“Ugh, I hate these stupid spirit days!” Tiffany groaned. “It doesn’t even make sense! Like all you do, is like, dress up dumb and be like ‘Yay, school!’ but like, I don’t even like school! Why should I be supporting this dumbass place?”
And at that moment I knew she had beaten Maria in the art of saying like as many times as you could in one sentence. But I totally disagreed with her.
“Hold on,” I interjected, “Spirit days are totally wicked! It’s not like we can wear these sexy cheerleading uniforms to school every day! You of all people should be taking advantage of this wondrous opportunity to show off your hot bod! Hell, that’s what I’m doing. We all know you don’t exactly get attached to guys, like at all.”
I gestured to how awesomely I wore my cheerleading uniform. I did look fucking hot after all. Even though none of them would ever look as good as I did, didn’t mean they shouldn’t try. Plus, if they looked bad, it’d only make me look even hotter. Tiffany had put on a little weight, so that wouldn’t really be too bad for me.
“Alex is sooo right, Tiff.” Maria said. Tiffany sighed.
“Yeah, I always am.” I flipped my silky hair over my shoulder in one swift motion and smiled.
My girls were so lucky to have me for advice. I didn’t know what they’d do without me. Probably be living at the bottom of the social chain. I was such a kind soul to help them out. They’d be lost without my guidance.
“There’s an extra uniform in the lockeroom, so you won’t have to worry about looking like a total loser.” I assured Tiffany.
“What a relief,” Tiffany rolled her eyes but I just ignored it. “But I still think it’s stupid,” she muttered under her breath.
“We get to perform at the pep rally later too, so that’s definitely a good excuse to wear these all day.”
I squinted up at the sun.
“I think we should go inside before I get all splotchy, this sun is going to totally run my tan.” It’d be so embarrassing for all the hot guys at the rally to see me with bad skin.
Maria and I stood up from our spots on the bench and Sharon, Frenchie and Tiffany stood up from the grass. I guess it was what those nature freaks would call a beautiful day, but the warm golden sun just meant frizz and sweating worse than a pig in a sauna. Ugh, just nasty. Air conditioning is what I call beautiful.
The bell rung just as we stepped back inside the school and everyone split off except for Sharon who had P.E. with me.
Sharon walked and fixed her ponytail at the same time.
“Did you hear about the new gym teacher?” She asked me.
I shook my head.
“Oh. Well Coach Tanakas got fired last weekend. Apparently he was having,” She made air quotes, “...’relations’ with one of the students.”
I nearly gagged. “That is so ratchet! Who the fuck would do that with him?!”
Coach Tanakas was in his late twenties, but looked as if he hadn’t taken a shower since his teens. He had this nasty-ass burly beard and was deathly thin. We always joked that if he ate anything he’d go into cardiac arrest. He also wore these big thick black-rimmed glasses that made his bug eyes look even bigger and creepier. He was a hybrid between a homeless person, a hillbilly and a hermit. So basically picture a pedophile.
I mean thank God he was gone, but that didn’t stop me from wondering who the hell he had “relations” with.
I turned to Sharon, “It wasn’t you, was it?”
“Ugh, hell no! I would never! Even if someone had a knife to my throat I wouldn’t! He’s just so like… eww!” She shivered.
We entered the gymnasium and headed over to the locker room together. After changing into some wonderful fashion statements (aka puke green gym shorts and a just-as-lovely neon yellow t-shirts) I had Sharon french braid my hair and we strolled back into the gym.
And then I nearly died.
And I nearly died because standing there in all his glory, with a coach’s whistle hung about his neck, was no one but the beautiful angel I had encountered at the mall.
He was dressed in a muscle shirt and gym shorts, which didn’t exactly help me in not blushing. He was even more handsome than I remembered. His stoic demeanor, almost like he was chiseled from a smooth block of marble by Michelangelo. His flawless features had me frozen. You couldn’t help yourself from admiring how he stood there, so oblivious to his effect on other people with that genuine smile playing along his lips. There was no other way to put it: he was a masterpiece.
Only until afterward did I notice that Sharon too was standing there with her mouth wide open.
The angel cleared his throat.
“Hello everyone, my name is Mr. Payne and I’m going to be your new gym teacher.”