12. Nowhere To Run
After hearing what Dylan had to say to me, I'd have to say my mood has changed quite a bit. But I still hadn't changed my mind about leaving. I know people didn't hate me for why they did before but no one likes to get close with the girl who tried to kill herself. I needed something fresh. Plus I did not want to run into Justin. I missed him so damn much. I wanted him so bad when I was going through everything but he was part of the cause. I wish things went back to the way they were but they can't. Not after Justin has a new number 1 and I have a new rep. I have been going to the doctors for followups and they agree that I am doing much better. I still am depressed though, just not as severely. I wanted to run into Justin's arms so bad and just cry and tell him about everything. I really did love him. I spent endless nights just thinking about his face and eyes and oh that smile. You know you're in love when the smallest thing as a smirk from him can make my day perfect. That blondie was so lucky she got to hold him, got to sleep with him, see his messy morning hair. I wanted that so very bad. My mother thinks I'm completely okay now which is untrue but I don't think I'd try to harm myself anytime soon. I think that would only happen if I went back to school which is not going to happen. My mom is looking for other schools.
"Hey mom, what if I just move into an apartment and go to school in Ottawa instead? It's not too far and I'm doing much better. I'll call you everyday so you know that I'm doing well. I know you need to stay here for work but I can go live with Aunt Janice in her apartment if that makes you more comfortable. I just need to get out of town and start over with new people."
She bit her lip and thought for a second.
"Spencer, you sure know I will not let you live alone but I will consider living with your aunt. I know how hard it's been for you here. I will call her but I can't make promises."
That was enough for me. I got to leave this hell they call a city. I tried to avoid all thoughts of never seeing Justin again. I knew that it would affect me and make me miss him more than I already did. I thought avoiding him would help me get over him but I think it made me grasp on tighter. I didn't want to leave the only boy that made me happy. But it was just too complicated now. Goodbye Justin and hello new start.