Broken: Inside and Out


10. 10

I woke up, and everything was really fuzzy. What the hell happened? Oh wait, I remember. The fight, the pills, the lonely feeling. I got up with a few texts from my mom just telling me she was at work and was asking if I was awake yet. Sadly I was. Just to make sure she didn't get too worried I responded with "I'm awake now!(: Have a good day at work xx <3" Just to make sure she thinks I'm okay. I got up and went into the kitchen and took one of my moms Red Bulls and watched the the t.v. for awhile. But I was thinking, that's 3 times, 3 TIMES, that I've tried to end my life already. I'm only 14, and I've already tried to end my life. Damn..


The rest of December was alright. I had a good Christmas and New Years Eve. But in January, the last week of winter break, I had this really sharp pain on my tailbone. I asked my mom to take me to the emergency room because the pain was just unbearable. I couldn't sit down, walk, I couldn't even lay down it hurt so bad. So she took me to the emergency room where they gave me a shit ton of drugs so I wouldn't feel any pain. The doctor that came in had said I had a cyst on my tailbone that was an infected pocket of skin and I needed to get surgery on it soon or it would get worse and come back. We set the surgery date for January 20th. I was really scared, I started thinking of all the things that could go wrong while I was under...


Surgery day came faster than expected. I woke up nervous and terrified. The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever. Once we got there and checked in, I was ushered into a room to change into a hospital gown. I was really uncomfortable because I had to take ALL of my clothes off and I was afraid they would see the scars on my legs...

Once I was dressed I laid down on the sketchy hospital bed and waited for the nurses to come take my blood pressure and whatnot. After what seemed like hours, the doctor finally came in and asked if I was ready. I smiled nervously and said "As ready as I'll ever be!" he laughed and said "You know Brianna, you mad a very wise and smart decision to get this surgery done. Most people are embarrassed of where the cyst is and they just let it go. But it can kill you. It can infect your stomach and spread." Holy shit that's scary. That made me really afraid, but I'm still getting the surgery, obviously. They wheeled my bed into the surgery room and gave me the anesthesia, then I blacked out.

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