I think it's safe for me to say that my whole life is taken up by books. Even at school, I'm thinking of the books I've read and those I haven't. When I can, I surround myself with the amazing stories that suck me out of my own world and into one filled with heroines and heroes.
At the age of thirteen, I volunteered at my local library. Mum told me that ever since I could read, I haven't stopped so therefore I think it's only fitting that my work place be a library. I only volunteered there for approximately a year before they hired me. One of the elder librarians passed away and they needed a replacement.
The library also gives me escape from other things as well. When I first began high school, I found myself the target of bullying. The ringleader was a guy named Jason, one year older than me. It started out as little things such as name calling and a little shoving around. I originally thought he was flirting with me and went along with it. Then it got even worse and I realised my terrible mistake. Soon I was being slammed into walls, tripped over and constantly harassed. I couldn't eat in the caffateria after they began making a habit of throwing food at me all the time. I thought I could stand it and tricked myself into believing it. Soon, my grades began to drop and I couldn't focus on my work properly. I wouldn't eat sometimes because of the name calling.
One night I couldn't handle it anymore and I found myself in the bathroom, razor in hand. I wanted to end my life in a way that would make them feel guilty for what they'd done and cutting my wrists seemed like a pretty good way to go. I remember staring at myself in the mirror as I made the first cut.
Obviously I didn't die though.I later realised that I hadn't bothered cutting a vein which was my goal. Instead, I now find myself in a circle of self-harm addiction where I have trouble going a day without pressing the blade to my arm. My parents don’t know and nor do my "friends" at school. It’s my issue and my responsibility. Besides, what happens when I do stop? I may become suicidal again and though life gets tough, I don’t want to die. I want to show them that I can live no matter what they do to me. I may give in partly to the bullying, but I promise myself that I will never give in completely by committing suicide.