Broken: Inside and Out


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After I woke my head felt all groggy and clouded. All of a sudden, I had the worst burning sensation course through my arms. I yanked off my covers and once I saw my arms, all the memories of the previous night came flooding back to me. The crying. the yelling, the bathroom. The blood. I buried myself back under the covers and checked my phone screen, one new message from my boyfriend. "Hey, I know I'm probably the last person you wanna talk to, but can we please work this out?" I sighed and started typing me response. "Yes, we can talk. I wanna get things sorted out between us again. Call me when you're free." Immediately after my phone rang. I hesitated before picking it up. "Hello?" It came out more icy and cold than I had intended. "Hey Brianna. Listen, I overreacted last night. I know you're still probably pissed, but I just want you to know that it was all a big mistake siding with her and accusing you. Believe me I feel like a fucking asshole. But I just want you to know that I love you. I really do." What was I supposed to say to that? I wasn't really sure. But I was tired of fighting and I just wanted things to go back to normal. I sighed and said "It's okay.. It's the past now. It's behind us. All we can do is keep moving forward. I love you too." It was disturbingly quiet on the other end, but then I heard an eruption of sobs. I froze because I'd never heard him cry before. "I can't believe I almost lost you to something so stupid! I'm a fucking idiot! I don't deserve you." Wow.. I had no idea what to even think. But I was tired of all of the drama and fighting and crying. "I love you, ok? You need to understand that. It's gonna take a lot more than one little prick to pull us apart. Ok?" Sniffling on the other end. "Okay. I love you." "I love you too." And that was the end of the conversation. Everything went back to normal with us. But my mental state and physical state were still in shitty conditions..

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