Broken: Inside and Out


4. 4

It was June 3rd, 2013 it was the 2nd to last day of school and I finished my English final tired, stressed and getting picked on more than ever. Now I was heading to choir to relax with my friend BreAnna and Josette. Since you can't really have a final in choir, we just watched "Michael Jackson's: This is it" My friends and I were in the back of the room just messing around when my phone goes off, and I'm thinking "Who the hell is texting me?" I took it out of my pocket and Cody's name flashed across the screen. I could feel myself blushing, just at the sight of his name. I opened up the text "Hey, what time do you get out?" Weird question, but you know, whatever. "I get out at 2:00. Why what's up?"

"Well I'm by your school and was wondering if you wanted to me to walk you home?" Well first off, I take the bus home, and it's hot as hell outside. I didn't really want to, but then I remembered, we would have the house to ourselves for a good 2 hours. I smirked and I sent back "Sure!(: I'll meet you at the front of the school." After the bell rang at the end of the day, I bolted to my locker, got my stuff, and sprinted to the front of the school. I stopped to look for him and found him leaning against a lamp post. I walked over and grabbed his hand, "Hey." I said, a smile spreading across my face. No matter what kind of hell I go through at school, he always makes me feel better. He looked up and smiled "Hey. Ready to start walking?" I sighed and looked down at my wedged flip flops. "Guess I am. Let's go." After walking a little ways he asks me "So, how was your day?" I just sigh and look down, "It was alright. I'm just tired." But he wasn't buying it. "Are you sure everything is alright? Is somebody bullying you?" I looked over at him and rolled my eyes, "No. I'm fine just tired and wanting to finish finals so I can start summer." I could tell by the way he looked at me, he knew I was lying. After what seemed like forever, we finally got to my house. I ran in and got a water. "Want one?" I asked Cody. "Sure." We started to cool off and then we just hung out and talked, which turned into kissing. A lot of it. It started with us just sitting on my couch doing little pecks and playing around with each other but then that quickly escalated to the point where he was laying on my couch and I was on top of him and we were making out. I was really just glad he was here and everything, but then I opened my eyes and looked over at my wrist. My bracelets were sliding off my arm to reveal the scars I had from earlier that month. I panicked and pulled away from him, and quickly covered my arm back up. He sat up, looking at me he asked "Are you okay?" I didn't look at him. I just looked down at my hands in my lap. Should I tell him? He deserved to know. But, would I scare him away? I was starting to think about losing him over this and tears started to brim my eyes. I looked up at him and asked "Did you ever have a girlfriend, or a friend that..." my voice caught in my throat. He came closer and put his hand on mine. "That did what?" he asked. I couldn't help it now, a tear fell from my eyes. "That self-harms." Silence. My heart started thudding against my chest. He looked down and sighed. "Yes." I looked at him and said "Well, now you know someone else who does." He looked up and hugged me. "Brianna, you know there are other outlets than that right?" I pulled back an looked at him. "Yeah. I know, but I've done it so much now, it's the only thing I turn to." He just sighed and moved my hair out of my face. "Brianna, I want you to do this, if you ever feel like doing it again-" he grabbed my wrist and traced his finger over my scars. "I want you to call me. I don't care what time it is or where I am or you are, if you get the urge to, I want you to call me. I'm always here for you. And I wouldn't ever want to lose you to something like this." I didn't say anything. That meant everything to me. I could feel tears sting my eyes and I just nodded and hugged him. If anything, that made us closer than ever. But, there was no way I was going to tell him about my suicide attempts. I didn't want to scare him or make him worry about me... One was before we started dating and it was just in the past. The other one was just 2 months before I told him about my self-harming. I still remember both times I tried to take my own life...

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