I woke up to find myself alone. Getting up quietly I snuck around to the side porch to find Zayn talking on the phone, “Yes I saw the pictures… No she doesn’t know anything… Of course I know what I’m doing… She won’t get hurt I can do this… You too… See you soon” he got off the phone and walked towards me, I rushed into the kitchen and started to poor myself a glass of orange juice from the fridge. “Who were you talking to babe?” I asked him taking a quick sip of my juice and looking up at him through my eyelashes. He looked back down at me kissing the top of my head, “no one important babe.”
I knew that he was lying, but I didn’t know if I should tell him just yet. “Zayn…” I said looking at him walking across our living room, in the house that held so many memories, he looked back to me, “Yes doll?” I didn’t know what to say, I was utterly stuck. Stuck in place, stuck with words, I felt like things that came so naturally to me was stuck, even breathing seemed to take effort right now. “Nothing, I just… I want you to know that I love you,” I felt an anxiety attack coming on, pinching the skin between my thumb and my pointer finger I took a deep breath, he walked back towards me with one of his leather jackets on and keys in his hands, “love you too doll. I’m going to be out and about for a while; I’ll pick us up some Thai food on the way home.” With that he was whisked out the door. I didn’t know what to do, Zayn was gone, but the only other friend I had who I knew wouldn’t be super busy was Liam, he would just be sitting at home playing COD (Call of Duty) or some other ‘boy game’ like that. I called Liam on his phone;
Me: “Hey Li, what’s up?”
Liam: “Playing games, what’s up Mere?”
Me: “I’m bored and I haven’t seen my LiLi in a long time!” (I always called him LiLi as his ‘girl name’ he was one of the closest to me of the other three boys, not including Zayn)
Liam: “Awww well I’ll just have to come over then, how’s baking sound?”
Me: “That sounds awesome! Let’s go”
Liam came over within fifteen minutes and walked in with his arms out wide, “Come on give old Liam a hug! I haven’t seen you in so long” I ran over to him, he quickly picked me up and spun me around, “Let’s get cooking shall we love?” I laughed. I missed seeing Liam, I met him at Zayn’s party, and in fact it was the first party I had ever gone to with Zayn. Liam was dating Dani then, but now was single again. Liam brought over cake mix, from a box but I made him throw it out because that wasn’t real baking in my book. We mixed our wet ingredients together and I was measuring the other dry ingredients so we could combine them and make brownies. I was pouring flour into a measuring cup when he grabbed the coco powder from the countertop and flung some at me; it hit my shoulders and smeared onto my shirt. I took some of the flour from my previously full measuring cup and flung it back at Liam, my aim was a bit better than his and the flour landed in his hair. He gasped and grabbed one of the eggs that I had left out running towards me, “I’m going to get you for that!” I screamed and ran away from him. Running around the dining room table I stopped at one of the ends and Liam stopped at the other end. I looked at him, bouncing on my toes and getting ready to sprint again, he went left so naturally I went right, he moved so that he was going right too, catching me around my waist and knocking over the dry ingredients that I had just measured he held me there cracking the egg on the top of my head. The egg whites ran down the side of my head while the yolk fell down the front of my face and pieces of the shell stayed on top and all around the crown of my head. Liam and I were laughing so much I’d forgotten about everything else, until I heard someone clear their throat; it was Zayn.
“What is going on here?” he asked. Liam immediately let me go, when my feet touched the ground I looked around at the dining room and the kitchen, it was a giant mess. “We were- umm” I wasn’t sure if I should say we were baking or we were playing, luckily Liam saved me, “We were baking brownies, you had gone out and Meredith wanted to hang out with someone. I wasn’t busy and so I came over… I didn’t think you’d mind man.” I knew that Zayn was making Liam nervous because he was messing with his hands. “It was nothing Zayn,” I said straining the nothing, and almost mocking the tone he used earlier. He looked at me and scowled. “Here is dinner, just like I promised” setting the food down on the cleanest countertop he headed off to our room. Liam and I looked at each other, neither of us said anything. “I’m going to go and shower now, it was nice to see you again Mere Bear, if you need any more baking to be done you know where to find me,” he winked and grabbed his coat that he had slung over the chair in Zayn and my living room when he had gotten here. I saw him out and turned around smiling to see an angry looking Zayn standing in the doorway. “What Zayn? He is just a friend. When I told you nothing was going on I wasn’t lying. Unlike you I don’t keep secrets from you,” that last part I hadn’t meant to come out of my mouth, and I regretted it as soon as the words left my lips.
“I found something in our room,” Zayn said walking towards me and holding up the magazine I had bought the other day, “You don’t trust me do you?” he was right next to me now. “No Zayn I don’t trust you. Perrie was your girlfriend and then you’re almost fiancée; I’m just some girl you met at a bar almost three years ago. The only reason you and Perrie ended was because she didn’t want to marry you. That doesn’t mean she didn’t want to be with you. That doesn’t mean you ever lost feelings for her; it just means you two aren’t together anymore. I know you’ve been talking to her, hell I didn’t even know you two talked at all. Because you told me that you two weren’t talking anymore after I told you that you two being together and talking made me uncomfortable. Why would you lie to me, go behind my back and maybe even cheat on me. Everyone knew this but me,” I was calming down a bit more after my rant and began talking quieter, “I don’t trust you with her Zayn, that’s why I asked you not to talk to her and you couldn’t do that for me. I had to be the last one to find out; I just wanted you to be honest with me… I’m honest with you Zayn, I’ve never lied to you,” I shook my head, “It’s not even worth it to tell you any of this. You won’t listen. You’ll keep seeing her behind my back and keep talking to her behind my back. But you know what Zayn?... I hope she is worth it to you. I hope that your ex is worth screwing up your relationship that you’ve built now. I won’t put up with it. I’m staying in the sun room until you come to your senses and I don’t want to talk to you until you do.” With that I picked myself up from the mess he had made and walked upstairs to grab my stuff from Zayn’s room. I grabbed my drawer of clothes and my pillow from Zayn’s bed, along with my toothbrush and a thing of toothpaste.
The sun room had always been my favorite room in the house. It was an open area with a fuzzy rug covering part of the floor, instruments were scattered all around the room, a large chair hung from the ceiling and a small bed was set up on the side of the windows that covered the left wall which looked out to the street and the beach that was close to Zayn’s house. I set up my toothbrush and toothpaste by the small sink and mirror in the room, my clothes I folded neatly and set up by my bed, the pillow I put in the large hanging chair. I didn’t want everything to get this bad but if she was what Zayn really wanted I couldn’t keep them apart no matter what I tried to do. Grabbing my phone from my pocket I sat in the large chair looking out into the evening sky and put my headphones in, playing the song that had been going through my head only moments ago. “All I Want” by Kodaline began playing as I zoned out thinking about all of my times with Zayn, I stared down at the wedding ring on my left hand twisting it back and forth around my finger, I also began thinking about how quickly everything had happened between us. Maybe it was all too quick, maybe good things like this never do last.