Blue //HORAN//

➴ maybe this wold is so fucking cruel and i can´t be with you ➴


21. Harmony

The sun was already going down, as he finally stopped the car at the beginning of the wide flower fields. There were so many colors around us and Niall turned to face me inside his car, smiling with pure love at me. He gently grabbed my pale hand and leaned to me, with the sounds of birds around us.

“Shall we go?” he asked smiling and unbuckled himself. I nodded slightly, as he lifted my chin with his soft fingers.  

“I love you Elaine…” he whispered and his eyes turned sad with time. It made my heart broken, to know, that we just had so less time left. I would leave. I knew it, deep in my weak bones, in my lungs, which filled themselves with air less than before. I felt in in my pale arms and legs; felt it in my slow heartbeat. My time had a limit. And the end was near.

When we got out of his car, he took my hand and led me over the small path, which went through the fields. I went slowly, trying to suppress the pain inside my bones, but with every step, I made, it just got worse.

“Let me take care of you princess…” he whispered quietly and lifted me gently up in his strong, warm arms. I rested my cheeks against his chest and listened to his fast heartbeat.

 I love you Niall James Horan.

I love you for everything, you did for me. You led me through the dark, cared for me in the light. Your strong arms, leading me through the last seconds of life. You will never know how much you did for me. I don´t love you because of fame, look, voice, friends or money. I love you, because you are simply you. I love the way you smile at me, when I seemed so lost in the dark. I love the way you run your soft fingers over my back in the same way like you stroke them over the strings of your guitar. I love the voice, which leads me through nightmares in the night. The voice, when you make words to yours just by letting them escape your soft lips. I can´t explain, how you´ve made me fall in love with you. There was a day, I woke up and you just flashed through my mind and my heart exploded. I just wanted you all the way. I realized how beautiful your smile really is. How your voice burns into the heart of so many girls, without you even noticing it. I can´t explain it to you. I can´t explain it, because I fell in love with you.

I know, someday I will break your heart. Please forgive me. Please forget me.

I am just another girl in the crowd.

Another heart.

I love you to the end Niall.


We reached the beach. The waves hit the coast in a lovely way. I tried to lift my head and the last rays of the sun ran over my pale cheeks, making me close my heavy eyes.

“Niall?” I asked in the rhythm, his feet made on the warm sand. There were birds. I could hear the ocean. Full of life. A few meters away from us was a small cottage. It was a tiny house, directly at the beach, causing the rays of the sun. There were flowers and a small path, which led to the beach.

“Are we going to live here?” I asked with a broken voice, still holding my arms around his neck.

“Yeah we are princess. We will be here forever.” he whispered.

Please forget me. Please forgive me. Please love somebody. Make her happy, like you´ve made me. I know, I never said goodbye. I never said sorry. I never explained you my love.

Please forgive me Niall. Please don´t leave me in the dark. Please don´t stop.

I will love you forever. I will love you in the dark, when you´re alone. Because you saved me.

I asked Niall one thing, I wanted to do, before I would leave. There was one thing left, I didn´t wanted to miss. I couldn´t be in harmony, without him.

I wasn´t the girl, people wanted on their parties. I wasn´t the girl, which studied all the time, just to make her parents proud. I wasn´t the girl, which did sports or won a price for something, she reached in her life. I didn´t belonged to anybody. I never really found my place. I went through life, hoping everything would take its way on its own. I never made an effort to handle those things on my own.

Niall was the one, who made me, like I always wanted to be.

And yet I couldn´t leave without that one thing.

Niall gently laid me down on the bed, smiling at me with pure love. There was a silence between us. A silence of love.

His lips touched mine slightly and I closed my eyes, feeling the moment in every inch of my body, as he lay on top of me. His chest against mine, my legs between his.

I wouldn´t leave this place without him. He would be in my heart. He would be on my lips, where he kissed me. He would be in my heart, where he loved me. He would be in my mind, where he never left.

His fingers slowly ran down to my back, pulling down the zipper of my summer dress. I felt his hot breath in my mouth, felt his warmth against my body. I felt his love.


I loved the moment. It was the last thing, I wanted, to be in harmony.

I knew I never would sit outside in the garden, holding his hands in mine, which were weak and old like his. Our grandchildren would never play around us, asking us questions about life. Our daughter would never want to have our advice. I would never hold a baby in my arms, which I could call mine. I would never have a round belly, over which he would run his soft fingers and kiss me.

We would never be parents. We would never be elders. We would never marry.

I would leave him alone in the dark.


“I love you Niall.” I whispered.

I meant it in every way, I could feel. All my thoughts, all my feelings, all our kisses were contained in this four words. All the love, I ever felt for him. All the kisses, all the tears, and all the moments we shared with each other meant it.

I love you.

Funny, how much somebody can put into three words. 

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