I said goodbye to Niall around 10pm. It was weird needing to say goodbye to him but he couldn't stay over the night. I wasn't prepared for that. I sat down with my laptop and a coffee in the living room where I has been all night. I started posting the pictures of me and different celebrities and wrote out a status.
So as you guys may or may not know my friends and I have been running a challenge we started last year where we would have 9 months to get 5/5 of One Direction and I'm happy to announce that after 3 months I've finally gotten my 5/5! All the boys are very kind and they are really easy to speak with and so on.
I uploaded the pictures from the party where I had gotten new pictures with every member of the band. I looked at the one of Niall and me and felt butterflies in my stomach. This was a bad sign and somehow I felt like going back to Sweden much sooner. What had I done to myself? I was a paparazzo I belonged at every celebrity event with my cameras and I wanted to take all the pictures of everyone. I didn't want to stop just because Niall asked me to. I knew I liked him but I couldn't let him decide these things for me. I know he had told me to continue as well, but this was so different. I hadn’t known him for long and he was already telling me what to do and not to do and this was about something as important as my job.
I sat on Facebook for a long time working with all of my pictures posting the pictures where I had been out spotting the boys and some of my older paparazzi pictures. It took me long to post a lot of my paparazzi pictures but I enjoyed it. The world needed to know that I was part of this and they could hate me all they wanted but it wasn’t going to change who I was. I knew people would tell me what I had done was wrong and somehow it was but not all the time. Everyone lived of my pictures; I was the one to get all the unique ones used in the magazines and on different pages. This was my work and they had loved it before so why wouldn’t they love it now that I was finally telling them who the photographer were?
When I had finished uploading my pictures I sat down and took a sip of the coffee I had made and waited. I knew people would talk soon but it was time for them to speak yet hear what I had to say as well because I wanted to take part in this.
So I know you’ve seen the pictures already or are going to see them. Most of you might have seen them in the magazines or online already but I’m gonna tell you about this and enjoy it for once, because things are going to change. I’m not going to hide who I am anymore. I’ve been doing that for quite some time now and it’s not a part of who I am as a person.
When I first started meeting different celebrities I felt very honoured that I got the chance. The crew I was running around with are some of my best friends in the world and we’ve done things we weren’t allowed to but we did these things and we got to meet so many people. We started working together with the paparazzi. Not as in taking pictures with them in the beginning but we made friends with them because we were always there at the same time and place as they were. They were helping us meet more people it became a game for us and it was all about getting the best pictures and do it fast even faster than the others. We continued for long, but soon the paparazzi saw my pictures and loved them so they wanted me to join the team otherwise they would stop giving us the information we would need to come around different places to meet the celebrities we wanted to. So I said yes… looking back at it now it’s not something I’m proud of because I’ve hurt someone who’s actually standing really close to me, and I know I’ll hurt my good friend Liam Payne not to mention our mate Andy Samuels who’ve trusted me with everything they had. I’m really sorry guys. Also I’ve hurt someone I care a lot about. My favourite. We all have that one guy in the band we like and so do I, for me it’s Niall Horan when it comes to One Direction and I know Niall personally and he’s a sweet guy, but I’ve hurt him when he caught me taking pictures of him with the rest of the paparazzi. I’m so sorry Nialler.
I’m sorry if I’ve let any of you down, and I hope that you’ll still join me on this journey, but from now on the pictures are for you guys and you can use them as much as you want to and to anything you want. I’ll still keep some to myself as I’ve always done, but I’m done hiding. It’s not who I am anymore. This is who I really am.
As soon as I had posted it I took my phone and called Andy. I knew he would be with Liam right now unless Liam of curse was out with that girl he had been dating for quite a while.
“I’ve got something to tell you…”
“Promise me you won’t hate me.”
“How could I hate you? You’re like a sister to me.”
“I’ve done something stupid for a long time Andy, and I’m sorry to bring you the news like this but I can’t face you when I’m saying this.”
“Are you alright?”
“Not really. Look I’m so sorry Andy… I can’t believe I’ve done this to you and your friends after everything you did for me. I told you from the very beginning I was some sort of celebrity stalkers, that’s the only reason we even met in the first place, but today I figured out I’ve done something really wrong and I’m sorry but I can’t change it. I’m sorry I bumped into you at Primrose Hill today and tried to hide away when you asked if you knew me. I’m sorry I’ve been lying and been a part of the paparazzi and hurting your friends. I can’t believe I’d ever use a friend like you to do this.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time.
“Please say something.”
“What do you want me to say? You used me to get Liam’s attention. You’re a fucking cunt Diana. Fuck you. I trusted you! I trusted you enough to meet my friends I let you into the circle I helped you and this is what you give me?!”
“Andy please, I’m so terribly sorry. But I can’t change it. I never thought I’d have to tell you guys about it. I thought I’d be able to hide away forever but after what happened today I just couldn’t.”
“You better come up with something better because right now I’m so done with your bull shit. Call me when the person I know is back because this is not you.”
He hung up and I sat down in my sofa and looked at the text I had written on Facebook. I was angry and sad but mostly angry. I just wanted it all to stop right now. I couldn’t believe I’d done this to myself and the people I cared about the most.