4. Chapter Four - The church
It was a busy morning. I was driven to a spa, I got a massage all over the body, I got manicures, I was at the hairdresser (who also had to come home and make sure I looked perfect out the seconds before). Finally I got food in my stomach, but then we went home and I would put on my wedding dress. Mom went with me up to my room and she looked happy.
"And you know that he expects much this night?" she asked. I realized she spoken about sex, but I knew that Louis wouldn't touch me.
"It's okay mom." I said. She looked at me in surprise and seemed to wonder why I wasn't worried. "I know what he will do."
"When I married your father, I was really scared. I remember that it hurt, but it will get better with time."
I looked into the mirror and I knew that Louis wouldn't take my virginity. I saw how the dress came right on my body and I knew I couldn't expect love with Louis.
"The pain will pass." I said so that she would think I realized the seriousness. "One day I might give birth to a son and then it will be worth it."
Mom had tears in her eyes and nodded at me.
"You're so strong, my beloved Emma."
I blushed, because I had a different opinion. I gave her a quick glance.
"Mom, it will go well and I know this is my destiny. I have no choice?"
She agreed and stood up.
"Now let's get you ready and then we'll go to church."
I stood outside the church and dad came up to me. He would lead me into the church and up to the altar. He would give me over to Louis and then everything would float on. I was nervous and I saw how big the church was. Johannah had talked about five hundred guests and just the thought could make me afraid. I took my hand around my dad's elbow got the flowers in my other hand and we walked up to the door.
"You're beautiful!" he whispered to me and took down the veil over my face. I smiled at him and enjoyed. It was the first time that dad gave me praise and I felt so proud of myself.
The doors were opened and the music began. I would go a long way to the altar and everywhere I saw how everyone was staring at me. I took a deep breath and directed me to the altar. I saw that Louis was standing there and he looked happy, as I had expected. We slowly started to walk into the church and everyone stood up. I just looked at Louis and my thoughts spun around. He was gay, he didn't want me but yet he took me? I regretted it almost, but I knew I couldn't back out. I saw how he looked curiously at me and I saw that he seemed satisfied.
When we arrived at the altars gave dad me over and Louis stood beside me. He gave me a quick smile and then he looked at the priest. I don't know what happened to me. I stood and looked at the priest, but I didn't hear what he said. In my head, I saw before me what my life would look like. I saw how Louis took home guys and took them to his room. I would be his beard and I would be his wife toward the outside. Everyone would think that we were so lucky and that we were the perfect couple. I swallowed! After that day I would live in a lie. I would live with a friend and not with a husband. I wanted to scream, I wanted to run away, but I stayed on.
We said yes, we took on each other the rings and Louis lifted my veil. I saw that he was startled and he lit up. I chose to smile weakly and I blushed.
"You may now kiss the bride!"
Did he want to kiss me? Did he even want to be near me? I hesitated and I saw that he did the same. Yet he stooped toward me and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. I felt that he let his lips be against mine a few extra seconds. Was it just because everyone would buy our lie? When he finished, he turned his face to all the guests and they cheered. I felt cheated. I looked at everyone who was there and I saw how happy they were. I would also be happy now? Okay, I didn't have to live in a prison, but what looked my future life like?