I was moved up to the teenage mental health ward, there is quite a lot of people around my age that are being cared for in this ward by the nurses and doctors. I'm in a room with another girl but I haven't really talked to her. I can't help but think of my past, and all I have been through...
I was the first born to my mother and father , my mother was 17 years old whilst my father was 18 years old. My parents always wanted a lot of children, they both came from small families which made them want a big one.
When I came into the ward they asked for my dad's phone number but I couldn't give it to them because I didn't know it. My dad kicked me out of the house when I was 14 years old because he caught me with a girl, I'm a bisexual but he just calls me a fucking dyke which I'm not. There is only my dad and my four other siblings, Avery 14 years old, Layla 13 years old, Hunter 8 years old and Lucas 5 years old. My mother died giving birth to my little brother Lucas, he is the spoilt one in the family because he is the one growing up without our mother.
I use to be really close with my little sister Layla and my two younger brother Hunter and Lucas. After my mum died I was the one who had to stay home a lot to take care of my little brother Lucas, I got really behind in school that I nearly had to repeat a year.
When I was 13 years old I started to watch what I was eating. When my father kicked me out of the house, I didn't have enough money to keep eating for long, I then would be left starving for day and days on end. I became really skinny that you could see my ribs through my skin, I got that sick I ended up in the hospital. My father came and signed my discharge paper then left not even saying a word to me or give me any money. I later on found the shelter that I now use a lot, he gave me food along with a place to stay when he could along with a hot shower.
I started hurting myself when I was 14 years old after my father kicked me out. I have only been in hospital myself only once and that was only because I didn't want to be here, that was actually just before Avril came into my life. I use drugs along with alcohol to mask how I feel, I smoke to let go of my stress.
I lay in bed asleep of once, I only have another day here before I fly back Sydney to see Sophie. I'm so excited but also I am very nervous, I'm scared she won't want to see me because I left.
I sleep restlessly as I toss and turn constantly, just then my phone rings. I pick it up to see an unknown number on the screen, I doubt weather I should answer it but something inside of me tells me I should. I answer the phone not knowing what to expect.
"Hey Avril...,'' she says in a quiet voice that it is nearly a whisper.
"Sophie?'' I ask shock clear in my voice, I was just so speechless.
"Yeah it is me."
"What's wrong Soph?'' I ask in a panic since she was calling me from the other side of the world.
"I just needed to know if you really meant what you said about coming back to see me."
"Yeah I am, I'm fly back tomorrow night,'' I say in a calm voice but I can't help the bit of excited coming out in my voice.
We talked on the phone for awhile, we talked a bit about my family then she told me a bit about somethings she is interested in. I made her laugh which put a permanent smile on my face. She hangs up on me after saying goodbye, I can't help but miss that absolutely gorgeous blonde teenage girl I left behind in Sydney, Australia.
Talking to Avril made my day, I had totally forgot that ringing her at that time that it was early in the morning over there. I'm starting to get to know my room mate in this ward, her name is Jordan but I'm allow to call her by her nickname Jordy. We have told each other about what brought us into the ward, along with pretty much all our past. I have made friends with two other girls Rachel and Elisha, I also became friends with a guy everyone of his friends call Lainey. I remember him from when I did actually attend school quite a lot, he is only 15 years old but he is in my grade. He has blonde and black hair is cut into scene style, he has light blue eyes that just capture nearly every girls heart, he has the right side of his lip pierced along a septum piercing, he stands at about five foot ten and is all muscle.
The doctors that came to see me up here in the ward, they put me on anti-depressants which I was really surprised about. They are keeping me until I get to the goal weight they want me at, I really hate this place since the only good things are Jordy, Lainey, Rachel and Elisha. I lay on my bed in our room, Jordy comes in looking pretty beautiful like always.
"Oi Soph, sit up,'' she says to me as she stands at the side of my bed.
I do as she said and sit up, she climbs onto my bed crossing her legs to sit on my bed. She pulls my head down so it is in her lap, she smiles down at me as I look up at her. She plays with my hair which normally I don't let people do but I'm just going to let her.
"You know your absolutely beautiful Sophie, don't you?" she asked me her smile disappearing only to be replaced by this dark present in her eyes.
"What's wrong Jordy?" I ask looking up into her eyes, she looks down into mine scaring me with that look in her eyes.
"As soon as I leave or you leave you will forget about me and I will lose you,'' she said with tears streaming down her cheeks, I wipe them away instantly for her.
I take her hand in mine with a pen in my other one, I write down my number upon her hand.
"That's my number, you can call me no matter when and I will always be there for you,'' I say giving her my signature smile, I sit up and turn around to face her, I give her a big hug knowing that is what she really needed.
Jordy was in here because she tried to kill herself, she has battled depression along with anxiety which doesn't really messed with her head. She was bullied so much and still is because she is gay, she's a lesbian. She is such a beautiful girl with raven black hair and beautiful blue eyes, she is around the same height as me.
I flew into Sydney on a private airplane which will stay here until I go back to Los Angeles. I'm taken by car to the house I bought in Sydney, it looks like it is two small apartments but it is just one pretty big house in the city. I had someone decorate the house exactly how I like it, it actually looks pretty good too. There is four bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen, dinning room, lounge room and another room I'm making into my music room.
I make my way upstairs where all four bedrooms are as well as the bathrooms, mine has a bathroom in it which is the best thing. There is another bathroom which is a bit bigger then the one in my room. I unpack my clothes into the walk in closet I have, I leave a pair of lack skinny jeans along with a plain black t-shirt. I strip down so I'm naked, I get in the shower and let the good feeling of the hot water running over me take me away into my thoughts.
I get out wrapping a towel around my naked, wet body. I dry myself off, I dry my hair with my towel so it doesn't drip down my back. I put on a pair of black underwear and a bra, I slip into her skinny jeans, before she slips the plain black t-shirt over her head. I put on a pair of socks before putting on my black converses making me feel like I look complete, I grab my phone along with the teddy bear I got for Sophie in Los Angeles. I go down to the garage with the car keys I grabbed off the key rack by the door, I get in my black 2010 BMW M3 Coupe which looks amazing in my eyes.
I walk into the ward in which Sophie is in after parking my car and finding my way through the hospital. A nurse comes to greet me.
"Hello Ms Lavigne, what are you doing here?" she asks me with a huge smile on her face.
"I'm here to see Sophie Scott,'' I say smiling at her, she takes the teddy bear to make sure nothing on it could inflict pain upon Sophie.
She goes off into a room which I'm guessing is the one Sophie is in. I must have been right because Sophie comes running out of her room, she runs straight into me basically tackle hugging me making me fall to the ground with her on top of me. I start laughing as I feel a bit of pain go up my back, man this girl was strong, well at least strong enough to knock me to the ground.
"What are you laughing at?'' she asks me puzzled by my laughter.
"Did you miss me?" I ask with a giggle following after the question, her look went back to her beautiful eyes staring into mine with a huge smile on her lips causing me to smile back at her.
I had knocked her to the ground because I was so excited to see her, it only really hit me since being in here that I'm so lucky to have gotten the change to become friends with Avril Lavigne, as in THE Avril Lavigne who happens to be my favourite singer and my role model. I was just so happy to see her that I over did it, I don't think she minded because she was laughing at me.
I help her up since I was the one who did knock to the ground in the first place. She stands up and gives me this cute teddy bear, it instantly makes me feel thought of. She straighten ups her t-shirt and fixes her hair.
"Come on, let's go somewhere and talk Soph,'' she says to me as I take her wrist, pulling her along until we were in this corner area bit.
I sit down in a seat and she sits on the table they have there, she smiles at me causing me to smile back at her.
"So do you like the teddy bear?" she asks me with a nervous look on her face.
"Yeah, he is soooooooo cute!"
"I'm going to stay over here for awhile so I can make sure you're going the right way to getting better."
"I guess you want to know about my past?" I ask shyly.
"If you want to tell me I would be interested,'' she said with a pleading look, I knew I had to because that look was killing my heart.
Sophie told me all about what has happened to her, she told me many stories, some made her cry but some made her laugh. Her story really got to me, I mean how can someone so young go through as much as she has been through. It is so amazing that she is still here, I can't help but smile at the girl in front of me, her icy blue eyes pierce through my soul making my heart melt when I look into them.
I can't help but have this weird feelings for her, it is like I'm attracted to this teenage girl, but I mean I can't be she is another girl. I can't help but think of this as the way I have felt about guys I have dated in my past...
I walk out the ward feeling like my heart just broke as I walked out those doors. I walk down to where my car is parked, I get in speeding off back to the house. I put my car in the garage, I make my way inside. I throw my hand bag on the floor, take my black converses off. I make my way up to my room, I just flop down on the bed feeling so drained, mostly mentally drained. I just look up at the roof, my train of thought goes straight to Sophie which makes me sigh giving into my thoughts.
I haven't been to see Sophie in days, I'm just trying to stay away since I have what seem to be a stupid crush on a girl. I mean every girl gets one crush on a girl right? so I'm just trying to stay away to just forget about it, I know Sophie has tried to call me but I didn't pick up at all.
I've spent the last couple of days missing Sophie so bad. I stayed in bed or just played my guitar all day and writing new songs. I just needed a distraction I guess to get her out my head, it has been hard to keep her out my head but I try my hardest. I look at my phone to see a couple of phone calls as well as two text messages, both of them are from Sophie's phone. Curiousity got to me about what was written with in the text messages, I open up the first one to read:
Y r u ignoring me? Did I do
something wrong? Plz get
back to me Av xx
I feel my heart sink as I think of how Sophie must be feeling, she must be feeling terrible since she thinks she did something wrong. I open the second text message for it to read:
I'm sorry 4 whateva I did.
I will stay away from u.
I miss u tho Avril xx
My heart felt like it was breaking in two, I couldn't help but let a couple of tears roll down my cheeks. I feel like I'm the worst person on this earth, I had just hurt a 16 year old teenage girl who is in the adolescent mental health ward. That was the worse thing I could have done to her, my heart starts to hurt and tears stream down my cheeks from my eyes. I have to see her again, I need to see her now...
I haven't seen Avril in days, she said she would come see me the day after she left but she never showed up. I called her many times, I even left her two text messages from my iPhone that I was only allow to use a couple of times. It breaks my heart to know that after I told her my story that she left me here.
I lay on my bed in this room that I still share with Jordy, I'm crying so much I can't help but cough as I try to keep it silent. I know it isn't working when I feel a hand on my back.
"What's wrong beautiful?" she asks me, her voice clearly voicing worry as she rubs my back trying to help stop me coughing.
I sit up turning around, I wrap my arms around her as I hold onto her as I hug her. She rubs her hands up and down my back, I cry and cry on her shoulder as she tried to sooth me. She holds me tight to her, she whispers in my ear trying to calm me down.
I wake to the beautiful smell of Jordy's body spray, I face her as I layed cuddled up to her chest, she holds me against her with our legs entwined. I must have fallen asleep like this, I had just cried last night, I didn't even tell her what was wrong. I close my eyes not wanting this here to chance, I needed someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok.
"I know you're awake,'' she mumbled into my ear making me jump, I feel a sinking feeling flow through my body after hearing her say that.
"Sorry...," I managed to say out loud with my scratchy quiet voice, my face falls knowing in seconds she will pull out of out little cuddling thing here.
"Do you want to stay like this for awhile longer?'' she asks me still half asleep, she opens her eye just wide enough to see my nodding at her.
She gives me a tight squeeze, she moves a bit before her breath deepens as she falls back to sleep. My eyes feel very heavy, I quickly slip back into a deep sleep.
I wake to Jordy staring down at me, she smiles as soon as she sees my eyes flutter open. She gives me a little squeeze, she stares straight into my eyes showing me these gorgeous blue eyes of hers. I sit up and she does too, we sit cross legged facing each other.
"I want to get emancipated...,'' I say straight out to Jordy, her eyes nearly bug right out of her head, she seems to gather her thoughts together to bring herself back to this world.
"That's a big step to take Soph. I mean it is so rare for someone in Australia to get emancipated," she said with concern in her voice, I could tell she was really worried about me.
"I want this, I really do Jordy,'' I say with all my will so she knew I was serious, I look he straight in her blue eyes as I say it.
I need to get emancipated, but will I be able to? I just don't know, Jordy is right, I have never heard of a young teen getting emancipated like you do hear about it in America. Will I be put into care if my request to be emancipated is denied? I look at my wrist, there lays a huge scar from where I tried to end my life, what do I do...