I opened my closet door. I saw the teddy bear. I took it out. He was so huge that Jay had to put it in the back of his truck when he drove me home. I smiled. But remembered he was gone. My eyes watered. I hugged the bear. It smelt like him. His sweet calone.
I hugged it tighter wishing it was him. "Please come back" I whispered to the bear.
"Please...I'm miss you" I said a little louder.
"Please jay! Please!" I said normal talking.
i litterly fell on the bear.
"Please come back! Come back! Come back! Please!" I screamed crying. I hugged it so tight.
i cried loudly. My mom came rushing in. "Are you okay?" She said.
"No! Mom no! He's gone!!!" I screamed crying. He came next to me and the bear and hugged me.
This time I let her hug me. "I know honey..I know" she said.
"First dad...now him!" I screamed.
"Honey dad is different..he was an accident...jays..wasn't" she said.
"I know! It's all my fault! I didn't love him enough!" I cried.
"No baby! It is not your fault! He had a lot of problems" she said.
i cried louder and louder.
then I huffed and puffed. " mom I want to be alone" I said.
"okay" she said as she got up and left.
i knew jay had a lot of problems..but I had never thought that maybe I could be one of his problems. I pushed the teddy bear onto my bed.
I always thought I wasn't good enough for him.
i was too ugly or stupid. And that there were other girls that he could be with. Why did he choose me?
i wiped my eyes. I should be done crying I know. But Jay was the love of my life.