I sat and picked at discreet on my mobile, so that no teacher would see . You were not allowed to have up cell phone on school closure. The fact was that you really had to have with cell phone into the church at all, but it crapped all completely in. All the students in the church was doing and talk , laugh, or like me.. App . None of it was allowed , only because we would get a "good"graduation .
But graduation was never "good" . It was just a sign that summer was approaching . I didn't like summer. All summer made me stressed. Shorts, tank tops , bare body parts. All such things made me shudder and long to return to my big winter jacket .
I hated walking around in shorts. I hated my legs. They were too narrow , as bones and skin . The worst thing was that the shorts you see all my scars. All scars where the blade sharp edge cut too far in and leave unsightly scars. Same thing on my arms and stomach. I cut myself no longer , mostly when I was younger and stupid. But it happened in the leaves, and every time I did it just went the blade longer and farther.
'' As you have seen , summer has begun , buds have blossomed and we have already beaten last year's record in warm sunshine hours . '' Discontinued headmaster Juss my thoughts. He stood with a microphone at the scene. His name was actually Justin, but everyone called him Justin . It sounded a little cooler , and cool people deserved cool nickname . Juss was popular because he was young, maybe in the age of twenty . He also looked good. But it was not just the popular students who had nicknames. I also had one . But of course, i didn't like it. I called namely something like Whore or freak . It was also common for people checking me worse things like suicide , mental case or worst out of everything , "you know she" . The worst thing someone can call me is three words, common words in addition. It's hard to take but it is the way they say "you know she" on . Most often, the heavens with eyes and giggle at . It seems like everyone hates me. I try to change me, but I can not. Everyone sees me as I always have been , although I 've grown up a bit.
If this graduation would have been two years ago, so I probably would have been different . Instead of the worn blue jeans o the black hood sweater maybe I would 've been wearing a black tulle dress and considerably a lot more make-up .
'' Summer summer summer . When someone says summer what are you going to do? '' Continued Gurre and made a gesture that suggested that everyone would shout her answers straight out. I heard answers like: Ice cream, No school , Chill , Sun, swimming and freedom. myself I murmured :
'' Trapped in my room all day and hide myself for about values .. '' I said it quietly and did not think anyone would hear me. But Mitchell, who had pitched Cuba , had done it. Mitchell was my friend , those she had always been. We were completely different . I had brown hair was long and thin on a class stick. Not attractive thin, but disgusting thin. Mitchell was a beautiful and slender blonde and was about four inches shorter than my 175 centimeters. She was kind , smart, and popular. She smiled almost always . But not now. She looked bewildered and could probably just ask why I said that I said. But Gurre he imagined .
'' Oh dear . Now , I heard nothing. '' He said and sounded theatrical hurt. '' What did you say you thought of when you heard the word summer? '' He asked. I was not sure but I thought he meant me . And sure enough he stepped down from the stage about took the microphone in his hand. '' Linnea ? '' Everybody in the whole church was watching me now. I did not like .
At first I was surprised that he could my name. We had kind never met , but then I remembered that I was a normal topic of conversation for most people. He had probably heard my name when he rushed past in the hallway sometime.
'' Linnea everyone stares. Just say something . '' Mitchell whispered in my right ear.
'' Linnea , did you hear my question? '' Asked the headmaster me . He nodded a little discreet on my mobile as I squeezed as hard as I could in my left hand .
'' Uh, yes . I heard your question. '' I stuttered forward , almost paralyzed out of all the attention.
'' And your answer is ? '' It sounded like a math question , not a question what I was thinking when someone mentioned the word summer .
'' Do not push her too hard, she has such a hard time . She works full time as the whore she is ! I promise it was hard for her to take time off for an hour for this graduation . '' Yelled someone from the back rows . I knew immediately who it was , Johanna branch. She had bullied me throughout the low and middle school. Seventh to eighth grade had been a tougher bullying. She had done things as personal threats to murder me . Or to cut up all my clothes except my underwear after gym . A memory came to the surface out of my conscience.