We fear rejection. We all have fears. But I? I have no fears. No fears besides oblivion.
You see at any point life will flash leaving you in the middle of your sentence.
The truth is there are no happy endings. Though, are there ever truly endings?
I wrote in my journal. Thinking. I figured it was time to see Niall. I think it is time to show him some feelings. Rejection used to be a fear. But, rejection is only a form of acception. I somed up courage and headed to his house. I must admit I was nervous, but I wasnt scared anymore. Knocking his door I heard a fumble and some coughs. Finally the door openned and I walked in. I turned and saw Niall. Hunched over with a tube around his head into his nose. Rolling around a tank of oxygen. For the first time in all my years, I didnt have to ask what was wrong. I didnt know exactly what was, but I knew it was bad. He looked at me, saddened.
"Why are you -cough cough- he-ere?'
"Niall, you need to lay down." I guided him to his bedroom where he layed in his bed slowly hooking himself up to a machine.
"Why are you here?" He said slightly clearer.
"I came to see you. Do you think you could tell me whats wrong?"
He motioned me over to him, sliding over. So I sat next to him. His Weak and limp hand carresing my cheek.
"You- you dont need to worry about me. Ill get better." He half smiled. It looked fake. But I let it slide. I felt happy because I am not afraid to talk to him. But, Im slowly becoming terrified because just 2 weeks ago he was perfectly fine.
"I am going to worry Niall, because I. Because I have... feelings for you."
I layed down next to him instead of sitting and I saw him smiling.
He coughed a little.
"If you must know. I started feeling sick, coughing a lot, having issues breathing." He talked slowly and softly.
"I went to the doctor and I took a catscan. They found a tumor. Thyroid cancer." He didnt seem upset. I felt myself well up a little. Fear started growing again and I just kind of stared at him. He already lost some weight. He seemed to be withering away already. He looked away and tried to chuckle a bit but ended up coughing.
"Guess thats what I get for trying to have a little fun."
I just layed my head on him and hugged him whispering everything would be okay. And that he would get better. He eventually fell asleep and his breathing softened. It was soothing. I even drifted off. But then I woke up to him wimpering in his sleep. I rubbed his cheek gently thinking it was just a bad dream. Then he started getting louder, I grabbed his phone and called his doctor. It was worrying me. Then he started screaming. At this point I was holding back tears. I rushed him to the emergency room. I was feeling more fear then I ever had before. I had to face reality. I was FINALLY falling in love. I was falling for someone who might not have much longer.