I don't know why. Why it's necessary to make these choices. These terrible, regretful choices. What do these sick people gain? Killing, torturing, anything else that involves pain or injury...it pleases them. Why? Who came up with idea of violence? Who had an idea that this is the only way that people can resolve things?
I can't understand why. It's to hard to think about someone being tortured. How can I stand it? Do I have the mind of a killer? Of someone who enjoys violence? I hope not. I wince at the lonely thought.
"Cynthia, I'm back with the groceries." Ron's voice echoed through the hall of the apartment.
"Okay." I replied, "Put them down on the counter in the kitchen."
"No. The counter."
A few minutes later, the leather couch I was relaxing on bounced as Ronald plopped onto it. His warm breath tickeled my neck. I flinched when it made contact to my bare skin.
I always felt like Ronald was attracted to me. I knew him for years. Since I was seven, actually. He's a nice looking guy. From what I remember what he looked liked in sixth grade, he had shaggy, dirty blonde hair. The biggest, clearest blue eyes. His skin so clear. But that was years ago, what he looks like now? I can't answer that.
"So, Cynthia." he whispered in my ear.
I jumped back a bit. "Um...Ron..."
"Yes, my master." he joked."
"Um...w-what did you get at the store?"
There was a silent pause.
The sound of nails scrapping the thin layer of skin attached to the head broke the silence, "Just what you told me to buy..."
For some reason, I felt awkward around Ron. We've been friends since we were so young. I guess after the accidnet that happened, I lost a strong connection.
A shiver shot up my spine as something pressed up against my cheek. It felt like a kiss...but it couldn't be. Soon, a pain jolted up my jaw.
I winced at the pain. It was like needles being shoved into my face. My hand jolted up to my right cheek, feeling the afflicted area.
A metallic smell waffered through out the air. I gagged at its presence. My fingers became wet, and sticky. I rubbed them together, feeling the sticky substance settle into the grooves of my finger.
Voices filled my head.
Don't do it.
Do not leave us.
We love you.
"Cynthia?" a masculine voice called out.
"You were totally out of it. You okay?"
"What? Oh yeah, totally...fine. Just...just great."
The one thing Ron doesn't know about me is that I can...do that thing with my mind. Even though he's the closest friend I have, he doesn't know much. Well, about my life now.
"So, uh, Cynthia...what have you been...doing?" Ron staggered out.
"Um, you know. Listening to crappy songs...wondering..."
" 'About what', what?"
I let out a small giggle. He did as well.
"How does it...feel...like to be blind?"
How did it feel? Not what I was expecting...especially from him.
"Why does that soud like a question?" I asked annoyence flowing throw my words.
"Because it is." he replied softly.
And what confuses me about this is that he doesn't know why it's hard. Why wouldn't it be? I can't see. Well with my eyes anyway. But I can't just go straight out and tell him. Can I?
I couldn't talk about this with him. There goes my day...
I pushed myself off the couch and steadied myself on my feet. My hand waved out to the side, feeling for the handle of my walker. But it wasn't there. I could of sworn I put it right next to me...
"Ron, wheres my walker?"
"It's right here...on my side of the couch."
On his side? That's impossible. I know I put it right next to me.
He handed the thin, wooden stick into my hand and I walked off into my room.
My glasses wobbeled on my nose. They were way to big to fit onto my face...why did I get these? They slid down the bridge of my nose, and then they just took a leap of faith. They landed with a 'clank'.
I grunted and bent my body to the ground. The cold floor stung my hand as it touched the tiles. I patted the ground around me.
Crap, where are they?
I got down on all foors like a helpless puppy...
"Mummy! Mummy! Look! I'm like Ani!" I yelled out to my mother across the room.
"Very nice, darling" she didn't even look up from her daily newspaper.
I furrowed my eyebrows, "You didn't even look up..."
She lowered her paper and smiled, "Sweetie..."
I rolled my eyes at her and trotted away with my dog.
That was me...? My five year old self? B-but I couldn't go back that far... That's strange.
I followed younger me out of the room, she was crawling up the stairs with Ani.
I licked my tiny hands like Ani and then followed her up the stairs, once again.
I guess I really thought I was like my dog...If I copied her every move. I was so cute, if only I could see myself now instead of imagining what I looked like.
Ani ran down the hall into my mothers room. We leaped onto the bed, curling into a ball. I burried my face into her pillow and took a big wiff of her smell. I smiled at the thought of her, I loved her scent. She smelled like old perfume and something else I couldn't decipher.
This felt so real, even though I new it was. I never actually been able to come into my past events like this. Two things I found out, now...
I slowly walked over to the bed of where I was cuddled into my mother's pillow. Ani's head raised, and stared at me. Her low growl sent a shiver up my spine. Ani barked uncontrolably, burning her eyes into my soul. Younger me lifted up her head and turned herself towards the door. She narrowed her eyes at me. Could she see me? Crap.
Panick took over my body and I ran out. Is this supposed to be a good thing?
Patters of feet graudally got louder as I ran down the hall. Adrenaline pumped through my viens causing my legs not to stop.
My chest moved rapidly up and down from my heavy breathing. I felt the power regenerate in my body as I pulled myself up from the floor, sitting on my knees. A cold shock flew up my arm to my head. I winced at it stinging the flesh around my skull.
I ran my fingers through my hair while letting out a sigh. Even though I went threw these moments before, this one didn't have a special connection to my lost in sight. I didn't even know I could go back to my way younger me moments.
And the way she chased me. Did he see me? Did Ani see me? So many questions and none that can be answered by anyone but me. The thoughts will be floating around for some time...
I stood up from my kneeling position, using the wall as my balance. Baby steps led me towards my room. My hand felt for the brass knob connected to my door. When I found it, I turned it until it wouldn't turn anymore and flung the door open. Knowing that my bed was on the other side of the bedroom, I had a long way to go. Instead of using the wall as my guard again, I crawled over to my bed, hoping that it wouldn't cause anymore memories.
It felt like hours from getting to the door to the soft padding on a frame. I lifted my right hand, balancing my upper body on my left, feeling for the fluffy blanket that's plastered onto my bed. When I rubbed the soft material between my fingers, I pushed myself up onto the cloud I sleep on.
My face buried into a pillow. The smell of roses and ginger filled my nostrils. I flopped my body over so my back was getting the comfort of I needed. A sigh was released from my lips as I sunk into the bedding.
A wave of frustration and exagustion washed over my body. Although this day made me feel terrible, i felt happy to be in a safe place, relaxing. A smile slitthered onto my lips and within seconds, my day was lost by a deep slumber.