What a great idea!!! I would just like to say to everyone that, I have NO IDEA who or what the X-Men are, but I understood it perfectly well.:)
This book review is only up to chapter 6 - The winning statement. I would (and will) read up to the end, but it would take four hours to read, and another four to mention all the good and bad bits in each chapter (my fingers need to do homework after this, you know!!!). So...
Firstly, I really like how you make the connection between Scott and Evelyn un the first few chapters, by showing how much she thinks about him, etc. especially the 'roll your eyes' comment. By repeating it in Evelyn's head over and over again, it emphasises how much everything he tells her affects her, even if she doesn't agree with it.
Also, the way you mix in description with normal comments is awesome! 'usually unnoticeable orange highlights in my bright red hair.' You mix in comments about her hairdresser and her style with her actual appearance. I'm really bad at describing my characters... Master......
You manage to add to the atmosphere with these little comments that have massive effects 'I blink in disbelief'
Your 'says, asked, and said' are incredible !!! Instead of she said, it's she gasped, he shouted, and all of this really adds to the tenseness, and the overall atmosphere
Chapter endings. OMG!! You have a good mix of cliffhangers, the something is going to happen soon but I don't know what, and the aaaaah, goodnight Evelyn,please no one kill here when she rests dreaming of Scott. Too many cliffhangers = whatevs! but you have the perfect balance.
Now, this is the bit you really don't want to know... And it's surprisingly empty....?
Grammar and spellings near perfect - I saw one typo. One!!! So close!!!
Now, I know I only read up to chapter 6, but at that point, there weren't many problems, leaving me thinking, "where's this book going to go now?" This May have changed as you go along, but remember: tension is your friend. Use it!!!
After speech, even if it's going to go on, remember to have capital letters (boring but true).
I'm really sorry, but I can't actually find any more faults in it (yet, but seriously, brill writing), so I'm going to skip right to the review. I'll give you a totally awesome....
Only because everyone can improve. Always.
Still keep writing (though I think I need to carry on reading), coz this is a great book.....