Her gut wrenched in her stomach. It felt like the war that was playing out in her head was happening in her stomach too. Something wasn’t right. She could feel it wasn’t right. But she didn’t want this to be wrong. It had felt so good. She had finally felt good again, finally allowed someone into her world again. But she knew, or did she? Was this just ‘Classic Her’ running away? But no. ‘It’ wasn’t there. Should she stay? Put on a happy face and make an effort but as the realisation that all was not right really sunk in she realised that last night had been her attempt at a happy face. She was no good at that. At faking her true feelings. He had sensed it, that’s what went wrong. Oh the pain in her heart, even though it wasn’t right this still hurt why was that? How to tell him? Whether to tell him? He was safe and doting but she knew it couldn’t last. This was why she didn’t let them in this was why she had built that wall. But as far as walls go it couldn’t have been a good one it came down so damn easily. Well back up it would go. But first, to tell him. Things were already a bit shaky maybe he wants this too. Her phone trilled with a text message. Even though she was driving a company car she took her eyes from the road to read it. ‘I can’t do this I’m sorry it’s too much for me’. That’s all it said. She felt relief mixed with despair mixed with anger and resignation. A text message? After all this, a text message. What a coward. She wrote back simply with ‘no worries’. Two wrongs do not make a right but there was not much else to say. It was over it had been over the moment she avoided his call because she just ‘couldn’t be bothered with him’ today. It had been short but intense, sweet and uplifting. It had made her feel alive again like nothing else h ad for quite some time. She had started to wonder if she would ever feel like that again. And to doubt whether she had the ability to illicit these feelings in another. But here she was, heart in hand and ready for another adventure, in a little while.
That weekend she decided clubbing with a girlfriend was in order.