I'm probably coming off a bit psycho here but I’m honestly not.
Keep reading and you’ll probably understand better.
Mum had a new boyfriend.
Paul was fine, rich, polite to us. But that was it.
Again we moved into his house but it was only a couple of minutes down the road so it was fine.
This is probably going to sound stupid but at the time we had pet rats.
I loved my rat.
I trained her and she used to fall asleep on my shoulder nestled into my neck.
My relationship with my mum was already a bit strained as mum had resorted to keeping the rats in the shed.
I was furious.
Then we went on holiday with our dad. What we didn’t realise though was that mum went on holiday with Paul as well.
The rats “escaped”.
To this day I'm still not entirely sure mum didn’t just leave the lid off.
One day, I don’t know where mum was, Eden and I asked around our estate and found her rat Fudge at a neighbours.
But we never found mine.
Fudge later died in the shed, frozen to death in the winter.
It was horrible.
Then mum stopped us from seeing dad.
Like I said, I always got on better with dad.
There was so much more freedom there, I relaxed, enjoyed myself. So did my sister.
Then mum took that away.
Maybe nothing much would have happened, but at the time I was just so….messed up. I was friends with the wrong people. I would walk home with them and eventually joined in with taking things. I felt like I had a hole, I was so insecure in myself and I tried to fill that hole with different things. Material things, emotional…
Mum was a lot looser with rules back then. We were allowed out until nine and we live in a primary school estate anyway so it’s not like it’s a rough area. Me and my friends would gather as many people as we knew and dare each other. I was never dared to do anything too outrageous; I would turn the bigger ones down usually because I was only 13ish. My friend though wasn’t so “frigid”.
She’s dropped out of school now, goes out drinking, takes drugs and goes out with boys that treat her badly.
It wasn’t until one day in town when I nearly got caught trying to nick a black lipstick for Halloween that I realised I was being stupid.
I broke away and made new friends.
Still, home life never really did improve.
Because that’s when my social life began its steady death.