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5. She's not afraid - by aysha_directioner_xo

Tilly Chase

Great book, with an interesting plot idea
Firstly, I'll put it out there, you have a really nice writing style. Nice going chica (what, I'm meant to be revising for a Spanish test!!!) !

I really like how you manage to have loads of different atmospheres into only five chapters! You have nervousness of a first day, annoyance at someone for getting you into detention, anticipation of what the dare is going to be like, and so on....

Your use of adjectives is brilliant! Instead of just saying said, asked, said and asked, you use lied, shouted SCREAMED, and so on :)
I loooooove how you described Alex. Instead of saying 'I have brown silky hair, etc.' you say 'something about her was different. She had ..... Etc.'
You have very good, emotive writing. I really understand how angry/annoyed/happy the character is, without having to change it to one of my own experiences.
Funny!! Also, a very good point that the classroom doesn't actually belong to the teacher! I'll be sure to use that next time. . .
Just a few pointers: The first chapter had a few too many P.O.Vs, and this made it a bit confusing to follow. For a bit, I thought Harry's P.O.V was Alex' time, try to keep it a few less, eg. Harry's P.O.V Niall texted me "Mate, only just woke up. It is Monday, right?" Instead of switching them, get open talk to the other about what they're doing.
In the first chapter, Alex speaks quite proper English, but in the second she says stuff like 'gunna, whatevs, etc
All in all, it's a very well worded book, practically no mistakes, just a few tweaks needed, so I'm going to give you a wonderfully awesome.....
Congrats, and carry on writing!


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