I grabbed the blade. My eyes still bloodshot red. I pulled up my sleeve. I started to cry again. I slit my wrist. Bright red blood poured out. I deserve it.


6. Love of my life

I opened my closet door. I saw the teddy bear. I took it out. He was so huge that Jay had to put it in the back of his truck when he drove me home. I smiled. But remembered he was gone. My eyes watered. I hugged the bear. It smelt like him. His sweet calone. 

I hugged it tighter wishing it was him. "Please come back" I whispered to the bear. 

"Please...I'm miss you" I said a little louder.

"Please jay! Please!" I said normal talking.

i litterly fell on the bear.

"Please come back! Come back! Come back! Please!" I screamed crying. I hugged it so tight.

i cried loudly. My mom came rushing in. "Are you okay?" She said.

"No! Mom no! He's gone!!!" I screamed crying. He came next to me and the bear and hugged me.

This time I let her hug me. "I know honey..I know" she said.

"First him!" I screamed.

"Honey dad is different..he was an accident...jays..wasn't" she said.

"I know! It's all my fault! I didn't love him enough!" I cried.

"No baby! It is not your fault! He had a lot of problems" she said.

i cried louder and louder.

then I huffed and puffed. " mom I want to be alone" I said.

"okay" she said as she got up and left.

i knew jay had a lot of problems..but I had never thought that maybe I could be one of his problems. I pushed the teddy bear onto my bed. 

I always thought I wasn't good enough for him.

i was too ugly or stupid. And that there were other girls that he could be with. Why did he choose me?

i wiped my eyes. I should be done crying I know. But Jay was the love of my life.

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