I woke up around 3am on my sofa with the TV on and a few messages waiting for me on Facebook which was still on, on my laptop. I looked around confused and still with dried tears on my cheeks. I looked at the message from my friend Adam. He was disappointed in me and wanted me to stay with him so he could keep an eye on me. Kendra didn’t seem too pleased about it either but I couldn’t change it now. I honestly thought both of them did know what was going on all the time but apparently they didn’t. I sat up in the sofa and checked my Facebook page.
People had messaged the page ton but for some reason one message just caught my attention and I opened it to read.
Hey, so I saw that message you put up on your wall and somehow I feel like throwing shit at you because I’m so angry with you for what you’ve done but on the other hand I still understand why you did what you did.
I don’t know you personally Diana, but I know what you’ve done has hurt people that we both care about. I don’t know them personally but you do, still I have to see some of my idols being brought down for something you’ve done of for that I hate you, but knowing them personally in the way you’ve become friends with them most be so amazing and for that I adore you and look up to you.
What you’ve done is wrong and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at you the same way again. Especially not after what you’ve done for Niall when he is clearly in love with you. I’ve seen the pictures from Funky Buddha and they have circled the internet ever since they came out. Take care of yourself Diana and watch out for the people around you. Don’t hurt them because you don’t deserve the hate that will come to you.
Much love xx
I read the message a few times. It seemed strange. After a while I shut my computer down and turned the TV off and went to bed.
When I woke up again later it was because Liam called me. I think him and Andy must have been speaking.
“You better fucking explain yourself.”
“Yeah who else? Now explain yourself Diana!”
“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down, do you have any idea how much I’ve trusted you and you’ve just been out and about taking pictures of me and my band.”
“Yeah pictures that have given you media attention and promotion, pictures that have kept your fans entertained and helped them to get to know you guys a little better. Pictures you’ve needed in your career that have given me money and the opportunity to meet you. I know I’ve hurt you because you’d never expect it to be me okay? But I’ve never told anyone about the personal stuff you guys have told me so just calm the fuck down.”
Liam was silent for a while but I could still hear him breathing.
“Look I’m sorry for what I did Liam but I can’t change it and I know everyone is going to hate me, but I’ll figure something out. I can’t promise you I’m done with it. I can promise you I’m done chasing you but I’ll never be done chasing what gives me the most money and right now that happens to be a story about Niall and me that I’m doing my best to get out of this world. It’s not easy for me either you know. You can look it all up on my Facebook, I said I’m sorry but I can’t change what I’ve done.”
I got up from my bed and went out to the kitchen where I lit up a cigarette and smoked out the window.
“Andy should never have introduced you to us. We’re better off without you.”
“So you’re just gonna say screw the friendship we have when Andy’s been lying as well? How stupid do you think I felt when Niall told me the guy has a girlfriend and I know I’ve been with him whilst he’s been dating someone else? Andy knew who I was before he introduced me to you guys. He knew that I’m one of those stalkers as they call us, but he let me into the circle anyway, why can’t you just accept that it’s who I am?”
“Because I feel backstabbed Diana!”
“Don’t you think I’m sorry about that? Don’t you think I’ve felt shit every time I’ve had to hide from you and focusing on the others? It’s not been easy for me either and I’m sorry Liam but I can’t change it and right now I just gotta figure out how to get the paparazzi away from the story about Niall and I before they’re making it into something bigger.”
“Just don’t betray him like you’ve betrayed me.”
“Don’t worry. I care too much about him to do that.”
“Take care Diana. I need some time.”
“I understand. Let me know when you’re ready again.”
We hung up on each other and I sat down on the counter before I finished my cigarette and then looked out on the sunny London, maybe today way my time to use my camera for something a little different. I needed to make something different with them if I couldn’t use them on people, so that’s what I did. It was time to explore London from a whole other point of view.