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8. Different sides of the dispute - Uniqua Niques


Hi!!!!!!
This was such a good book! I loved it, you had me hanging on till the very end (which came far too soon). So, here we go:
The starting sentence. Always an important thing - and you got it right. Just by saying you're looking at someone who's rude and obnoxious makes you ask about ten gazillion questions. 
Next the way you change it, to the MONSTER. Now you are confused as to why a person would hate someone so bad....

The adjectives you use to describe are so GOOD!! I can picture everything that she's saying really clearly. 
Similarly, the way you say 'growls' 'long cold laugh' instead of asked, and laughed impresses what's going on.

The atmosphere then is tense (well done!!) but when you go onto Kaspar's Pov, it changes, becoming scarier, more tense, quite.. Cold, and confused. 
The first sentence is good, because it shows how they both think the other is a monster, and they have the noble cause (TITLE!!!). Likewise with the next few paragraphs, they both state the 'evils' the other side has done, really shows the conflict of who's good and who's bad. The fact that lapsed has less things to say, and keeps just thinking about that ONE bad thing, shows how much more she is right. This is pushed on by the fact that Kasper begins to doubt himself.The two chapters fit together like puzzle pieces, which is really good, because a reader feels 

good about reading a book when they can piece together what's going on themselves - it keeps them reading, and readers = good!! 
I could go on a lot longer, but you've probably heard how brilliantly awesome your book is before, so I'll quickly say this: 
There isn't much you could improve on, but just this point. 
When writing the tortures done to the good guys, remember not to overdo it. Too much gruesome-horror-killing-torturing stuff, and it kills the atmosphere and the plot. You didn't, and in this book it was necessary, to impress what was going on, and how terrible it was, but BEWARE!!! 
Also, where were they? At first I thought Rhea had been captured, but in the end she leaves, there's only one clue saying he's in bed "and he could sleep, happy he's done his duty". But then, if his stun guns by his side, why doesn't he use it?!? 
But apart from that, and one or two unused commas, it's petty much perfect.
I'm going to give you a grand....
9.9/10!!!!
Only because, everyone can improve!
Please keep writing this, or something similar.
TC
     :)
 

 

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