but where would i be without you?? 6 feet underground, thats where.


1. weak

it was exactly 4 hours before i left for collage.

and right now i was unsure if i would ever leave my house.


it was the 4th of february, a nice summer's day and i had just arrived home from shopping, to find my best friend hanging limp and life-less from the ceiling. she was in my room, hanging from the light, twirling, dancing, but dead. when she turned to face me, i lost it. i ran from the doorway, to underneath her, where i took her down and layed her on my bed. i cant remember how long i lay there with her, in silence, staring at the blank walls, until my mother came in and lay with us.... it was like my whole world had just collapsed, my best friend, my other half, my rock, was gone, and i dont know why. she left no note, no letter, no message, just her body, and that was all.....

my mother left me alone, while she took Ashley's body downstairs. i curled up into a ball and cried so many tears. my heart was broken. my makeup ran down my face and all along the sheets. i didnt care though, i didnt care about anything anymore, why should i, when the thing i cared about most,    was gone...?

back to the present

4 hours, and i was to leave this house. i didnt want to, but the more i stayed here, the worse i would get.i was heavily depressed and was too suicidal. but my mum didnt know that. i hid the cuts on my wrist pretty well. i had lost 40+ kg's since that day and i was losing more everyday. i ate dinner, only small portions, then in the middle of the night i would vomit in the darkness, emptying my stomach as much as i could. no one noticed the cuts on my stomach, for even in summer, i wore long sleeved shirts or jerseys. i had given up on life, and to say i cared about myself would be the biggest lie thats ever left my lips. i had packed all my clothes, even the dresses i never wore, and began to exit the front door and get in the taxi that was waiting outside our califonia bach. i waved goodbye to my parents and got in the taxi, but before i could do so, i was blinded by millions of camera flashes, going in every direction. i looked up and my eyes met with the pop sensation Justin Bieber. to say i was not a belieber, would be a lie. if it wasnt for him, i would already be 6ft underground. this was something i had never told anyone though, so i quickly got in the taxi and closed the doors. "Hello, im Jessica Floyd, um im going to.." i was cut off by a door opening and slamming. "Hi, sorry to interupt but can i get a ride downtown, i cant find my driver and im going to be late" I looked to my left and was meet with a pair of eyes so perfect. i smiled and whispered a faint 'hello'. he looked to me and did the same. "Hey im Justin, sorry bout stealing your taxi by the way" i smiled and laughed "Dont worry about it" i said weakly. my body was that weak i could barely talk properly. he noticed this. "Are you ok" ? he asked. i stared at him. how could i lie to Justin, the very person that had saved me from myself ? i decided i wouldnt. It was then and there, in the back off a taxi, for the first time in forever, i hadnt lied when someone asked me if i was ok. I was sick and tired of doing it, and so i looked him in the eye, and whispered weakly.. "No"


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