~~I am cold. No place to turn in this empty house. I stand in the baron living room, the blue paint abandoning its walls, I think about all that has happened. The oversized Lazy Boy sits in the corner of the room like a child awaiting punishment. I walk over to this monster and run my hand along its arm, dust collects on my fingers. But I don't care; I flop into his loving lap wishing this feeling could last a life time. But alas sand still runs through the hourglass, blissfully unaware of the pain it causes me. Through the dungy windows, coating the room is an unwanted but pleasant light. I stand up and walk over to the window across the room. Through it I can see nothing but gray sky and less than green grass. Even the world outside this horror has turned dirty and gray. I find myself wandering, going into and out of rooms that have no significance other than that they once held someone's precious memories. I walk into a pink room, everything is pink. The bed spread, the curtains, the vanity, dolls, hell even the walls are adorned with pink. But the one thing that stands out in this room of pink are the deep gray restraints attached to the bed.
"Freedom." I whisper as if not to wake her. I made my way to her bed, slowly letting my hands fall on each object as I pass. As I sit on her bed I talk to not only myself but also to her, my darling little sister freedom. "I miss you free, we all miss you. Worse things have happened to us; of this I'm sure, but without you here it seems as if all the time we spent trying to survive was easy and this is the only pain." There is nothing more to say so I get up and head out the door, pausing for only a moment to whisper a heartfelt goodbye to my freedom.
Down the hall is another door that leads to a room where I have to go, not because I am in need of anymore goodbyes or heartfelt conversations. But because I need to remember; remember all of the things that I have tried to forget. The large, dark oak door has pieces missing, I close my eyes afraid if I am to look at it and touch it, it will disappear and I will wake up. I shake as I grip the silver door handle, twist and walk in. I stand in the doorway for some time, not yet wanting to open my eyes to how real all of this has suddenly become. Slowly my eyelids drift up and the room became clear; a four poster bed with torn, soiled sheets hanging loosely on the mattress. The walls puke green and the carpet puke stained. There are no toys, no hanging pictures, and no hope. I walk to the closet, no door. As I remember my heart thrashes in my chest, wildly trying to escape. But there is no escaping what I need to do next. Turning on the light I shut my eyes once more but the images in my head are running through my brain like cattle in a stampede. I look upon the past, as it has a habit of getting into my present. Blood stains the walls and floors, directing my eyes towards the words I'd read in my youth.
"Do not trust him!
He will hurt us.
I'm his 6th.
I'm his 10th"
All these had done had confirmed that I was going to die but in all of this horror was one that gave me hope.
"Do not be scared. Help will come. We may be lost but we are never forgotten. We are remembered in every newborns smile, in every loving mother and in the wind that whispers our names. Though no one will ever know of our bravery or our sacrifices they will know of our names and our pasts before we were just his numbers.
I'm his fourteenth and my name is truth"
Though all of the pain and the terror I remembered her words, they were the words that had saved my life. I collapse to the floor running my fingers along the words, memorizing every bump, every imperfection in the wood.
Footsteps echo through the house. I close my eyes and relax. Two pairs of feet make their way up the tattered steps.
"Are you done? Free is waiting." Love helps me to my feet. I hold his hand all the way back through the house, out the doors and into the van. "Love," I ask "did we do the right thing?" We all know the answer but I need him to voice it. "I don't know."
We arrive at the cemetery at exactly noon, just like we had for the past three years. Emerging out of the back seat of the van I see the rest of our small family; well all except for one. Silence walks with us as we make our way to the reunion.
"You're here. I never thought you'd get her out of that house." Faith smiles at me; that's the thing about faith is she has a smile that could brighten even your darkest of days. And this, my friends, is a dark day. I get cold glances for the rest of my family as I make my way to the front.
"Love, is fought for, longed for and wished for; but we have an endless supply. Rebellion is the ride that makes your amusement park of a life worth the nausea; and we have the biggest one. Hope is what you look for to make your day; and we can never have enough. Faith is sought for; but we all have her in our hearts. Trust, must be earned, but we have had him all along. Freedom is now free; and of this we know." I look at my brothers and sisters no longer able to hold back my tears. I cry. I don't stop; not when trust tells me it will be ok or when love holds me in his arms, not even faiths smile can stop the cascade of tears.