I couldn't stand the feeling of falling from heaven, it felt like all the life was being sucked dry from my body. And my wings, losing my wings- it felt like losing a sister, or a close friend. And although technically I couldn't feel, I could have sworn I felt another tiny bit of my soul tear. This is what it meant to be a guardian angel. Living on the border line between heaven and Earth, protecting the innocence of my human. Unlike demons... we angels weren't supposed to live vicariously through them. Possession was wrong, so instead we watched, and waited. Aiding them on their journey before accompanying them to wherever it is, they go in the afterlife. If it was heaven- us guardian angels got a metaphorical pat on the back and a big green tick. If it was hell, we had failed.
However that wasn't the only reason I was desperate to succeed in my missions. Other than the fact it's been hardwired into my soul as my purpose in life, I hated hell. It made me uncomfortable to be that close to that many demons. And although it wasn't this terrible place, full of torture, it gave me the shivers. They wanted to hurt me- I could feel it. Any demon would kill an angel if they had the chance.
And yet, when I fell from heaven I wondered if hell would be the best option, because at least it meant I wouldn't have to feel like this. I lay crumpled on the ground long after I had fallen, breathing shallow breathes and kneading my fingers into the moist grass I lay on, just waiting for the pain to pass. Finally, little by little the fog cleared from my head and I became acutely aware of my surroundings. I was in a park, and by the look of the starry sky it was late. The swings, the see saw- they were all isolated. I relished in this isolation; this was the last time I'd ever be alone for the next sixty or so years.
I waited for the low sound of drums to increase, homing in where it was coming from. Standing shakily I pursued it, out of the park and on to the concrete. I quickly realised that I was wearing heels and I pulled them off, not daring to look at the rest of my outfit... But people began to stare as I picked up the pace and ran down the pavement as the urge grew stronger, and I couldn't help wonder what I looked like. For now- they could see me, hear me, and feel me and all I knew is that I appeared to my human as what he/she would be most drawn to. And as humans got their guardian angels at eighteen, I'd been dressed pretty weirdly in the past.
At last the drums quietened, and I knew I was here. Stood outside a two story semi- detached house, vibrating with noise. It looked expensive and I could only imagine what the neighbours would think of the out of control party happening on their door step. I looked down at my outfit, hoping that I had got a female human and was dressed relatively modestly... No such luck.
I was wearing the most ghastly leather dress, not so much figure hugging but more like a second skin. And of course my double D breasts were tumbling out of it and my long tanned legs completely on show. I pulled at the bottom shocked that my bum was actually on show. But as I tugged at the bottom my breasts almost completely fall out. Why did I always have such bad luck?
I breathed in the cold night air, glad that I couldn't feel. All I wanted to do was find my human and disappear from the human eye again; where I belonged. right now I was at risk- of being targeted by humans, and maybe even demons. That would never happen I assured myself. But the feeling of fear remained. That fear confused me- I could easily fight of ten newbie demons (they were the only ones stupid enough to attack)... But the elders... they could get into your head. "Shh Jaseen" I hissed at myself- I was scaring myself for no reason when I needed to be focused.
Putting the disgusting six inch heels back on my feet, I walked into the unknown territory and away from the fear that was biting at my heels.. The first thing that hit me was the smell of vodka and alcohol, then the sound of all those voices shouting over the stereo system, and finally the wandering eyes of the boys surrounding me. I'd never been to a party like this. The last party I went to was in the 1960's, before my human grew up and got a family, and then went on to heaven. But this party was different. It was hellish, it was a complete and utter assault on the senses which I couldn't even compute.
The feeling of hell increased as my body was crushed by the mob, rubbing up against me and swaying to the boom boom boom of the bass. I felt a hand on my thigh, another on my bum and one on my chest. Eager to leave I pushed against the crowd to no avail. All I could do was hope that the human I would spend to rest of his life with (I'm assuming it's a he) was not one of the males I was being groped by. I looked above the crowd scanning the room, but everyone looked the exact same.
I felt another hand on my bum, and a turned round to remove it. "Come with me," All of a sudden my whole body was shadowed by one that was a lot larger. I looked up into these endless eyes and nodded, no idea why I had agreed or why I shouldn't have. Why was I here anyway? I thought groggily. A cloud had entered my head and I couldn't think... Well I was at a party so I was probably here to have fun. Everyone else was I thought slowly. Following the tug of his hand on my waist I was lead to a small space in the corner of the room. Away from any windows or doors- no escape. I let that thought go and fell into his body.
His face was serenity, his eyes were a storm, his lips... I can't breathe, only feel. I felt the whole room: the pounding of the bass, the anticipation of the surrounding couples. And him, I felt him like electricity, running down my skin, to my toes and back to my head. Like a circuit buzzing through me, warming my body with his presence. His arms locked around me, black eyes locked on mine, fingers laced through hair, body's entwined. This is what heaven feels like... or was it hell? I couldn't remember.
Questions like who are you, escaped my mind. I had forgotten who I was, let alone who he was. And it seemed like too much effort to care. I rocked against his body feeling sleepy and exhilarated at the same time. Running my fingers through his hair, I breathed in the smell of fire from his chest- it felt right to have my head there- just under his. "ow," I exclaimed. I pricked my finger on something sharp in his hair- they were like little horns. It actually hurt.. I wasn't meant to hurt, to feel, I slowly remembered. The feeling of euphoria began to fade, horns? who has horns? like little demo- "Oh" I moaned. Completely losing my train of thought as he sucked the blood from my finger. I could stay like this forever... That's when I kissed him.