*3 days after appointment*
"Hey Niall, you need to come in. The results of your scan is back."
So I headed in. Obviously it isnt good if he cant tell me over the phone. I have been coughing hysterically lately and find myself coughing blood during the night every once in a while. Last night I woke up screaming in pain because of my head. I fell back asleep after probably a good hour.
"Whats up doctor?" I say slightly coughing from lack of air.
"Niall, I am not going to suger coat this. You have a type of cancer in your lungs. A tumor if you will."
I couldnt even fathom to what he said. I couldnt speak.
"I know your surprised to say the least. I would hate to be the barer of bad news but it's bad. Its Thyroid cancer. It causes fluid in the lungs and, well, it is non-curiable. Im sorry." He walked over and patted me on the back.
"Well it can happen from smoking or it can be passed down through jenes. I believe yours is from both smoking and alchohol. But you need to know that you are at an early stage. It'll get harder. The question is,do you want to go through chemo? I can stop the pain but not for long."
"How long will it stop the pain for?" I say coughing.
"Well inevitabley, it'll help for the first month. But you say that you are already having trouble breathing so you need oxygen. Otherwise you can stop breathing in your sleep. Now, we are going to do some tests over the next month or so, see just how long you can mke it through this and see how long it will take to progress. I sudgest letting us set you up with oxygen now so you can feel some relief and we will put you in for BiPar which is a sleeping breathing machine. It pretty much breathes for you in your sleep. I know this is a lot to take in Niall. But you have to start now. Otherwise it'll get worse, quicker."
"I- I understand."
He explained some more and I kind of zoned out. It never really set in that I wont be living a full life. I wont live to be 70 years old, having grand children coming over and loving every moment of my old life. I wont hav anyone to take care of. Lets face it, I DONT have anyone to take care of me.
Dr. sent me home with some oxygen and the nasal tube to feed it into my lungs, I have to start using it within the next couple of days.
OVer the next few hours, I just layed in bed playing a game on my phone when I got a text.
Hi. Its Kristen.
How did you get my number?
Your still famous you know. I found Harry at a coffee shop and talked to him about you. We ended up hanging out for a little bit and he gave me your number.
Well, I wasnt sure if we were ever going to actually see each other so I just wanted to make sure you were okay. :)
Yeah, thanks Kristen. I am hanging in there.
Oh, uh nothing to worry about. Just getting sick thats all.
She never texted back. I cant tell her. I dont want to put her through that. Pain, if she even likes me.
Love is forever. Just the thought og Kristen makes me realize that. Love is beautiful, annoying and amazing all at the same time. Its hard not to love. Even if you are mad or upset, you still love. And I now know that I feel love for Kristen, yet I hardly know her. But, it's getting close to having to let go of her. Which is so painful.