what did I felt for him? I had been so aware that Louis was my husband, I hadn't thought about other guys. I had put my love behind me and I hadn't realized that there was a Niall in front of me. A Niall who was anything but Louis. He was perfect in so many ways, and he cared. Niall said the truth to me and he listened to me. Niall believed in my words, and he didn't need proof to believe in me. 


And what the fuck was I doing?


"I heard about the funeral!" Harry giggled cold towards me. "You got a slap on the mouth?"
I felt that I was still swollen in the face. I couldn't get mad at Harry and I couldn't fight with him. 
"I know." 
He balked. 
"Aren't you going to cut back and argue with me?" 
I shook my head and walked past him. 
"Harry, for me your nobody. I don't care about your opinions and I don't listen to your words." I stopped and gave him one last look. "You have to live your life and I know what you've done. Someday you will be punished and maybe I then bother a bit about you. But for the moment your just air."
Harry said nothing more to me. I left him and I don't know for how long he stood there. I didn't know and I felt much stronger than ever. I realized that I had to stand up for myself and not let others push me down. I was loved and I was a person. I was Emma and I was just me.

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