Dragging myself and my bag whilst linking arms with Talissa felt like the longest and silent walk I would ever take even if we were just getting to our next lesson, English. The thought of Mae and Polly always spilling random information that was always fake dropped me down a kindness level. Thinking of their "sweet" smiles and long hair with light-not obvious-make up on made me wince as they were far from beautiful. Pretty, yes. But not beautiful. Beautiful has always been far from my personality, too, however. I've been called beautiful and talented but what does that mean? It won't help...not now...not ever.
Talissa's eyes cross over from looking across the small field, speckled with tiny daisies, to mine and I twist my head, slightly. She's like a mind reader-but it pays off when you watch The Mentalist and Death Note a lot, which she does.
I watch the black crows, standing out, soaring through the baby blue sky. I want to be like that. Standing out. Unique. Free.
"Have you brought your reading book with you?" Talissa asks me; she knows I always carry a book with me, she's only saying that to break the awkwardness that I have forgotten about.
"Yeah." I mumble, tired and weak of stumbling and floundering through mud, pricked with sticks in unexpected places. "Do you?" I add.
"Uh-huh." She lets go of our linked arms, pulling through the mud and almost slipping. "What are you reading?"
"The Fault In Our Stars." I answer, sulking at my mud-covered, dirty school shoes.
"You read Divergent quite quickly, then." Talissa laughs, "you're the fastest reader I know."
I blurt out a small laugh which sounds more like a harsh grunt.
"Look, I know you're upset about something, Amelie, but it doesn't mean you should take it out on me! I've tried to help. If you need to talk, I'm here. But please just stop being...COLD!" I watch how her temptation for her to say that flows out of her. She has locked and stored all that...for a long time. But how long? She knows something is up and I can't tell her what's going on but I know I should.
Talissa walks, by herself, this time, towards the classroom. Half our class are already seated in and eyes glance from their books over to us. Our teacher, Miss Ignis, must have let everyone read right away. I get to my seat, slamming my bag onto the floor and snatching my book out of it, turning to the last page I reached at, the top corner folded. What have I done? Have I actually messed up the friendship between me and Talissa?
We have thirty minutes left until the lesson ends. I want to drift away to my own world, to a world I can create. Of perfection and individuality and worry-free. That would be perfect. Just perfect. Maurelle floats in circles, beside me. I keep eyeing her, not making it obvious, in case anyone thinks I'm going mental. Maybe I am. But I'm not; I wish was, then all this would be just my crazy imagination.
Maurelle could be a demon, in need to be destroyed by a Shadowhunter like in The Mortal Instruments. That would make me someone like Clary.
Regardless of Maurelle, I concentrate on my book, The Fault In Our Stars and the plot strikes me like a lightning bolt after I read a speech, “I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?”
That just explain me. My life. What will happen very soon. I am like a grenade. I will part from this world and it so explains me.